We've been together for almost 2 years, and have been best friends for like ever. His dad recently found out about us and said that he would never let his son marry someone from my family because my brothers and sisters don't exactly have the best reputations, he is very religious and listens to everything his dad says, he doesn't know what to do, I know he wants me to support him and to tell him that it's ok and I know what he has to do but I can't this time. I want him to stand up to his dad for me but then again I don't want him too, I've always told him that I would never want him to turn against his family for him but I just never thought it would be over so easily, his dad hasn't even met me, I thought he would of at least taken the time to get to know me, I wanna fight this I really do but I just don't want to put my boyfriend in the position where he has to choose, I don't know what to do, I don't want to lose him but I don't want him to go against his dad and I don't want to cause problems between them.
Update: He is Only 18. His younger than me.
9 months ago
I think that your boyfriend should meet with his priest/pastor (whatever the title) and discuss the situation. This of course depends on whether he is a good listener and is involved in helping his flock. I will assume that.
In a religious family, the pastor will have influence in these types of situations. They are common enough that I'd bet he has encountered it before. While there is no guarantee that he'll get the advice we want, it sounds like the father has jumped the gun on the situation and made a biased decision. Pastor Jim may be able to give him good advice and, if , let's face it, if your boyfriend is letting other people make his decisions for him, the best you can do is get a second opinion. Plus, if he is debating it with his father, being able to say "Pastor Jim said that you should meet her before deciding on her character. " puts him in a better position. He has to take the pastor seriously.
Of course, depending on what the dad is like it might just piss him off.
Personally my opinion is that he needs to learn how to make his own decisions. He's way past the age where his dad should be telling him what to do as far as his girlfriends.
Note: Left out the fact that me and my boyfriend are both Muslim and we have both never met eachothers parents. - 9 months ago
Answerer
Oh, that makes a difference. I'm not well informed on the cultural nuances within a Muslim community. My understanding is that filial respect is held in high esteem, though, and I don't know what, if anything, you can do if his father is against you. - 9 months ago
Poor thing. It isn't fair of his Dad to judge you before meeting you. Your boyfriend should try to introduce you. Hiding it for 2 years wasn't fair to you. Blood is thicker than water and if he listens to his dad it sounds like its already been decided. True love though can conquer all. I wouldn't give up without a fight. Go to their church one Sunday and show his Dad you are willing to try. Good luck sweetie!
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