My ex boyfriend & I broke up in January, mostly his decision although I agreed it was for the best because it wasn't working for either or us. We were together for over 6 months doing the long distance thing. We had a very loving relationship. We became each others best friends & had great fun together. Unfortunately we both became extremely stressed due to external reasons outside of the relationship around Christmas time & he needed space, where as I needed his support, or thought I did. Needless to say, we were both feeling very pressured as we were pulling in different directions & we broke up saying we still loved each other but it wasn't working-the distance wasn't helping either. We both said we didn't want to lose the closeness we shared nor did we have to rush the break up. However I was extremely upset & needed some closure so I cut things off for a while until I felt ok to deal with it. He contacted me a couple of times during this but I found it too hard to ignore him completely so I remained friendly. We haven't spoken on the phone since our break up & rarely talk other than I'M. We have said we still care about each other but he feels its the right decision. In the meantime we have lost the closeness & the person I knew so well now feels like a stranger. I feel like I can't talk to him & when I do he asks if I'm just talking to him for the hell of it. He is very distant with me & I have accepted I need to move on because it appears he has. I have asked his feelings recently without putting pressure on me & he's always been honest with me but this time he gave me an indirect answer & said he wrote a huge email but deleted it because he didn't want me to read into too much. He said he's so happy we don't have hard feelings but it still hurts to lose someone you spoke to everyday. However, he's coming to my town in April & we will have to see each other due to a particular venue his band is playing & I have to go to. It will be 5 months since we've seen each other & 3 since the break up. I think we need to see each other but don't quite know what to expect, so I'm expecting the worst.
I don't know if I should call him beforehand to ask him to bring a few things I left at his house with him because we haven't spoken so long. I know its an excuse to call him but I don't know how to act when I see him & feel a phone call will soften the blow? I'm a very confident girl who can handle situations well but in this instance I think I need an outside opinion. Should I call him & have a friendly chat so when we see each other it won't be so awkward or leave it until we see each other. I know things will be strange regardless because the last time we saw each other we were together. I have even wondered if its a good idea to see him or not, but I think I need to do this to be able to fully move on. No matter how much it hurts. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you
This is gonna be a hard decision to make, because I'm pretty sure the feelings that you had for each other is still there. I say not to call or even meet up. I know it sounds brutal, but I think if you guys had any contact, things might lead to the bedroom. It may feel good at first because you miss each other like crazy, but next thing you know he'll be going back to where he's from & your heart is gonna feel that aching pain again. I think you've progressed a long way by trying to keep your head up these days despite the pain you're feeling. Going back to feel that pain again, is gonna take a longer time to heal.
As for the personal items, I say let them go. I'm pretty sure their materialistic items that can be bought again. But if those items are sentimental such as pictures with your friends, I say send him an email & ask if he can mail it to you. I hope this advice would help, cause I'm currently going through a break-up myself. wish you all the best.
Thank you so much for your advice I know, it's very difficult but I think you're right. I have been thinking much the same of late. All the best with your situation too - 8 months ago
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