How do I move on?

It is going to take time to stop thinking about him. But if you want to move on, forget about the dangling carrot created by the notion that he cares. Maybe he did once, but If he still cared, you wouldn't be feeling betrayed. Sorry to use movie lines, but one recently hit home for me: We can spend all our time thinking about what we've lost. And while we're doing that, more is going out the door. At some point you've got to apply a tourniquet.
I took that to mean that the time spent mourning is just more of your life lost. And I lost so much time doing exactly that. Remove reminders of him from home, work, your computer(s) and voice mail. Avoid locations where you might see or think of him - at least for a while. Seek out new places and contacts. Occupy your mind with someone or something else. Create new memories. Don't give yourself time to dwell on what was. You'll probably want to avoid questions sent by people who are struggling through the same thing. Let other people deal with that for now.

Uhg! Lesae please please please go answer my question entitled " Why do girls constantly return to their exes who don't pay attention to them? " I just broke up with my girl. And from what I can tell I think she is still hooked on her ex-boyfriend even tho she says he has cheated on her. Does he make you excited? What makes this guy so attractive to you? Because you want what you can't have? Eventually this new girl and him won't work out. You will be still on the hook and when she is gone he will come back to you. You just have to be strong and tell yourself "I HAVE ALL READY MADE UP MY MIND NOT TO TALK OR BE WITH HIM ANY LONGER" it's hard but if you seriously think about it, it does make sense. You can only break a habit if you realize you all ready made the decision. A person who says "I'll quit smoking after I finish this pack. " is not going to quit smoking. A person who says "I quit smoking. " and throws out the remaining pack has a lot better chance.

Lesae,

I think you posses many of the answers yourself but are perhaps seeking reassurance that you are going to do the right thing.

The facts, as we know it, are that he has cheated on you and that he is currently dating another woman. Clearly he has moved on but by the sounds of it he wants to keep you around but being reminded of him constantly is making it difficult for you to find closure.

Seven years is also a very long time to simply wash away emotionally in a short period of time but you need to find closure in order to move on and you have to do it on your terms.

Perhaps it is time to focus on the sadness, hurt and betrayal and to amplify the feelings to the point where you start to realize the implications of what he did to you. Think of it, the state you are in right now is directly related to his actions. You can either play the role of the victim and feel bad for yourself or you can play the role of the heroin and go out and continue to live life and have fun while looking for Mr. Right!

How do you feel about pets? Do you have any? If not, perhaps get something that depends on you which forces you to focus on something else but thoughts of him.

Sign up for cooking classes or perhaps wine tasting seminars. Write down ten things you've always wanted to do but were either afraid or too busy to do thus far. Immerse yourself in courses to further your own profession or career.

You can only completely let him go when you start spending more time on yourself and less time thinking of him! You still have an entire lifetime ahead of you. Do you /really/ want to look back at one point and say, damn, what was I thinking spending countless hours thinking of him when all he ever gave me in return is a heartache and a very big headache! I think you know that you are worth more than that to yourself and to others!

Last but not least, when you fall off the tracks and start drifting to thinking about him, focus on all the bad things he did to you throughout your relationships. Don't focus on the good parts as that is just your mind - or lets be real, yourself - adding doubt because you really want to make excuses for him so that you can tell yourself that perhaps he did cause you all that sadness, hurt and betrayal out of love.

If he was really the "one" then I am sure he'll come around one day and find you again but you can not hit the pause button on your life and wait for him. You've got to put it on fast forward. Who knows, maybe this guy was just a prelude to the real love that is still waiting for you. Sometimes we spend so much time looking at the door that closed that we fail to see all the other doors that have opened for us and are just waiting for us to take the first step to a new beginning.

Well, nothing can instantly remove that type of pain, but there are many things that can help, and maybe solve your sadness. First, what you need to do is not read your e-mails / txts from him / IM's if you have it / and phone calls. What you want to accomplish is completely flushing him from your mind. Note, this is not permanent, just to lessen the pain. Then busy yourself with anything you can. Plan your entire week with things to do every hour. If you don't know what you can do, just take a stroll or watch a movie at home. Do whatever you can to make yourself to busy to think about him. Do not watch any sad movies, because that makes him spring into your mind again. You also have to forget why you are trying to do this. But sometimes a split is good in some different ways. Por hemplo (for example): When my girlfriend broke up with me the second time and told me she didn't feel the same anymore, I instantly quit my obsession with World of Warcraft which ate up 6 years of my life. Now I feel so much better. And if you do begin to think of this guy, just tell yourself you'd be stupid to go for him again because he cheated. How could you trust him? And then instantly flush him from your mind. This is the easiest way to forget an ex. Good luck with yourself.

Also I need help, if you could message me that would be nice... something I wish to remain anonymous about...

Its a bit hard to let someone go after 7 years. That's a pretty long time and it must've been a roller coaster ride during that trip. Of course, the higher you go, the harder you'll fall if its all over. There's really nothing that you can really do that will instantaneously reverse the roles of everything that has happened. What you can do is to let yourself know every day that you've made the right decision and that if someone doesn't want it as bad as you do, then it'd be beating a dead horse. Hang in there and remember that every day will get that much better. Before you know it, you'll be back on your feet. Hope this helps. Take care.

Hey I'm sorry about your hurt and pain maybe its best if you go out and have some fun with your friends and do stuff for yourself like maybe sending yourself flowers and giving yourself candy and having girls nights with your friends I think that it would be great for you and try to meet new people don't jump into anything too too fast because that never helps after being in a long term relationship as what you have been in. But don't sit home and morn about it make yourself a better person not saying you arnt a good person now but we all have room for improvement and make a list of what you would like in a new relationship and what you wouldn't like. I think this may help at lest I hope!

Lesae, honey, look back over some of the advice that you have given. You will find what you need in your own advice to so many others. You have helped so many on this cite (including me) and I was in exactly this same place earlier this year. I asked many questions and cried when I got the answers I really didn't want to hear but had to. I lost 35 lbs and looked like I smoked crack.

With me I really had to go on medication. I went to the doctor yesterday and he prescribed me some pills. I have yet to take them, but it may be an option you have to think about. Talk to your family doctor and see what they have to say. If you are still in this state, (it seemed like you were doing good a while back) it may be something for you to look into. If not try to keep yourself busy with hobbies, walking helps a lot because it releases the same endorfins or seratonin in your brain that the pills will, try to keep busy.

My guy is like crack to me. I tried to go cold turkey, but just like a crack addict I would do anything to get a hit of "him". I finally had to get some help.

Remember He cheated on you. Just like a man that hits, if he does it once he will do it again. Men are very strange. The easy part for you is that you have no ties. Meaning no kids? I don't know you, but you didn't mention it. I my self just left mine after 5 years, and we have a baby. 3 days after the split he met someone. I look at that like he has no morals, and no conscience. It is very hard and still so fresh, but us girls have to be strong. Why do you think most men don't cry? Not to be all religious, but god gave women more emotions because we are so much stronger then men. We cry to let it all out. With every tear we shed we gain strength. Strength to move on, strength to forgive, and strength to forget. If a friendship won't work, Forgive him, Forget him, Move on, then thank him for making you stronger. Good Luck!

Hey. The best advice I can give is to just let it go. Break all contact. It will be very very hard but the best thing for your heart is to mend back together. If you stay in contact w/ him your heart will not be able to do that to its full potential. After awhile (months) (years) however long it takes to fully get over it .. you will be able to talk to him again but you will not until you let yourself mend....

What you can do at the moment right now is forget him completely, its really hard to do that because you knew for 7 years but you will have to do it for yourself. Exes should never have contact with each other because you shared a special bond between the two of you and now that its over you expect much more than before.

Bad idea to keep talking to him, forget everything you two ever did with each other and forget you knew him. Friendships don't work well with past exes. Do what you can to get him off your mind. First you can go and hang out with a group of friends, second you can do is talk with our close family members about the situation. Sometimes crying helps too, when you cry you relive all the pain you are feeling and getting rid off it. So its okay to cry.

Don't remember the past, go out and have fun with your friends! It will be hard but the best you can do right now is do something FUN!
Hope that helped!

I'm kinda going through the same thing as you, except I've dated my guy for 2yrs. The pain is beyond anything I can explain, but I try to take it day by day. First you have to remove anything that reminds you of him pictures, sentimental items, anything that you can think of that associates with him. Do your best to eliminate all contacts with him, its gonna be hard but don't answer his calls & delete him from msn & facebook or my space. Then try talking to friends to let out your emotions. Don't be afraid to let out your tears, it's all part of the healing process. Surround yourself with positive people in your life & keep busy by doing activities that you're interested in. I started a goal's list for this year. Part of not being in a relationship is to really focus on yourself & so you can get back on top of things. Do all the things that you couldn't do while you were in a relationship. When you're feeling better try something you never had the guts to do before maybe something sexy like taking up a pole dancing course, travel, or try speed dating just for fun. And last but not least try writing. Write a letter to him expressing everything how you're feeling right now, but don't send this letter out, rip it up instead. Then have a list of all the times he made you cry, so you can only think of the bad stuff. Its gonna take time, but all this effort to focus on yourself you'll eventually attract the right one for you. You deserve someone better & think of this break up as his loss not yours.

The 2 of you can only be friends once the healing is completed and both of you are in committed exclusive relationships. You're ex will be a part of your heart, but it will also make a space for new love of your life. Just be patient & the day will come when the tears no longer exist.