I am 25 and my "ex" is 23. We met in college and were together for 2 years but lived 2 hours apart for 1 1/2 years of our relationship. I thought we had a perfect relationship: we never fought, my family loved her- her family loved me (and the same goes for our friends), the sex was marginal (which was sometimes a problem), we had a ton in common, we always laughed and had a good time together and everyone (including me, her, my family and friends and her family and friends) thought we were definitely going to get married. Then about 2 weeks ago she found out her mom (who she is very close with) has pretty advanced colon cancer. She also is taking community college classes to prepare for grad school, working as a bartender and a substitute teacher and will be going to grad school in august which is about 5 hours away from me. Then the other day I could sense something was wrong and she told me that she isn't sure that she feels the same way that she used to and wants to take a break to "find her self" and have some time off. I was very upset about this because things were so great between us and I (nor my family or friends) could have ever seen this coming in a million years. I work full time so I decided to go down and spend the last weekend with her so we could talk about this in person and things were great between us. I really felt like we were going to work it out together, but when I left she still wanted to "take a break". With in her tears and a ton of hugging and kissing she claims that she isn't seeing anyone else or is planning to, that she loved me very much, that she can see us still getting married and that didn't want to hurt me and that she felt awful for doing so. She is a very good, honest person, so I want to believe her. But I also don't want to prepare my self for being together forever if she decides that she doesn't want to be with me. I love her with all my heart and I know that she loves me also, but feel that it was just a nice way to say "we are done". I told her that I would give her the time she needs, told her how much she meant to me, said to call if she needed anything, then left. I told her that I would wait for her to call me and plan on sticking to that, but she asked me to call when I got home to make sure I got there safely. I was just going to text her "got home safe", but decided to call instead and we talked for well over an hour. Not about our relationship, but about everything else. Then we both said that we missed and loved each other, hung up and haven't talked since. So after the novel I just wrote. Does she just want a break or are we done for good?
Can I just ask how this one worked out?? My dad had colon cancer that we recently discovered has spread to his liver and I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 26 and we've been together nearly 2 years. so I know exactly where you are girl is coming from. I was having issues with trusting my bf-how could I be sure he will be there for me when my dad dies?? we never used to fight but as I wasn't talking to anyone regarding my anger issues at this happening to my dad I ended up picking fights with my boyfriend and blaming him for how I was feeling. I now realize this but at the time I had no idea. I went to leave him 4 times but was never able to and I said some pretty hurtful things-more because I was scared than anything else. I'm now having counseling and we are trying to sort things out but I hurt him pretty badly. the best advice I can give you is to tell her that you're there for her and tell her often. I doubt you are done for good. she is prob pretty messed up and because she cares for you she prob doesn't want to bring you down by talking about her problems. I really hope you work it out-maybe you could give me some advice on my qu 'i hurt my boyfriend how can I make it better?' seeing as you prob know the position he's in better than anyone? thanks!!
I think she loves you very much. I honestly don't think as this as break up. Both of you have a lot on your plate right now. I think she just needs a little breather space to take time & re-organize her thoughts. She's probably overwhelmed with thoughts of stress, trying to figure out how to balance everything, & being present for her mom during this crucial time. She knows how you feel about her & its evident how strong her feelings are for you. I say keep communication lines open, don't shut her out completely. Ask her how much time she needs , so that way both of you have a certain time frame to work on. I say this is a slight challenge for the relationship. Once you guys get over this small bump in your lives, it will make the relationship much stronger in the end. So don't give up just yet, give it some time even though I know its going to be a bit rough on both of you.
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