Ok so I have been reading the book " he's just not that into you" and I wanted a males perspective on something. It says in the book, if he doesn't call you, that means you aren't on his mind. So tell me guys. Is this true? The reason I ask is because my very serious boyfriend and I broke up a couple months ago because things were getting really serious (he was going to propose) and he got scared. People tell me that if you love someone it takes a long time to truly get over them and he probably does think of me but I haven't heard from him. I know he is moving on, and I am trying to as well but since I haven't heard from him, does this mean I never cross his mind?
From my perspective and conclusion of what I read, it is straightly obvious, if you really love the guy, show some effort and phone him and tell him you love him, and phone him as much as you want or feel like from then onwards. It seems clearly that he needs confirmation from your side and make sure you are still all the way for him and really love him and willing to fully commit before he makes the biggest choice any man could ever make. The longer you wait the more he will doubt and the harder his heart will get.
It's not true. He isn't calling you because it causes him more pain in the end. Trust me, he still thinks about you, especially if he was getting ready to propose. Yes it might take a while to get over, but what I found out is that it gets easier if you have a "closure" moment - a phone call, a meeting, etc. - where you basically understand that it wasn't meant to be. You find that out by simply talking to them as a friend. But what do I know, I'm Just A Random Guy.
Hi There. I'm aware of the book but not its content. I would think that in your situation it doesn't apply. If you're going through a break-up then you are probably on his mind a lot, but calling you would not be helpful for getting over you. It would just extend the break-up over even more time.
However, I do have a bit of an issue with this breaking up because it was getting really serious. And the only thing that comes to mind is WTF! This is almost nonsensical. I love you so much that I want to propose but I'm breaking up with you instead. I'm guessing from your story that he did the breaking up. Scared, shmared. Sounds to me like he wanted out.
Trust me, there is no such thing as "getting over" or "finalizing" a love relationship. That is absolutely unnatural and put in our minds by society that we are like machines. "Just by a click of a button or mind shift things change", that is bull. We aren't machines, but real people with souls, spirits, minds and flesh. When in love, that person remains within you forever and denying that is deceiving yourself and will only hurt you and make you do those same mistakes others have done unto you and then start believing those lies yourself and spreading them. Rather take what is good and cherish that in your heart from that person and hold onto the good memories, but naturally people should never divorce or "break up", but come together in love forever.
This person who wrote this book, sounds more like she wrote it out of spite and hurt from past experiences and ironically it's purpose is to protect woman from being hurt the same way she was and make them skeptical about men and thus treat them as aliens from outer space instead of bringing them together. It creates more barriers than it helps and keeps us avoidant and in a perpetual state of insanity from the opposite sex.
Don't take everything you read in books for granted just because they are in books. Especially subjective and emotional ones, based on personal experiences.
But to answer your question. Girls are always on my mind and I am always looking. I am in love with a girl right now, and hurting for it, not because I told her I love her, but because I held back the real thing from her, and she rejected me, out of uncertainty. The things that separate us the most is not that which is said but that which is not said.
This is really good advice. I absolutely refuse to read that book or "The Rules". Love is not a game in which you "make" the other person "cave" first. Ugh. I hate psycho-dribble. - 8 months ago
Answerer
Thats the spirit! Never stop believing and always keep on saying what you know is right and true, then not only your life changes but everyones around you. Thanks for your response ;) - 8 months ago
Question Asker
Just so you know the book was written by a guy but thanks for the advice! - 8 months ago
Enjoy the alone time-don't focus so much on him or you & him. The advice given was perfect people are not lite switches & your ex maybe hurting & just doesn't know how to deal w/it rite now - you have to enjoy you & don't over think this- when the opportunity presents itself & it will your mind will be clear & you will have self assurance which is most attractive. He ll call just be still & work on you! You don t want him if this is the way he handles things & if he just wants out" let him go! - 8 months ago
Very Good Advise . I could not have said it any better . Love is only what you are willing to invest into it . If from past experiences, you allow yourself to drag yourself down and not fully invest yourself into it, then there will never be love . - 8 months ago
No, I found out he was going to propose after he left - 8 months ago
Answerer
Were you fine with the breakup before finding out he was going to propose marriage? - 8 months ago
Question Asker
No I wasn't, it was so out of the blue. He called me last night and we talked for 4 hours and he told me that he has thought about me every minute of everyday that has gone by and he still loves me so much, that was nice to hear. I guess there are always exceptions to the rules - 8 months ago
Answerer
That is a good sign, and if you both still care about each other maybe things can work out and you'll get back together. - 8 months ago
If you really love him, stop caring about yourself and start caring about him and phone him already . If you are always going to expect something to fall into your lap for free and not willing to give a cent then you are sadly mistaken . Stop doubting yourself and him and make it happen, except if he's not worth it, but then why would you worry ? - 8 months ago
Question Asker
We have been talking everyday since I got back into town . I don't want to call too much though because we are trying to take things slow . I wish I could see him every minute of everyday but don't you think that would push him away right now ? Since he said he wants to go slow ? - 8 months ago
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: 8 months ago
asked Yesterday
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