I have had two serious girlfriends, and both of them dumped me. The first one had a crush on me at first sight and chased me for a while before I realized she was, so I made a move. She was 24 and she was Japanese (I am French and we communicated in English.) We had a great relationship, very romantic and with deep feelings. She used not to like the fact that I was going to the gym because, according to her, it was one hour of the day we didn't spend together. She said there was nothing I could ever do that could make her angry at me. Well in four months she broke up with me because she didn't love me anymore and now she hates me (tried to get her back and be her friend too much).
With my second girlfriend, things were lighter, but we had deep feelings for each other. She was 22 and from Korea, we communicated in English as well. She lost her virginity to me, she told me several times that to her I was the best, and later on she told me she loved me (after I said it earlier in the relationship)... but she broke up with me three weeks after she said that. Our relationship lasted only two months in total. At first when she asked for space and said she wasn't sure if she still loved me, she told me several times that I didn't do anything wrong and that there was nothing I should change, that she just had so much on her mind with school issues that she needed time for herself and she also said she missed her single life. She said that in the relationship, she loved me deeply. One month after she broke up she was sleeping with another guy (who was already posting on her Facebook since a little before we broke up), who is now her new boyfriend.
I just really don't understand, I am really trying my best to be a great boyfriend, and it seems to work so well at first, but then they break up with me. My two relationships lasted four months and two months... I know that sometimes people just break up because the feelings are not there anymore, but it normally takes a lot longer than that! I feel like there's something I'm missing but I don't know what.
So I have two questions: do you think that sometimes break-up happen for really no understandable reason at all? And do you have any advice as to how to keep a relationship?
I for one, don't think relationships just end for no apparent reason. If the problem was not with you, then it may have been because of your partner, don't blame it all on yourself. If there have been any problems and you were willing to take your chances and fix it, but they wouldn't allow you to and If you think you gave it your all, then that is just it.. perhaps the girl is just not the one.. What matters is that you've learned something from it. so the next time, you get into a relationship.. you know what to do and not to do. it is not easy as it seem, I know, but you have to move on, one way or the other.
Apply what you have learned from your past relationships.. and just be yourself... cause if you try changing yourself. you might just end up on the same scenario. a person doesn't have to change who they are to be loved. they only need to compromise some things, since it is a relationship of two people. it's a give and take thing. in time, you will find that person who will love and accept you for who you are and what you have to offer with the relationship.
Hanging out too much at the beginning of a relationship can sometimes lead to boredom on one or both sides of the relationship. Try taking things slower and creating some mystery in your relationships. At the beginning instead of texting/calling all day, text only once a day each or call only one time a day. Until you reach a point where you two are getting serious, contact shouldn't be made every day of the week. Go on a couple dates a week for the first month. The second and third month start making a little more contact if you think the girl is serious about the relationship as you are. Maybe try letting the girl initiate more of the contact also so you seem less clingy in that way. I wouldn't tell the girl I love them for at least 4 months or so, 2 months is way too soon to tell a girl that because if they don't feel the same way they already know you do so there is no challenge to make you love them there anymore.
No offense, but relationships that last four months or two months seem a little premature to be telling the person you love them. Perhaps you are too clingy? It's hard to say what the underlying issue is without having observed everything.
Well in my 1st relationship, my girlfriend said it to me first. In my 2nd relationship, I said it first but I told her I didn't expect her to say it back I just wanted to tell her how I felt towards her. But yes I do think being clingy is something that could apply to me, but still... 2 months and 4 months? Isn't it normal to hang out a lot at first? The beginning is always very passionate, it seems weird to be able to tell in such a short amount of time that breaking-up is the only option... - 2 months ago
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(but what you said is still right though) - 2 months ago
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