id been with my girlfriend 4 and a half years we'd been going through a really bad time in our relationship mainly because we both worked such different hours and had just come back from tenerife where we lived for a year together and was finding hard to settle back which I know is no excuse I'm not trying to use it as one. a woman came into my work who had been in a month before to buy something, this time tho she gave me her number. I didn't text her for a couple of weeks but then we had another big argument so the next day I text her, I ended up seeing her 3 times and sleeping with her twice in a couple of weeks, me and my girlfriend then split up and she moved out but it was a joint decision. after only one day apart we both realized we wanted each other back so we decide to take things slowly like going on dates again like starting from the beginning. but yesterday I got a random text from the other woman even tho id not text her since me and my girlfriend started again. I denied it stupidly even tho it was obvious I just couldn't tell the truth about it because I was so ashamed and knew I was hurting her. I know now that I should have thought about that b4 I cheated but I didn't so what's done is done. I just can't bear to be without her, I've written her a poem about everything I feel, I started it yesterday and I'm going to add what I feel and how sorry I am everyday then after a week put it on her car at work so she finds it. I've got 3 days worth so far and its about 3 pages long, is there anything else I could do? and do you this poem mite help?i really am sorry about it all it was a stupid mistake and the biggest of my life. I've said no loads of times before I'm just so mad with myself for just not saying no again. and before anybody asked if id take her back if it was reversed I really don't know because its never happened to me before and I don't think you really know til its happened. please I just want some advise on what to do or not do?
Update: thanks for all the answers they all helped but I decided I wanted her back for all the wrong reasons. I hate wot I did and I felt winning her back would stop her hurting if the trust was always gone then she would end it and hurt me loads but she'd be ok.
A month ago
Update: so even though we might still split up she would have hurt me and I would love to take the hurt I've caused her to stop her hurting. if that makes sense. but I decided that's not a good enough reason to want her back so I have left her to just heal.
A month ago
Update: so we can both move on. I still miss her everyday though but I think and hope that that'll go in time. and I've also not given her what I wrote because that wouldn't be fair on her.
A month ago
Trust is huge. Women can get past it and many do. If you really want her back you have to be willing to put up with a lot of she doesn't trust you at all. A poem is sort of too slurpy, She wont' feel all romantic over it. If you want to write her a short message do so, but only do it to ease her pain not yours. After that don't even try to get back with her unless this is the girl you want to marry. Really, really marry. Otherwise what is your point. And if she is the one you want to marry then even if it takes a year you have to be committed to that. Otherwise leave her alone. Can you go six months without her and without seeing other women. Do nice things for her that she won't even know you did.
I know she won't feel its romantic but I thought by making 7 shorts poems each day about how I'm feelin each day she will know each day I've bin thinkin bout how much I hurt her. do you think its a bad idea? when I say its 3 pages long each line only has about 5 or 6 words in it.and the reason I want to wait a week before giving it is to make 100% sure that she is defo the woman I want to be with 4eva. rite now I think she is but I'm not a cheater I'm 100% against it which is why I'm so mad I did it. - 2 months ago
Listen to this one don't bombard her with lots of poems one or two even three is fine after that it get redundant! - 2 months ago
Answerer
Oh if you have a MySpace find a song that says what an idiot you were or something clearly to put a message to her and to all other girls that may look that you love her and messed up. Don't chat with other women at all unless they are your mother or sister. Do not han explain the relationship. Even if you never get her back do not date for a year, regardless of what she does. she will live better off knowing that you may have messed up but you meant it when you said you wanted her - 2 months ago
Question Asker
I wasn't givin her 1 poem evryday I want to give her time first but when I do give her them il give all at once explaining that I've written one everyday explaing my thoughts in each one. the other reason why I'm waitin a week to give them is to make sure 100% that I defo want hr bk I feel I really do rite now but it could just b shock and want evrythin normal again which I know neva will be. il post a bit of what I wrote on the first day tell me wot do you think? - 2 months ago
A lot of relationships are stronger if you get back together after an experience such as this. It won't be easy, you'll have to be honest with her from now on. find little ways to say I love you. I wouldn't suggest a 3 page poem. If you write her a poem make it shorter some thing sweet and simple no one wants to read an apology in essay form. Do little things like maybe stick little post it notes somewhere she'll find them. another thing you can do with post its is make a game where she finds a clue somewhere obvious even if that means you handing it to her while ur on ur way out of the house so she doesn't have time to ask what ur up to. Have each clue take her to something meaningful to ur relationship. things that might make her tear up at the fact that you remember or thought of that. then have the last clue lead her to dinner at her fav restaurant from there make it a special night for her just plan to do things that you know she'll love. this will show how much you care because ur really gonna have think to do this one. The morning get up before her and go get her flowers and coffee. She wants two things from you right now, to know you care and you won't cheat again. Just saying you care and won't cheat won't mean a single thing you have to prove through action. and you can't just give her one amazing night and expect that to fix everything, you'll have to make everyday about her I mean don't take her out every night that just gets old. continue to live ur life to or u'll make ur self miserable after the amazing night go spend a night with the guys but text her at random times to say things like, I love u, last night was so much fun, wish you could be here. even if ur having an amazing time with the guys she'll like feeling missed. just don't text every few seconds u'll annoy her and ur friends. From there you can do little things with her like a movie in or out of the house. just put thought into it. Ask her opinion if ur not sure. just go for a walk under the stars, maybe walk to the park push her on the swing act like little kids for a bit maybe tease her lightly. corny lines like ur eyes are out doing the stars tonight may seem like they have no effect but inside she will cherish it. Use ur imagination everyday for different things you can do. give her time let her heal. keep the other woman out of ur life forget her all together but never forget the pain she caused and u'll be alright!
Thanks 4 ur advice. and I will neva forget the pain I've caused by my actions and I will neva eva cheat again I stil can't believe I did now.and I hate the other woman as much as myself rite now because of how she turned against me and told my girlfriend everythin in such a malicious way even tho she knew a had a girlfriend so she hadnt been lied to, so I don't understand y she did that when she had no reason to be mad. - 2 months ago
Answerer
That's easy her kind has a name they're called home-wreckers the only thing she wants is to destroy you and your relationship. There are two types of home-wreckers and I'm sorry you got the worse of the two which make it that much harder to repair everything. But love wins out in the end so I wish you the best of luck and hope my advice helped at least a little bit. Good luck :D - 2 months ago
Question Asker
I know wot they say too little too late, i understand if now you hate. i had it all and threw it away, id love nothin more than you to stay. i know you won't I wouldn't either, id say sorry without a breather. keep going til I ran out of air, if I thought it mite make you care. i know it won't and that's because of me, i don't need telling I already see. im so sorry just won't work, what I did will always lurk. behind every door in every crack, coz of what I've done there's no going back. - 2 months ago
Answerer
Good length, good rhymes, has a point, has thought, just make sure you run spell check before giving it to her other then that I like it good luck! - 2 months ago
Question Asker
There are 6 at the moment but there will b 7 tomorrow all same sorta lenth as that one but because there was 1 written each day its sorta tellin a story bout how sorry I am and how each day that's past I've not stopped thinkin about her. she already knows I'm good at writin stuff like that because I've done it b4 on her birthday and when I sent flowers to her so she'll know that only took me about 5 mins to write, but I've neva done so many about one thing so its all straight from the heart. - 2 months ago
Answerer
That's good I think ur heart is going in the right direction. so the next question is how are you going to give them to her you don't want to just hand them to her... and not all at once you should find a different way to give her each one... good Luck! - 2 months ago
My ex cheated on me, and after that I was never able to see him in the same way. I just realized that if he had the capacity to do something he knew would hurt me so much, than he wasn't at all the person I thought he was.
I would say the only way I could ever take someone back after that is if they prove to me that I can trust them again, and that they will never do it again. If you really want your girlfriend back, you have to be willing to do what ever it takes to rebuild trust, no matter how long it takes.
Unfourtunately, I don't have any suggestions about what you go to. But seeing as you lied to her about the other girl, I don't think talking to her will work because she probably won't believe anything you say.
I know wot you mean bout talkin won't work she really doesn't believe anythin I say! the other downside with me and what I say is that she knows I'm very good with words knowing wot to say and when to say it,so rite now she doesn't believe anythin. I don't know what actions I can do because I know she doent wanna c me or have me anywhere near her rite now. I also agree bout her thinkin if I could do somethin to hurt her that much I'm not the person she thought I was. but I am the person she thought I was! - 2 months ago
Answerer
Right now she only sees you as the guy who cheated on her, your going to have to be patient and be the best person you can possibly be so she can see you for you and not what you did. - 2 months ago
Question Asker
Do you really think there will b a time when she will c me for who I am again and not just that one mistake I made. because I really am normally an ok sorta guy, I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm that nice in general but I am nice to the people I care about, I djust don't want her to always c me as the bad man who broke her heart because I know I'm more than that. - 2 months ago
Answerer
I think its possible, because there are people who get back together after cheating because deep down they both still care for each other. I just don't know what it takes to get to that point again. - 2 months ago
Question Asker
But do you also believe that it'l neva b the same again and will inevitably end anyway because of the lack of trust and the relationship will crumble because trust is an integral part of it and without that there isn't really much to hold it together. like buildin a house with no cement. eventually it'l fall down. I really don't know what to do. I want her bk but do I just want it to b like it was again even tho I know it neva will b. - 2 months ago
Answerer
I don't think you can get back what was, because even though what was was really great... something was wrong there that lead to the cheating. I do however believe that if you can figure out what lead to cheat in the first place and deal with the underlying issue you can develop a new relationship that could potentially be stronger than before. However, if you really want her back, you are going to have to commit your time and energy to regaining trust, which I believe can be achieved... in time - 2 months ago
Since you're starting anew, if writing it down in a poem is the best approach for you then do it. I completely concur that you need to level with your girlfriend and be truthful. If she needs to discuss it further in person then be open to it. You need to express your remorse, how it was a BIG mistake, you realize that you ONLY want to be with her, how you feel as a result of the cheating (guilt, it was a mistake, poor judgment etc.). Be prepared that she will be hurt, let down and disappointed however remind her that you want to start anew, be honest, reaffirm your love and desire to be with her only. Thereafter, you will need to give her time to process all of this.
I also suggest that you explore other "outlets" when you experience relationship issues to save yourself hurt and your loved one. I understand that people make mistakes and I am not in any way judging you. Hopefully, you can both move on and get past all of this.
Sorry don't think I put in the details of wot happened my girlfiend read the txt and was txtin the woman I had seen and she told her everythin while I was stil denying it. the poem is just a way of trying to get her to hear wot I say, I've sent a few txt saying how sorry I am but she doenst reply which I completely understand, she always thought she could trust me that's one thing we always had and I ruined it. I don't mind if people judge me I know what I did was wrong stupid and very selfish. - 2 months ago
Answerer
Part of potential forgiveness is hearing the person is remorseful and cares. She is hurt right now and needs time. You did the best thing by telling her the truth. If you didn't tell her, she would've found out some way- it always seems to happen like that. GIve her time and space. When you truly love someone, sometimes we can look past a bad choice and move on. Hang in there, - 2 months ago
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