I met a guy on the internet in January and we started texting and calling. I totally fell for him and he said he felt the same way. We live 200 miles apart but I would go to stay with him. He stayed with me a few times too. He told me he loved me, that I was amazing and he'd never met anyone like me before. He said he wanted to marry me and I honestly believed he was sincere.
But I couldn't ignore his odd behavior... he was really secretive with his phone and he only ever stayed for one night at mine before driving the 200 miles back for whatever reason he needed to that time. I eventually started to feel like something was going on behind my back as he started to have lots of things he had to do on weekends instead of seeing me. He'd always be vague about making plans and let me down at the last minute, even though he insisted he loved me and missed me.
I said I wasn't happy with the way things were and instead of protesting, he said it would be best to break up, although he cried and said he missed me. He would text me all the time just chatting about trivial things until I said if we were going to break up, it'd have to be a clean break with no contact so I could get over it, although I loved him and wanted to be with him still, he said he wasn't ready to be in a relationship because he was an emotional wreck and wasn't mentally stable - he does have trust and security issues which I always tried to help him with.
He always got jealous about were I was in the evenings and who I was with. He read my text messages as I was writing them too. He said it was because he was worried I would find someone better, which I thought was sweet at the time. So he said he wasn't ready to be in a relationship although he loved me and missed me, which I tried to understand even though it hurt me. Then yesterday I gained access to his email and Facebook, which I know was wrong but I just had to know what was really going on. From his emails and messages I learnt he'd still been with the girl he was seeing before me for the whole of our relationship. He told me they'd split up before him and I got together. So all the shady behavior fell into place. He went on holiday last week and he told me he went with two friend. He didn't. He went with his girlfriend. And I had no idea. I confronted him on the phone and he denied it all. He admitted going on holiday with her when I insisted I knew about it, but said it was just as friends and they'd booked it before him and I got together, which isn't true, they booked it a month ago. He denied seeing her while we were together, though he'd been with her the whole time we were meant to be together, seeing her at weekends when he made an excuse not to see me. Then he sent me a text saying he can't handle this and wishes he was dead. I feel shocked, hurt, rejected and FURIOUS with him for making me believe we had something and telling me he loved me and wanted to marry me. What the hell goes through his head?
If a guy genuinely wishes to marry you, in his heart, when you let him know you want to marry him too he would propose pretty quickly after (say in the next month). In all other situations he's a lying jerk and you should run for the hills.
On the ex thing though, I keep in touch with my ex (by messenger and skype) reasonably regularly but I am completely and utterly in love with someone else (and I do want to marry her, if she just wouldn's say things like "please don't" when I have in the past brung up that I want to ask her to marry me.. which seems pretty clear she's not up for it).
Anyone else saying about marriage is just trying it on (*the "$&~#*).
So, the ex thing isn't such a biggie really (giving him the benifit of the doubt that he wasn't lying about that at least).
He obviously does have feelings for you though. Maybe the ex thing was a stupid mistake.
Did you let him know you where very much in favour of the marriage?
He was either genuinely guilty that he had lead you on, but too much of a coward to tell you up front. I know how terrible it is to suspect a conspiracy, and actually have to work to confirm it. When it hits home, it drives you insane. There's nothing you can do but forget him. That's the only thing that will help you. You may have loved him, but when someone doesn't appear to be transparent then there is always a very, very good reason. It makes me angry to hear this, as I actually do have trust issues and I'm mentally unfit. The give away for me is that he's actually had relationships - so he's obviously mentally stable enough for someone. People who aren't transparent give the game away early on. If you're clever enough (which you obviously are) you'll work them out, at which point they either become defensive or deny everything or both. Beinf mentally unfit and having trust and security issues means that you actually are mentally unfit to be in a relationship, and this is why hearing this p*sses me off, I've only ever had 1 relationship in my time (I'm 21) and since that break up, I've become incredibly paranoid and I've never managed to get together with anyone since, each fling has resulted in a psychiatric episode. If I could, I'd react violently to this bloke for abusing this reasoning, as he clearly isn't mentally unstable, because as stated above, he's stable enough, trusting enough and secure enough for his girlfriend (the other girl) to be with him.
I thought he was really thoughtful and considerate of other people's feelings.. maybe he did feel guilty. He was definitely too much of a coward to tell me. I know what he's like with his girlfriend now from messages I've read.. he checks her phone, wants to see her all the time, wants to know where she is and who with, like he was with me. He's selfish and I can see that now. It's always been about him and how rubbish he feels. He'll never be happy. I just need to move on. - 2 months ago
Was this guy's name Stephen Heath from Alabama by any chance? Sounds like my ex-fiance who even tried to cheat on his new girlfriend with me after we broke up and before he bothered to tell me about his other girlfriend (one of many he "tried" to hook up with). This guy sounds like the loser that I'm having trouble getting over, but you know what, it's for the best that we both found out now before its too late so we can grieve and heal, and then move on. I wish you all the best girlfriend.
You said you met online. How long he has been doing the internet dating for? Do you know if he still searching on internet when we were together? Have you ever thought about maybe he addicted to internet dating. It happens a lot today the addiction will make people hard to commit and satisfied when they aware there are plenty fishes in the pond for them to pick.
We met on Facebook on some application where you tag photos of other people, it wasn't a proper dating site. He gave me his number. I didn't think he was chatting to anyone but then everything I thought about him was clearly wrong so I don't know if he met anyone else online. He met his girlfriend through work. - 2 months ago
hey, since you have some experience with this kind of stuff, could you help me? don't answer me if you want but I need some help.
a year ago, I met this guy over the phone, texting that is (it was my older sis old phone and SIM card). so, we started talking and getting to knwo each other, but he is like 21. (me 17). he keeps telling me he loves me and wants to be near me but, when I tell him to come visist me, he says he can't. I always ask him why and he says something like "i have to help my brother... he was evicted..." and I let him get by with it. but then, when I first met him, he said he was living in Ireland. I was ok with that. but then the next week when he texted me, he said last week he was with his Bro in Ohio. I was so confused! then, the pics he sent me of "ireland" I looked them up on the internet, I found similar ones. I knew then he was lying but then he is going on of how he wants me to come live with him and that he misses me and wants me near. then he told me he was going to live in Idaho and the something about Washington state! I don't know if another girl is involved but he is always asking me for pics. I don't want to give him any until I meet him. he wants me to come visit him thru the buses but he has a car and won't come see me! he knows where my older bro lives so he can't say he doesn't know where... was he lying when he said he loved me? was he lying from since the beginning? have I been foolish enough to believe him?
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