I have been with my soon to be ex wife for 5 years and we have a two year old son together. On Christmas eve she told me she wanted a divorce and wanted to move out. To make a long story short she ended up cheating on me twice with two different times while she was still living in my apartment. She has moved out, and we are currently going through the paper work. Just the other day I told her that I was not trying to get back together with her by saying this, but I am committing myself to you for the rest of the year in case you change your mind and want to try and work on things. Is this the honorable thing to do or is this me just being stupid? Any comments at all would be helpful, even if they say that you have no idea.
I think it is honorable! Sometimes love goes in a wrong direction. It takes work! I believe once trust is broken it takes a long time to get back. She was wrong for cheating and I would be careful but if you both are serious about loving one another than work on your relationship. Just because people cheat does not in anyway mean they never loved you. It means they are human and messed up. Cheating is horrible but it isn't unforgivable. There is no excuses for her and if she has changed or really wants to why not give it a shot. But like these other people say get checked out for a std and wear protection with her for a really long time because she was unfaithful. If you want to talk email me. I could help you out.
She does need some help, but she is not smart enough to realize that she needs it. It is too bad for our son because I don't want him to have to go through her up coming mental break down - 6 months ago
Answerer
Well you could have him go on a trip or you could at least talk him about it. Boys really look up to their fathers. So I'm sure it would mean a lot to him if you helped him understand - 6 months ago
I think you're being stupid. Also, I think you already know the answer, but want someone to tell you differently. Work on getting over her; your relationship is over because she doesn't love you. Please, don't waste your time or thoughts or energy on someone who doesn't love you. Focus on not getting railroaded in the divorce. Focus on raising your son and spending as much time with him as you can. Next thing you know, you'll be ready to focus on falling in love again. With someone who deserves you, and who loves you back. The kind of girl a guy like you deserves. Good luck.
What I meant by giving her until the end of the year if she changes her mind is that; I have already started moving on and putting her behind me. It has already been 3 months and counting, I am just putting the ball in her court that if she has a change in heart that I am willing to work on things. This is the only chance that I am giving her, I am not going to get back together with her in five years and stop my life to try and make it work then. I hope that makes sense. It is now or never. - 6 months ago
I think it's honorable, but at the same time you could be setting yourself up for getting hurt worse than you already are. I wouldn't call this stupid, just dangerous. She might use that to her advantage and sleep with a bunch of guys and then come back to you. I don't think that's what you'd want and it definitely doesn't sound like you deserve that. It all depends on how you feel. If you truly feel that she can change and that your marriage is salvageable, then do what your heart tells you, but be ready for either outcomes. Also think of what will be best for your son. You know that even if she does come back, there will be serious trust issues and that will lead to arguments. Do you want your son exposed to that? These are all important factors that I'm sure you've already considered, but may give you some clarity and help with your decision. I know your mind and your heart are probably going opposite directions here but try to find the happy and logical median and you're answer will be there.
It is an honorable thing to do in thought. But the thing is she cheated on you, not once but TWICE!....and although you want to work it out with her I think it might be best to actually get the divorce because once you cheat, it becomes a cycle and if you are really up for another heartbreak over and over again then get back with her. But I really think that this divorce might be for the best.
Well, your not being stupid, but your not being smart. If she has cheated on you twice, then why are you bothering to help or even entertain the thought of working it out if she chooses so. I know you want to make sure the kids are kept care of, but I wouldn't leave the other door unlocked. Shut her out of your life except if it has to do with the kids. You have a good heart, use it not abuse it.
It is hard to know if that's a good or sensible idea, without knowing her reasons for wanting to leave. Has counseling come up? In any case, if she is determined to split up, I would recommend that, if your state allows it, try to go through a mediator to develop a divorce agreement. Based on my own my experience, it is one way to end up with a civil post-divorce relationship - which is a big plus for all, but especially your son.
She wants to split because she says that she is unhappy. I have asked her if she wanted to go to counseling but she said no. Why she was still living with me she always said we would talk about it after she moved out, she just needed time. But after she moved out she just doesn't want to have to face it at all. It seems to me like she just wants to wash her self of me. She has a history of running away from her problems. Never wanting to bring them up and deal with them. - 6 months ago
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