I dated a great guy all through my senior year of high school. He was everything I'd ever wished for and more. I loved him more than I can even describe; it was the first time that I could truly say that I had been in love. Well, 2 days after I left for college (and 4 days after our 1 year anniversary), he called me and told me that he wanted to end things with me. I asked him why, and he told me that he was gay. He said that he was sorry that he had lead me on, he didn't mean to hurt me, but he had never had feelings for women and wanted to make a fresh start and be "out" at college.
Well, to make a long story short, I told him that I still wanted to be friends with him and that his being gay wouldn't affect that. So ever since then, we remained very close friends and talk constantly. Today, he called me and told me that he has a boyfriend; it's his first relationship since we broke up. It felt like my whole world was falling to pieces. I mean, I knew that this day would come, and I thought that I was ready for it; but when he told me that he had a boyfriend, I felt devastated. And that made me feel horrible because I should be happy for him; instead, I'm just hurt and despondent. I feel like I'm letting him down because as his friend I'm supposed to be happy that he's happy, but I'm not. I know that in time, I'll get over the initial shock and I'll be happy for him; but right now, I feel like the most horrid person in the history of mankind.
I have no idea where these emotions are coming from. I knew he was gay and that eventually he would have a boyfriend. So why does it still hurt so bad? And how can I put the pain behind me? And am I a horrible person and friend for feeling this way?
Ouch! Well honestly. It doesn't sound like he was gay. Guys will pull a punch and fake a train ticket on the fag train to get out of a relationship. He's in college, and either A he's just trying to try new chicks. That whole college chicks are awesome type deal. Or he really is gay and is just experimenting or something. Either way. Don't be ashamed and find yourself a new guy who won't jump ship on you. Chin up little lady. This guy was a douche and besides. Who wants to date some dude who can shop and do nails better than you can. Eh? You'll be fine.
In times of a breakup there are a lot of emotions that run through your head. I would say that its best to just feel them, have a cry .... and then focus on more empowering thoughts.
Don't you notice that you are more upset when you think about him. I found that during my breakups, that I was only upset when I was thinking about my exes and what I used to do with them .. and blah blah blah
take the opportunity to start taking control of your thoughts and have the strength to think of something more empowering when you feel like thinking about your ex
You are not a horrible person at all. What you need to do is go out there and find another gay. It doesn't sound like you've moved on at all, it sounds like your were just waiting and hoping that he'd change his mind and come back to you. Which is what most women would want, but what you need to do is MOVE ON, find some one better, once you have you'll be a better friend to your ex and you'll start feeling less devastated about the whole thing-because you'll have someone else
First of all, you are definitely not a horrible person/friend for feeling this way! It sounds like you guys had a really good time and past, thus no human being is bad for feeling nostalgic or sad when you're no longer together.
I had a similar situation as you where I dated this guy, he loved me heaps and I loved him more, but then eventually he found out he was gay. The reason you're feeling sad is even though it's a new boyfriend not a new girlfriend, you still feel like you're the one that was rejected, and your place has been replaced by a better person. Hell no. Don't feel that way (if this does make sense to you). He's just got a new boyfriend and things won't necessarily work out between them. It might, but it's going to take time. Even if they seem to be getting on really well in the first few months, it won't necessarily last. True, happy relationships are hard to build. So don't feel down.
If possible at all, try to feel like his mother. By this I mean worrying and looking out for him instead of feeling like you're no longer in the scene! He's a gay guy and I'm sure he'll love you for it :p :)
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