I have been on and off with my boyfriend for 4 years.Off as of now I just want us to be together and happy... He has deep seeded issues due to an abusive childhood. I know I can not fix him nor would I know where to even start? He has trust issues with women and he is afraid of commitment and taking risks especially with relationships. He has a big heart and is very kind and compassionate. But when it comes to a relationship he runs. BUt then he opens up and we are together, then he closes up and runs away again. I know he isn't interested in being with anyone else as he had convinced me :) But I'm stuck. This has been going on for a longtime, but he is worth it to me. I have actually learned a lot about myself and the mistakes I have made with pushing him beyond his boundries too fast. I know that the next time around, cause that is the pattern I will be much stronger and more patient with him. BUT How do I show him that we can make it work. How can I show him that I am not a scary monster? Right now,he has told me that he shut his feelings off. Not just towards me, but everyone and everything. I know he loves me deep down and is afraid cause it would be new to admit something like that. Well as of late we decided to be friends so we can rebuild trust and that connection (although we have more than one connection). I just don't know when the right time will be to bring up being together? I know timing is everything. Ug! Please help. We love and care about each other I just don't know? I love the booger! :)
Alright well try to get him to go to therapy. This will be an issue no matter what you do and it seems that it's serious enough to require professional evaluation. Unfortunately he has a certain outlook on himself. He probably understands that there is something wrong but you can give him the extra push to get himself help. By you mentioning him shutting off feelings to everyone not just you is actually dangerous to himself. If he doesn't get professional help and you are able to get him to accept a relationship with you he will probably eventually distrust you again. It may be that he is bi-polar. I only say this because it sounds like since you are on again off again he seems to be changing his mind rapidly. Definitely get him some help. I just hope you are strong enough to stick by him through it. Just remember that if he does start any therapy or medication it does take some time and he may need to go to different types of doctors or take different medications. This will cause mood swings but if you are able stick by him and remember that it can only get better.
Thank you so much for your response. His sister was diagnosed with bi-polar so it is very possible that he may to have it as well. I have tried to get him to go see someone and he did very briefly. It didn't work out and he hasn't gone since. I really don't want to manipulate or trick him into going even if it is for his own good, because he is the one that has to want the help. As of now,he does not want a relationship (again) and says he can't trust me. I don't know how to "earn" his trust again. - 3 months ago
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When: 3 months ago
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