I've lost everything and I feel so alone

I've had to reinvent myself several times in life so far, and for the most part it has been alone. Once I choose a new direction, the friends come in time. Most recently, I've moved back home to Virginia, and suffered from a severe lack of friendship. I've used www.meetup.com to find interest groups in my area. I've made a handful of new friends. We don't spend all of our free-time together, but every weekend I have something I could do with one or all of them.

The best thing you can do is focus on yourself right now. Enjoy some activities maybe you haven't had the time to do in a while. Find new activities you've always wanted to try, maybe go on a trip. You'll feel better about yourself, and likely make friends along the way.

I generally do not like ultimatums or advice given with no feeling, so when your friends said "Get along with all of us or not at all" I personally wouldn't have given them another thought. If you really want to get back in touch with them, take some time apart and see if any of them try to get back in touch with you. Don't put yourself in a situation where you have to be around him. Even if you did spend time with all of them, you probably wouldn't enjoy it at all. You would be tortured by him and his girlfriend being there, and the other friends being nice to them both.

If they want to be a package deal, find a new package you like.

I'm really sorry that you're dealing with this but you know what, if your friends are really your friends, they'd be there for you no matter what. I know it's really difficult to go through this with no support system but honestly, sometimes I think that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

the fact that you guys share mutual friends is very difficult. I think that a constructive way to get over him is to take yourself out of this environment. what I mean is, get rid of any sentimental things pertaining to him like old pics, a gift, etc. don't go to places that remind you of him and I know this will be hard but if you can try not to surround yourself with people he's associated with. right now you want to focus on you. you have to start rebuilding yourself as an individual first, maybe do a little soul searching. if that requires you to fall out of the radar then do so. try something new or pursue a hobby that you had no time for before. but whatever it is you're doing, make sure it's constructive and positive. I know there'll be days when you'll find yourself sulking and thinking of what happened and the shoulda, woulda, coulda, ifs and buts come in.but you must tell yourself that, 'I'm a strong woman. I can do this. I WILL get through this.' No one can stop you from doing anything except yourself. So remember that you are doing this for you and no one else.

Do me a favor. Please go in front of the mirror and tell yourself, " I'm a strong woman. I can do this. I WILL get through this.' or something along those lines. I know you'll have a long ways to go still but it's a start. Keep your head up high. Thins will only get better. Just be patient and give yourself time. After all, time does heal all wounds.

Take care for now.

:)

I was reading ur story and was amazed by ur friends not sticking by you during this process, my ex did similar things to me, we broke up, yet we still saw each other, would see me with other people, get extremely jealous and tell them I was his girl, he was telling me he loved me, yet spoke of other flings, what pushed me over the top was him telling me he was in love with my best friend thru the whole relationship, which I know was a lie because he never liked her, but he knew what to say to get me angry.. And ever since then I haven't spoken to him.. personally I think that's such a selfish way to react toward a situation that wasn't going anywhere, knowing he was hurting my feelings.. any who, getting back to what I'm trying to say, its not easy after being so involved with someone to have them go away, come back again, then leave.. look, in all honesty, be happy, you guys weren't meant to be together if the same old shit keeps reoccurring, and now that he is back with his ex girlfriend then this is a clear sign, but before doing anything, make sure ur happy with urself, and put urself first the next couple of months and you will feel so strong and happy after a while, but hey, you would have finally gotten there.. and this friend who is now helping you move on is just what you need, go out, get ur nails done or whatever and go meet new people, make great friends, memories, and possible partners, yeh breaking up happens, but that's life, and if life was easy, then it would be a ho..

Wow that is ROUGH - esp him going back to his ex so quickly. NOT what you needed at that point! as for the friends - reach out to them, but if they're really over it, don't push it. who needs friends where you have to feel like you "talked them into" being friends with you?

Work on becoming the person you were talking about and move on to new friendships. you DO need friends to help get through this, so explore new options. reach out to people at work. take a class in your community. learn something new - cooking, a language, get a dog (a REALLY great comfort, I think! plus, it helps you meet people too!)

Don't focus on the past as you meet these new people - focus on who you're becoming and what lies ahead :-)

*good luck!*
www.whywasidissed.com

Either way as long as he's around your life will be complicated. You can either choose to take him back or not. Either way only YOU have to deal with the rewards AND the consequences.

(SIGH) WOW that is the most I can say why don't people pay attention to warning signs? huh? It's your fault you did it to your self but all I have to say is start to do things that will keep your mind off of him and get out and get busy it'll help keep your mind occupied. that's all I have to say.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I know how it feels to feel alone and lost. I am feeling the same way as well, over an ex who did the same thing to me. Break up, then came back. Etc. For 3 years. I don't have any friends either, only 1 person I can really talk to, but it doesn't really help. I am trying to keep myself busy by signing up for classes, gym classes, salsa, art class, diving. Etc. I know it will get my mind off him, and I know I will meet people there. You said you can't afford to take classes. Is there anything else you can do to get yourself out there? There was one day when I decided to hang out at chilis by myself. I sat at the bar. It was a lot of fun. I became friends with the bar tenders, and one of the managers. And a lot of guys who came sat close by and started talking to me. It is a cool way to make yourself known to other people, and to meet new people.

I know I can't really give you any advise bec obviously we are going thru the same problem. But I wanted to let you know that you're not alone. You can email me or talk to me anytime when you need a friend, ok?

What are some of your other interests?
I would say that you should find new friends first. Maybe the people who you thought were your friends are not the best source of support because they were more loyal to your ex in the first place.

If you have a gym, start taking the classes they offer there - burn some calories and the energy that you're spending thinking about this for something that is healthy. What about work friends? Neighbors? Be neighborly and and invite a group of neighbors out to dinner one evening, or have a bbq one day or something like that. Go door to door and introduce yourself. It's an idea, just start being creative.
If all else fails, go see a professional therapist. Someone you can trust with your thoughts and feelings, and maybe you'll work through what it is you really needed from your ex.

But all-in-all, it seems that the people you call friends are not really true friends if they just kick you while you're down (regardless of the advice) and just tell you you're a downer to be with.

You're not alone, you're just lost for a bit - you'll find your way.
it sucks, but it will all work out the way it's supposed to be.

Well first of all quit the pity party. I agree with your "friends". You did this to yourself. Your biggest mistake was taking back an ex. An ex is an ex for a reason. And that cliche exists because its true.

What you need to do is quit moping, go out , and make NEW friends that aren't associated with him.