Why would she pick a loser?

Well, what is her family history? Is she mirroring what she grew up with? If so, its best if you stay away from her because its impossible to rescue people.

If this is out of the ordinary for her, ie. has a great family, she may be having some emotional problems from her parents divorce and father's health. Is she drinking with him? If she is, the drinking seems "fun" because its help her escape her reality, and he drinks with her she feels a connection with him.

Either way, there sounds like some self esteem issues with her, and she is going to have to work through them.

I'm sorry you're so heartbroken. But you do have a lot going for you, and you will meet someone worth while. If you feel like crying let it out, keeping it bottled up will not help you.

maybe she doesn't feel very good about herself right now, and that is reflected in her dating choices? That would obviously be tragic, because she is obviously better than the drunk guy she's with - and you would be a better choice. HOWEVER, if that IS her choice, you can't keep beating yourself up. I get that you care about her- maybe you can have a mutual friend talk to her seriously about the guy she is seeing, and about how she might be in danger, etc., etc., but I dont' think you're the one to do it. You're too close to the situation. Moving on is hard in just about ANY circumstance, let alone one like this, but it sounds like that's what you're going to have to do.

*good luck*

Sounds harsh but at the end of the day it comes down to one simple thing - she simply didn't feel as strongly as you. She may just date someone else for the heck of it, cos there's chemistry, cos he seems ok. But with you it's fairly intense and she doesn't quite feel as intensely as you. So it makes her uncomfortable and she bails.

heya!

ive been there not quite the same but I've been dumped for a girl who is not even half the person i am ! hate to sound mean but she hasn't got a brain cell in her head! she loves herself bitches about people because of there looks ,looks down on everyone can't have an intelligent meaningful conversation,treats him like shit doesn't appreciate the things he does for her and flirts with everyone in and has even cheated! it was a few years ago now but I still could never understand why he would choose her over me as I have so much more to offer ok I'm not angelina jolie but neither was she!


the thing you have to realize it does not matter what we have to offer or what we have going for our selfs if the person doesn't want us and wants someone who is less than us then that is just what they want and it is who they have feelings for we can't help who we have feelings for whether it be the best guy in the world or the worst guy in the world what we have to offer doesn't make people like us more than someone they have chemistry with

I don't know what advice to give you but I don't think its personal at ALL. Don't compare yourself to the other guy. I say the situation with the other guy arose solely cause of the circumstances that she's going through. it has nothing to do with you. Even though you said she's being pretty foul about stuff when you try to communicate with her, I would still tell her (in different words) "listen, I just have to tell you. I still love (like?) you. and with no regard or affiliation with OUR relationship, I just need to tell you that I don't like the way that the guy is treating you. etc. and that I think that you deserve better"
Her eyes need to be opened to the way that she's being treated because believe me. when you love/like someone, you're COMPLETELY blind to many wrong things that they do towards you and just see the good.
And again, don't take the whole guy thing personally. Its a psychological fact that people are sometimes attracted to those who treat them the way that they were brought up. If her parents didn't treat her well when she was younger, she would possibly be attracted to someone who treats her the same way.
I don't know if I made sense. but my advice is let her know how you feel about that guy [even by maybe saying "coming from a friend." (let her know you're there for her) and DONT take it personally.

If he is a real alcoholic, he has a way of lying to himself and to others - and much practice at it. Part of it could just be that he tells her what she wants to hear. People who drink can have tempers on occasion. Maybe she likes a guy who has to be boss and make her feel powerless. Or she may see him as not in a position to criticize how she lives her life and that could be her comfort zone. She may also be a person who feels compelled to help someone and so they are what is called co-dependent. He needs someone to lean on and she needs someone to be there to support. I have no way of knowing that's the case for certain. I'm just throwing out possibilities - and there are so many. So more and more I want to tell people to ask her or ask him why. What have you to lose? But the key to that is that the person must know why and not be lying to themselves.

wow.
I clearly have never been in this situation before,
but I think the girl is under a lot of stress, and she doesn't really know what she is doing.

Or maybe she rejected you (in a way, like saying mean things) because she didn't want to hurt you, and when she called back she really felt bad for doing so.

And make sure this doesn't apply to you.

The "Nice Guy"---and Why He's Not Nice
By Dropit

"Nice," as used in the community, is way different than "nice" as used by women.

When the community uses the term, it is a pejorative. But since to most people it's enjoys a positive connotation, I thought a little more definition would be helpful

The "nice" guy likes a girl. He starts by befriending the girl and denying any romantic interest (he figures: I'll prove I like her as a person, not just a romantic interest), secretly taking note of what she likes, and then giving the "perfect" gift along with a confession of his love.

Poor girl! She thought she had a friend, but now she finds out he was just acting the whole time. Alternatively, she is uncomfortably surprised from this lightning bolt out of a seemingly clear blue sky, and is worried about how to save the friendship without hooking up with the guy, perhaps adding to the rejection the caveat, "You're such a nice guy."

Eventually, she lets him down as easy as she knows how (remember, this is a good, kind girl here), and this guy wonders what he did wrong. He certainly didn't do anything mean; his ears perked up when he heard her complain about guys, and steadfastly worked to avoid doing those things. He figures he's being nice.

The problem is that these guys have a sort of male version of going for commitment too fast. A relationship is a 50-50 venture, but he's gone 90-10, and he's basically trying to pressure her into liking him, claiming (or at least implying) that she "owes" him for all he's done for her. He is trying to force her into liking him, she senses the trap, and she splits.

Then she meets another guy. She regards him as moderately attractive (maybe even LESS attractive than the nice guy), and she figures he'd be worth a date. So they go out, and it's clear that they're on the same page---he had an open Friday night, so, hey, he called her up. Turns out he has a rough edge or two, but nobody has to be perfect. He calls her up for a second date, and again, it's clear to both that this is just a date. She hasn't put that much effort into it, but neither has he. At least he isn't trying to lasso her with guilt.

So when our self-proclaimed "nice" guy meets this new guy and sees that he's not working as hard as the "nice" guy did, yet she's dating HIM, he thinks: "What? I worked so hard for her! I did everything I could! I even watched her favorite show so I could find something to talk about! What's wrong? Why is she dating that jerk?"

The so-called "jerk" isn't really a jerk; he simply isn't as fawning as the "nice" guy. But the labels have been assigned in his head, and so comes the saying, "Nice guys finish last."

Give this a read:

Cute Girl says:

I like nice guys; that's not the problem. I just met you and you are telling me how much you want to date me and asking for my phone number and I am probably not ready. You just come on too strong and too fast. You come across as desperate by telling me how special and beautiful I am, you tell me you LOVE ME SOOO MUCH, that you will always treat me right, how I'm the one you have always been looking for, how good you will treat me, and all that rubbish.

I'd rather a guy try to get into my pants. If only you would just give me a little time and space, but NOOO you have to LOVE me. So I choose the good looking bad boys. You can slap their face and they just smile. At least with the bad boys, if and when I decide I'm not interested, they don't give a hoot. I'm not going to hurt them.

Like most girls, I’m a compassionate person; I don’t wish to wish to hurt anyone. But if I decide I don’t want to date you anymore, you are going to be SOOO hurt. I can see it in your face, your expression, and body language. You try to get me back, you mope and complain, you point out all the things you have given me, and tell me how badly I’m treating you, or maybe even talk about suicide.

I don't want to deal with any of that crap, let alone most of it. If you give me the slightest indication you are going to be that way, that's it; I'm not having anything to do with. If you act like that, I don’t think you are a nice guys at all, I think you are a selfish clingy bastard posing as nice guys just to get me, the girl. You don’t care about me; if you did, you would be happy for me when I wanted to go because that would be what I wanted. But, no you are selfish and want me to stay and love you even though that is not what I want.

When you want to go bowling with one of your guy friends and he tells you he has a date and can’t go, you would like for him to go but you don’t get miffed or get your feelings hurt. It's hard for me to tell you what you don't want to hear when I know you are so enthused and you will be SOOO disappointed. If you would give me the same considerations you give your guy friends and not be offended and get your feeling hurt, I might go out with you.