Alright, here's the story. This guy I dated for 11 months and some odd number of days/weeks. He broke up with me December 30 2007. He's dated a few other people and has flirted with many other girls. When we broke up we promised to stay friends, well he didn't talk to me until I finally got fed up and sent him an email. That was in may. Now we have casual conversation, but he isn't really my friend.
Well, his little sister has been my friend for over a year. Recently she was injured and I went to visit her at her house. When I got there their parents sent me back to my ex's room where she was on the computer. I sat and visited with her for a while. I couldn't help noticing that the picture I had drawn my ex for Christmas was taped on his wall. The valentine's card he made me(school project) was also taped on his wall amongst the many posters.
I found his sketchbook I gave him and flipped through it. There was a self-portrait of him ripping (what looked like ropes) that were binding him, above the sketch was written "these memories I can't forget, I don't want to forget. But I must keep marching." (something along those lines.) Also I was friends with his most recent girlfriend, and she informed me that in the process of the break-up that he just hasn't been the same since he dated me.
This all alarmed me for some reason, He's the first guy I can honestly say I loved. I still do.
He said we broke up because: 1: My mom 2: He thought that my parents weren't going to let me date till I was 18 3: I was depressed most of the time and he wasn't good at handling that kind of stuff. (he admits he was a shitty boyfriend) 4: It seemed every time he tried to compliment me it would get twisted and blow up in his face 5: We were pretty much but physical partners for awhile and talking became really tough 6: I thought he looked awkward and "depressed" (his words: I have no clue why most of the time, and when I did know I was unsure of the reason of it still
Those 6 reasons are why he said he broke up with me. Yes I asked. I still love him, he's single. My parent's hate him, my friends hate him because of how he treated me. . . But am I getting mixed signals from him? Could he still have feelings for me.
p.s. I was his first kiss, first "long term" girlfriend, and yes, he told me he loved me.
So am I getting mixed signals? or am I just looking to far into this?. I know its long but its needed.
Update: What started this major paranoia.one of his "friends" started talking to me, really sweet guy, he told my mother as he got his hair cut that this guy drank (true) and he knows how my mom is. Me & his friend thought he did it on purpose to end things.
2 months ago
You are over analyzing this. I'm sorry to say that, but I strongly believe that to be the case.
Let me lay it out for you. A lot of what you have described so well above, is the typical nature of these type of relationships. You were his "first" in many areas, and holding that position will grant you a place in his heart for probably his whole life. However, just because being the first at this and that for him is significant, it does not imply a bond still exists between the two of you. There is a lot about your former relationship with him that he is going to hold on to. Drawings, gifts, memories - you name it. But when it came right down to it, the relationship, in practice, just wasn't a feasible long term deal for him. For a number of reasons he wasn't feeling the spark, wasn't fully engaged in the relationship and made a decision to end things when they would be best for both of you. Now, he holds onto the good memories that you gave him, but makes an effort to move on with his life. It is time now for you to do the same.
I've been trying too, its just that there isn't many options out there. Thank you for the advice though. Your more than likely right. Its just I've been in relationships before, and that one I really felt safe, protected, loved, and he encouraged me to break some habits I'd been trying to for nearly a year. The other guy's I've been with never made me feel that way. - 2 months ago
Answerer
Then remember him as a wonderful boyfriend, because he was. Don't think of him as something that you had and lost, but as a person from whom you gained so much, and a part of him will always be with you in a positive way. Then I think you will always be fine. - 2 months ago
He probably misses you, and wish he could have you but not enough to cope with those factors above. Everyone makes mistakes, he probably thinks letting you go was one big one and probably realized that after dating numerous girls and thinking God I miss her and our old times.
I can say he misses you with like 100%, because if he disliked you or couldn't be bothered with you he wouldn't keep that stuff. With my first ex I got rid of everything, but my second one I didn't and honestly I still have his gifts in my draw. Why? Because I miss him, that time with him was complex even depressing because of family stuff. But when I lost him I actually realized that this is depression. He probably thinks along those terms as well. But warning, just because he misses you doesn't mean he may be still interested in you. Just thought I'll add that.
I know, I'm begining to think I'm not going to let him know about it, at least not till school time again. It was depressing for me because toward the end it was almost a chore he dreaded to talk to me... for the last month his friends refused to hang out with him unless he walked over and asked me if I was okay. All I wanted was a smile or a hug... I would of been perky and happy after that. I was lucky to get a hello or a goodbye out of him the entire school day. - 2 months ago
Oh my goodness. Wow this is like me and my ex-boyfriend except his parents hated me, he told me he loved me. He was my first boyfriend; we were extremely physical; we'd make out all the time. Except me dumped me because his parents wouldn't let us see each other and he didn't feel the same.
So, what is the big dilemma? Have you talked to him what’s going on? He still has feelings in there for you. Now for the answers to why he broke up:
1: Your mom: Parents are dangerous, but if the love was truly there he would’ve strapped up and gotten the balls to continue with you. I’m not going to remark on the whole parent thing because that really shouldn’t be the matter in your relationship with him. He felt a little intimidated but he needs to grow up.
2: “No dating until 18”: Mine was 16, he thought that too but why does it matter. If he loved you he would’ve done anything to be with you in spite of of rules and regulations.
3: Your depression: That’s probably the 2nd thing that threw your relationship off guard. I had that too, but if you were depressed when you were around him you didn’t “love” him. If you don’t love yourself you can’t love anyone. You need or needed to do a little “you” work. He almost certainly felt shamefaced by how he treated you. Seeing other relationships easier than yours was probably difficult for him to undergo also. Everybody wants it to be similar to how it is in the movies. You sought after him to comfort you through the whole thing; he probably wanted to have that romantic and perfect kiss for you and perhaps the all around perfect way to hold you as well.
4: Compliments: I don’t really know how this falls into place.
5: Physical relationship: Think about it this way. If you would’ve given him a smile that he couldn’t overlook; words that would have him thinking over for days, a laugh that would give him the chills, and a breathless gaze that would never leave his mind instead of the kissing and whatever you two were doing how much more would the relationship be? How much stronger? How much harder to let go?
You see I’m a really active, outgoing girl, and so is my ex as a guy. But when our tongues are wrapped around each other (thinking back that made me go crazy and I was doing that because I felt like I couldn’t stay away from him in that way) we couldn’t engage in recreation as to how we came into view in real life. We would talk for hours on the phone, and if it was that engaging and that he would tell me that he would be thinking about me just from that I wonder what would happen if I would’ve traded the kissing for actionless memories. Bringing the physical side downhill more would be a definite plus. My ex “fell hard” for me over the phone one night. That’s whom he knew. If I see him once more (over 4 months and I haven’t seen him) and I’m the same girl he identifies, there’s a real strong chance that he’ll do the same thing.
I'm fully aware I need to work on myself, and I have been. My mom informed his parents that we had been making out. The rule is 16 for me here to, but if I would of continued to date him they wouldn't let me out of the house with him or have him over until I was 18. Me and this guy had great conversations... but he went off to camp one summer, and came back different. He slowly started pulling away from me, and after a few months of me giving him "one more chance" he broke it off with me. - 2 months ago
i think you all have some issues its clear that y'all still have feeling for each other,but y'all need to work some things out such as the 1-6. also try to start from scratch, try to be friends before y'all jump into the relationship, so you can get a clear understanding of the situation
Yes, we have plenty of issues. Lol. I've been struggling with this for a while, and I guess I'm just afraid to be rejected. We were friends before the relationship started... he helped me through so much. Any suggestions on how to approach him about it? or should I just act like I didn't notice and move on? - 2 months ago
Answerer
Its going too be hard just to move on, and to ignore the feelings.i don't think you should beat around the bush. I mean you should be honest with him to let him know how serious you are and that your not playing games - 2 months ago
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Describe your ideal first date; Where do you go? What do you wear? How does the date end?
I usually ask the girl where she wants to go and try to create something based on that. Typical stuff, dinner, maybe a movie, bowling. Ideally I would give her a short kiss goodnight if things went well but that's the most. I wouldn't push for too much more.
Afterwards..what will your date know about you?
I would tell her about my job and a little bit about my family to give her an idea of my background. I would hope she would think I am a genuine and caring person.
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