I broke up with him about a month ago. I was so furious for the past weeks, but it just hit me a couple days ago that I miss him more than I'm mad at him. I think I want him back, and work things out with him. But I don't know if it's the right thing to do. I don't know if I'm being desperate. I don't know why I'm too hung up on this guy. It's too pathetic that I see his name everywhere. I think about him every single day. There are nights I can't sleep well because he's in my head. I've been thinking of the good times we had together and I miss it so much.
But this was the question I posted here about 21 days ago:
"How the heck do you get over breakups?" I officially got stood up. We were at our meeting place and I waited, and texted him and called him, but he never picked up. I ended up calling my girls and having a night out with them instead.
He TEXTS me the next day, apologizing for the night before. He says his excuse is so retarded too. He hopes I'm not too mad, and that I should call or text HIM so he can fill me in.
I SHOULD CALL HIM SO HE CAN FILL ME IN?! Honestly?
I never called or texted. He never did either. The next day I still didn't call. I didn't hear from him as well. Sunday night, I got fed up, I texted him and said:
"I don't like what you're doing. If texting makes it easy for you to apologize and imply expect me to forgive you easily, then it's fair for me to say that it's not working between us. You want ME to call YOU so you can "fill me in"?! Wtf?! There's no effort from you at all. I think making us official was a stupid mistake. WOW ur right, it's so easy to get away with things through text and you don't even have to text back. So there you go."
He still never called.
Now I'm thinking whether I should have just called him and made him realize how furious I was with the situation. I didn't want him to assume it's over, because I want to work things out. But a part of me says I don't deserve this someone who doesn't give enough effort to spend time with me and communicate. I feel so stupid and used. I let my guards down and considered him, while he played me like a puppet.
How do you get over breakups? He was my first serious one. Well sort of serious - he's the one I constantly hung out with and thought of becoming a not-too-long-term boyfriend.
Well I think you should at least tell him how you feel and let him know that it upset you when he blew you off and tried to explain it all through texts. Let him know that you are willing to give it another shot if he at least shows some effort. Relationships are a two way street and if you are the only one trying then it will never work. Just keep him at arms length for now. But if you really like him and want to work it out then go for it.
I think I've let that chance go a long time. maybe I'm ready to get back with him now but it doesn't change the fact that he's not into me anymore... it sucks. and it hurts. but it's the truth right? I wouldn't want to waste my time in a one way relationship... thanks for the advice! - 2 months ago
Hi Girl, Well here is the thing. You are only going to be get him back if you stop calling him, texting him and initiating contact with him.
To chase him . you have to let him chase you.
I know if feels like you are being in control when text him, because you are hoping to get a reaction from him. But here is the thing. It just doesn't work. I don't know why it doesn't. It just doesn't.
You have to give the guy some space. Just think of it like this. If he was meant for you and if you guys had something GREAT then wouldn't he find a way to get back to you?
Relationships are two way streets. They don't work if one cares about the other and it isn't reciprocated. That's the beauty of it. Because at the end of the day everyone has freedom of choice.
So stand down and be prepared for him not to want to get back with you. Once you accept that it makes the breakup process a hell of a lot easier.
Also read my article I have on hear in relation to breakups. I think its called " Breaking up and getting over it" or something like that. It might help you out a bit.
Also there is one more thing that you have to ask yourself
IMPORTANT QUESTION: Do I really want him back, or am I just lonely? If I knew that I was capable of having an extraordinary loving and fulfilling relationship with someone, would I still want to be with him?
During breakups we have weak moments. We doubt our decision. We are angry at them, then the next moment we miss them like crazy.
You know what? That's ok. Allow yourself to feel the way that you feel. Just make sure that you see the distinction between a weak moment and wanting your boyfriend back.
I think I've established the idea that he doesn't really like to get back with me anymore. it's been a month and I've never heard a single thing from him. he's moved on. so should i. you're right. I think I may have just been feeling lonely. and in the end, if I'd have chosen to get back with him, it would've been more harsh to break up and get over him when he (without a doubt) hurts me again... thanks for the advice! - 2 months ago
Of course you are. I've been in this situation before. There are two ways to deal with it. 1. Walk away with your dignity in tact. 2. Keep trying to "talk" to him and change him, only to get hurt over and over again.
I've chosen both ways before and let me tell you, the first choice has yielded much better results. You broke up with him so of course you want to get back together. But if he doesn't have the decency to even call you or explain his actions and after he's promised to do it, he's not worth it. Even an acquaintance or friend would probably do as much.
You're worth more and I'm glad you can at least see that. The sooner you accept it and stick by it, the sooner you can move on and meet someone better.
My friends and my sister have all been telling me to do number 1: walk away and keep my dignity in tact. it's true. it's been 1 month and I'm still hung up on him. how pathetic is that? thank got I haven't crawled back into his arms and in the end get used and fooled again. I would have felt sorry for myself. thanks for the advice! - 2 months ago
Well, I agree with you. He should have called you to explain it to you. Not only that but even after you were upset he didn't call. Texting is impersonal. If he was really concerned and liked you he would call you and talk to you. Even if it is a "stupid excuse" he should still have the decency to talk to you about it instead of having you call him. The way I see it he had at least two chances to call you and explain what happened. Because this is your first "serious" boyfriend you will have an attachment to him. However, if it was such a stupid excuse than what will he do when other stupid things come up?
Getting over break ups:
1) Exercise of some sort (Yoga, classes, swimming): This helps to release endorphins that really help you feel great. Natural prozac.
2) Hang out with friends and relish the fact that you can come and go whenever as you are single.
3) Pamper yourself.
4) Pick up a new hobby to keep your mind busy
Good luck. If he's really into you he will make an effort to mend what he broke. But since he's not for the time being use the frustration as motivation.
Thanks. I'm trying to do some extra running so I'm busy doing something else instead of thinking about him. I've also been going out with my sexy friends and just party. it's been a month. I think we've all established that he's not that into me anymore... or at all. - 2 months ago
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