So my boyfriend and I are broken up. He has been cheated on four times, and we have talked about marriage, but nothing too serious. We have been fighting a lot lately due to stress, and it has been mostly me picking fights over nothing. He said he thinks we should end it for now, but he still loves me a lot just can't handle all the bickering anymore. He said it was not me, but it was him. I know I had a big part to do with it. I have never been asked ofr space and I was just used to talking to him everyday. When I finally started giving him space it was too late. All of our friends are telling me to just sit back relax and wait. He will start to miss you and come around. I know whatever happens happens. He is under a lot of stress with finishing school and working full time as a manager in a pretty bad ghetto neighborhood. he is gone from 8am to 10 at night. I do not want to take up his time because I know he is really busy and I support that. If it is meant to be it will happen. And I should listen to everyone and wait. I am giving him his space now, and we have a wedding in August we are in together. What should I do? Am I doing the right thing by sitting there and acting like it does not bug me? They all say he will start missing me esp. since he has our dog. We get along great it was just a sudden change kinda like he is scared or scared of getting hurt.Help!
My question to you is, why were you picking nonsense fights with him when you know he's spends such a long time away from home?
I'll just put this out there. Girls, when guys come home, the last thing we want to here is a bunch of bickering or story telling the minute we come in the door. We don't want to convo right away. Think about it, we JUST got done probably driving 30 minutes to an hour home. If were not driving, it's two hours on the bus or in a carpool. We worked an eight hour or longer shift prior to that, and had the same commute time in the morning to get there.
We come in the door with our hands full of stuff. Do you think we are in the mind frame to talk about what mistakes we made in the morning before work or discuss your issues from your job? NO! Let us put that stuff away, let us use the restroom, let us get a glass of water. Let us breathe for an extended amount of minutes!
Once we have had a chance to unwind, then we can talk with you, we can listen to you empathetically, and if you so desire, give some feedback on what we would if we were in the same situation. Oh, and we can fix our mistakes from our rush out the door earlier.
I'm willing to bet that's how you started your fights, right as he came in the door. It's not the fight necessarily, it's always scenario. When the guy tells the story back to his friend, it always starts the same way. "AS SOON AS I OPENED THAT DOOR, SHE WENT ON AND ON AND ON!" Sometimes he'll mention what it was about, but not usually. It's always the scenario. Whether it's coming through the door, or using the restroom, or when using the phone.
I can appreciate we owe you something in the relationship, but let us finish our business and we can attend to your needs without interruption. You don't always have to sling your complaints out as soon as they come to mind and the guy is there. If they are important, are you really going to forget them?
If you act more supportive of him, and show him you really care, and realize he's doing something that's going to benefit the both of you, it will work out.
Well I never started arguments when he got home from work. WE were both very happy and just relaxed together after work because he wanted me there. It was usually fights because both of us were stressed, I had just come home from medical school and was trying find a job and my mom was breathing down my neck. Then we got a dog and never really went out with friends because we could not leave him at home. I never bickered when he got home from work that's not me, because I do not like that either! - A month ago
Answerer
I got going on a tangent, my fault.
So the dog was more of a child? That sucks. Some dogs are neurotic, and that can get consuming. Sounds like it's a lot of outside influences though. You're young so outside stuff like parents can get in the way. Sometimes mine still get in my way. Just stay in contact with him. Try to talk about those outside issues with him, see if you two can align a defense. If you both work at it, it will work out. - A month ago
Question Asker
Thank you so much!! Yea the dog was a lot like a child. The funny thing is our parents had no clue we broke up. Well mine did, but he never told his family for a long time and they were really upset about it. They really liked me. I mean school is killing him as well as work. He has a lot of responsibilities for his age. A lot of people think we will be fine, but right now we are not talking because I know he wants his space. I just feel very comfortable around him. - A month ago
Answerer
Just don't let him go too far. Give him through August, and start making to move to get back together. - A month ago
i think ur takin too much of the blame. its not all ur fault but its not all his either. I also agree some time apart is best for right now. like you said he's gotta lot going on right now & with you picking fights with him & ur bickering, its not helping the situation. just what, when he's ready he'll come to u. but after a certain amount of time(for example at least a month & half) of no communication, then its time to move on. good luck & I hope I helped.
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