SEX..reflecting on breakup?

This kinda reminds me of a similar scenario I went through with my EX. In the beginning of our relationship everything was simply great, then it started going down hill for both of us, especially for me. I guess what happened was that we started to get know our true selves. We were in love with the sex and each other for the first 4 or 5 months, but once we moved in together, that chemistry started to derogate. *I guess love is blind* We weren't as intimate, I started pulling away from him, he started getting mad and needy. We used to argue constantly. I have to admit, I also told him that we haven't been making love, and that he wasn't as loving as he was from the start. He really really tried to work it out, and I really cooperated with him. But even so, the chemistry was not there. It was sad for both of us, because he is truly a good man. And it l wasn't his fault, is just that the spark wasn't there any longer. Now, regarding your question. You don't have to necessarily make love to her all the time for her to feel loved. My current guy of 4 years, makes me feel loved all the time. YES, sex is very crucial in a relationship but the things that you do out of the bedroom are very very important, because it's what's going to ignite that flame of lovemaking Do you get me? Believe me, I've learned this the hard way. The little special things that a man does to his woman, those little things, can bring big results in the bedroom.

There's not a lot I can tell you. Men have a tendency to want to fix things regardless of what the conversation is about. It's in our nature to do so. It's obvious she's got this high standard of what her boyfriend should be and when you did try it wasn't enough. It sucks when you bust your ass and it's still not enough. All you can do is learn from your past mistakes and put the effort into someone that cares about you in your next relationship. No its not all your fault. Its her fault as well for holding that grudge(what a stupid excuse) against you. The more I look at who she is I think you're better off without her. You did what you could to preserve the relationship.

I agree with you that a man should not have to always intiate sex. I agree with you that her not engaging you caused neediness, or the perception of it.

I also agree that your apparent selfishness and continued fighting made you unattractive to her, and that would be why she didn't want to have sex with you.

I don't mean attractiveness as in physical appearance. I mean attractiveness as a true partner. She didn't feel like you were much of a partner when you two were fighting all the time. Who cares who started what, and what lead to what. The point is that no one, and I do mean no one is going to be attracted in anyway to a person they constantly fight with.

And, to compound this issue, she may have been sensitive to fighting. I tend to believe she was, and it may be her personality, it may be her upbringing, it may have anything that made her more sensitive to disagreements than others.

This is the part where "listening" falls into place. I don't doubt you heard every word she had to say in a fight. In fact, I bet you listened to every single word she ever had to say. I can tell your hurt and angry over the split, and that tells me you care/cared a lot.

The problem here, is that while you were busy responding to what you heard her saying, you didn't listen to what she said. Now, she may have concealed her true meanings in what she said more than most people, that would be part of her sensitivity to fighting playing into the equation.

But at some point in your relationship, she came to the conclusion that as a partner, you never really 'got' her. Does that make sense?

You heard her, and you knew the sentences coming out of her mouth, but you weren't getting the message.

Understand, this doesn't make you dumb. Many men don't grasp the finer points of how females communicate until it's too late. I myself took awhile in this regard, and while I am still pretty young, and can do something about it now, I know there are situations in my past that I really screwed badly, and wish I could fix. Luckily I didn't go through a marriage/divorce situation, but I imagine a guy who does go through that and doesn't figured out the issue until ten years later. That's a lot of wasted time.

The best way I learned how to communicate for understanding with women, was taking a volunteer position at a crisis clinic. It was a building where we manned phone lines and people called to talk about their problems. It went from the common family issues all the way to people contemplating or sitting with the means to commit suicide.

Obviously, that's a large spectrum of communication scenarios. But the principals in communication never changed no matter who I was talking to. I may have asked questions in a different priority, but the communication model stayed the same.

Also, studying what is called "The Power Dead-Even Rule" was a large eye opener to the way males and females communicate.

Hopefully that helps you.