Well, about 5 weeks ago, my boyfriend (ex now) broke up with me. He says he really loves me a lot.but he feels like we're too different (I'm VERY confrontational when I need to be and he is NOT) and we don't get along well enough. We fought a lot over stupid things.( I started them ALL).but only when we were at work (he's my boss) and I think that's the main problem. I know in my heart that I acted that way otherwise because of insecurity and jealousy and just plain stupidity. So of course trying to win him back. I've done the stupid thing and begged since the break up and I think that pushed him away. He recently said that it made him feel like we were still arguing and "didn't help".but he still says "I love you, but right now, we just don't get along enough". So.what do I do? The problem is, being that we work together I can't just give him space because he HAS to see me every day. This week I've been sick and he's offered to go get me soup.yesterday was my b-day and he gave me the day off but called me in the morning.he does things still that show he cares.but still says "I love you, but I feel like I'm doing the right thing" I truly in my heart believe he is the right person for me and I think that if we just learn how to communicate better, we'd be very happy.but how do I get him to allow me that opportunity? Please help!
Hun, your ex still like you a lot if he's willing to go out of his way for you when you're sick and stuff, the problem I think he's facing is that everything around him is causing him anxiety. He's your boss, so he's in charge of other people too, so work could be stressful. I think that's an underlining problem.
Now he sounds like a pretty good guy. That's why, you know, you liked him. But now if he has a manager trying to get more out of him and pressuring him, then he has to work harder and get his workers to work harder and if he's not confrontational (like you said) then he has to figure out how to get more out of his workers without sounding like a jerk boss. But if his workers don't respond to getting more done while he's being nice, then it becomes tricky and causes him anxiety over how he's going to get the most work done while still having the respect of his co-workers, and not being mean. Then it become a problem with how to delegate the workload.
Now I said all that because if there's a problem there, with work, and he's dating one of his workers(you), he definitely doesn't want to come across the wrong way and have an argument/debate at work; it's unprofessional, it doesn't look too good amongst your peers. And with him being your boss, if you fight over stupid things at work (like you wrote) then that just adds more pressure to how he handles his job. That's what he is trying to do is eliminate the pressure and stress around him. And maybe when you guys were just friends there was less stress and pressure on his job, and you got to pay the bills, so he doesn't know what to do - and does the unthinkable and you guys break up, lowering the expectation of things in your relationship to lessen the pressure of the stress of work, and to focus on his work.
I do agree with your comments about stress. I KNOW that being a solo practitioner (attorney) he has a LOT on his plate and he even said "I stress about work all the time, I don't want to have to come home to my wife stressing me out even more" So, you're probably right about that. But I think it's more related toward the fact that he thinks we are opposites..but I thought opposites attracted....every happy couple I know are completely different. I don't know! - 3 months ago
Answerer
Opposites attract, but they also attract as friends and other things too. Like if you got two magnets, positive and negative attract. If you turn one side of a magnet around, then those sides repel against one another. Now with people, your understanding of each other is what's holding you together. And if something comes up where you say you need to work on it in the relationship, and you keep talking about it (or doing it in a begging way like posted below) then it seems like he doesn't get - 3 months ago
Answerer
Time to look at the problem from his perspective and fix it how he thinks it needs to be fixed. And then when the subject of the matter is constantly brought up, it just pushes him away. Like if he thought you guys needed to work on some communication skills as friends then try at a relationship again, and you want to try a relationship and work through the problems while committed - then you both have two different understandings. - 3 months ago
Answerer
And that's when you start to repel against one another. And my best advice would be like at the end of the day (and you got to believe this in yourself too)I would say something like "I think we both didn't understand each other as much as we liked to, to actually benefit the most from this situation. So I would really like it if you just called me and just let me know what's going on up there, in you head leading up to the break-up. I'm not going to look at you in any way differently, - 3 months ago
Answerer
I just want to understand more about what it is that stressed you out. - 3 months ago
Question Asker
He just feels that we are too different. On different levels, personality wise, and that I don't handle things properly. He says I am bitter too much (which I am...don't know why...) and we just don't get along. I think partially it had to do with the fact that I was trying to get him to commit and like an idiot would say I was unhappy and didn't love him because I wanted him to "prove" that he did....stupid, I know! - 3 months ago
Answerer
It sounds like you have a new perspective on certain things about the relationship (and sidetrack,lol, just don't go beating yourself up over certain things, work on 'em if you feel like they need to be critiqued, you know) - have you talked to him about the things that you know you might have handled differently? - 3 months ago
Question Asker
Well, I see a lot of things that I did wrong and CAN agree with him....I did get b*tchy with him sometimes for no reason...but for example...his ex would call him and text and he asked her to stop, but she knew it bothered me, so she'd do it when I was around (Like a Fri night when she KNOWS he's with me) to piss me off and he didn't want to argue about it, so he'd ignore it and say it was someone else...but I always knew because he had the look of dread.. - 3 months ago
Question Asker
Those were things I wasn't wrong about. Yes, I have talked to him about how I realize I was wrong...but he waited until AFTER we broke up to point out the things that bothered him...when it's too late to change anything. He said "Well, I was just trying to be patient and not start arguments"...but if it was something that really bothered him, I didn't WANT him to ignore the feelings and not talk about it. - 3 months ago
Answerer
It sounds like he kind of expected you to be, like, a mind reader or something. Like you should of known at some point something was wrong with him. And I have to admit, that's a pretty hard thing to do (read people's minds,lol) and if he knew something was wrong with you, and if he was patient enough to wait it out, why didn't he talk it over when you guys cooled down? See it's like tricky, you know. he sees himself as doing the right thing for being patient(or that's how you're suppose - 3 months ago
To handle it) but you still have to finish the deal. And communicate after the fact, and then move on. Like even if you did some things differently, communication would of given some direction. That would be how opposites attract, or work together. Where one is lacking the other tries to help benefit, and vice versa. - 3 months ago
Have you both sat down and talked? Your expectations, wants, and needs? There seems to be a lot of disconnects. If both of you are mature enough to want to work this relationship out then you both need to swallow your pride and just listen to each other, find out where the problems are and how to compromise. The door swings both ways.
Well, I think that's the problem. I've explained what the problems are a million times and gave ways to fix them..but at the same time, did it in a "BEGGING" way. So, I feel like that didn't help. I thought that because I was being rational and mature about it, he would somehow see things my way. But, he says he feels like we're still "arguing". At this point, I've decided to leave him alone for a little while. IC him at work, but don't make other contact. Hopefully he'll have time to think. - 3 months ago
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: 3 months ago
Seriously what is the problem with chicks that think evrething is fairyland and refuse to wake up and smell the roses. I'm 19 dude and by just reading this I really don't think the guy is for you. If you don't get along with him well and can't communicate properly how in heavens name can you say you are meant for eachother. Seriously. And I bet when you find a guy that you really connect with and have lots in common with you just chuck him in the friends box and continue your endless painful persuit of happiness, when in truth its just you wanting what you can't have. If I've come across quite arrogantly or condescending then good because you now see a different view which you most likely will not adhere to take in but never the less for my own satisfaction I'll know that it has at one point of time entered into and probly strate out of your head. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPP
Its not always a good idea to hook up with ur boss. Clearly you have a jealousy problem so what you need to do is give him time and show him you can change, not by telling him " ohh I'm so sorry babe il change," that's stupid so instead of telling him do it make him see that you can change. and stop begging him you are making yourself look worthless. And I'm sure ur better than that plus you also dserve better its not like you have to go through hell because you care about this guy alot
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: 3 months ago
(Age:18 to 24)
When: 3 months ago
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