I tried to have a friendship with my ex in which both he and I were really close before the relationship and even more so while in it. We never fought, always laughed, hung out with our combined friends, we did a lot of fun things together. It was like having a male best friend but with intimacy as well. After the split, which was "You're more my best friend than anything, and I don't want to lose you" he at first was completely there, as a friend, then we started the whole seeing each other but not labeling it and then he was gone, just gone. He wanted to move on I guess. I want him as a friend again before it all began. So, what I want to know is, why is it so hard to stay friends after a relationship?
It is always harder for the guy to go back to being "just" friends. Men tie sex into caring about someone, plus, once we have seen how great it can be, why would we want to move in reverse? The only thing I know is, if he was really like having a best friend, but with intammacy, he could have been "the one". My guess, is he thought you could have been the one, too. Men are all about moving forward. He probably saw that you and he were in that friends holding pattern, no longer progressing towards something, well, I mean love. If he is what you say he is, why did you guys break up? It sounds like it was real. Like, really real.
hurt, rejection, the need to not be defined with the person you're no longer connected to so intimately; these are all possible reasons.
it's a shame that people can't operate on a continuum of closeness - and for some it's an extreme case of all or nothing ("if I can't have you, noone else can" or "if I can't be with you I don't want to live").
i'n guessing that being around you so much without having the relationship meant that he couldn't really start another one elsewhere, which seems understandable. to my mind boyfriend/girlfriend *should* be best friends - that's the point isn't it? it makes the break even more of a loss, but it's easy to see that your boyfriend/girlfriend isn't going to understand your having an ex as a best friend & wanting to spend just as much time with him or her :/
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