I met this guy who was not from my state last year. We met at a conference and crossed paths. He kept hanging around me, asking me a lot of questions about myself. I had 2 years earlier come to an end of my 4-year high school relationship (he went behind my back with another girl. They're now engaged and we all see it for the best) The last day of the conference, he was to head back to where he came from. I watched this guy really hard, trying to see if he was a fake or not. I thought he seemed pretty sincere with what he told me, and those I asked about him said he was 100%. We exchanged emails & kept in touch.
Four months later, he talked my dad into letting him travel 600 miles to spend Thanksgiving with us. Dad didnt' trust him but allowed him up. The guy didn't tell me about it and just showed up at the school I was working at. He stayed 5 days and by then we had agreed to a long-distance relationship. A month later the guy calls me and says he's transferring colleges to be where I live. I tried to talk him out of it, havin a bad feelin bout it, but he insisted. He moved up the first of this year and a couple that's friends of mine let him live with them until he found an apartment. The guy told me a lot of stuff about his past, things he had went through, experiences he had, etc.
I still didn't see through him. I am very outgoing, and the guy over 2 months worked me around to being very docile. He convinced me that certain things were bad in my character and that I needed to change it. He had a strange way about him that made me feel like he was always right and I was always wrong. He began isolating my time from my family and friends. He grew angry when I said I couldn't talk long due to homework, family stuff, etc. and said I was trying to exclude him. He didn't like me talking to my friends that were male (I only had 2-3).
I developed tenosynovitis in my wrist and he and my dad went with me to the Dr. for treatment. The dr. wanted to give a corticosteroid injection that could leave scar-tissue and would cause pain. He said therapy could be an option. the Boyfriend encouraged the shot, and Dad left it to me. Being a violinist, I can't afford scar tissue, so I chose therapy. When Boyfriend and I got and car to leave, he blew up at me for not doing his wishes. I cried and repeatedly apologized and told him why I didn't want it, and then he got mad again and said it was my fault he got mad because I wasn't open with him.
He planned a weekender to visit his family 1,200 miles away. the Sun b4 he took the trip, we were walking out of my church after service and I saw a friend of mine (we had been friends since 14). He meant a lot to me, so naturally I introduced him to my bf. My friend looked pained at the news, but was extremely polite. The Boyfriend was rude, wouldn't talk with him, and ushered me away to leave. He told me my friend was the biggest fake he'd ever seen, he was dangerous, and I needed to stay away from him. I stood up for my friend. (cont.)
Update: I told the Boyfriend that my friend was "The most real, the best guy I've ever known" and he'd better get it straight concerning him. He got mad at me, but when he saw I wasn't going to budge he backed down.
2 months ago
Update: That Wed he said somethings to peope I know that didn't match up. He left that weekend 2go home 4 visit. While he was gone, my pastor decided2make some phonecalls &find out truth with the guy. Boyfriend didn't no pastor wuz frndz w/college prez he wuz 4rm
2 months ago
Update: He called& found out guy had been engaged b4 (guy wuz gonna marry me), wuz abusive, and had lied bout 80% of what he told us. His ex got scared and found out he had lied 2 her. She confronted him bout it and he went 2 hit her & it scared her.Told her dad&
2 months ago
Update: he told her to end it in public so there'd be help if needed. She did that, and he went 2hit her 4real an she screamed and he ran off. He then kept contacting her w/letters txts and voicemails sorta threatenin her. Her dad bout had 2 get restrainin order
2 months ago
Update: Pastor found out an talked w/me an my parents and I decided I needed 2end it, and pastor wuz gonna try 2 get the guy help if he wanted it. Guy found out I found out and started makin threatenin calls 2me sayin I wuz gonna get it when he got back
2 months ago
Update: He demanded a confrontation and when he got back I had it with my pastor and parents. He got mad an acted like he wuz gonna hit my pastor an me, wuz screamin, very scary. When he saw we not gonna back down he got all docile and cryin an sayin he loved me
2 months ago
Update: he agreed2get help but3 days later he stormed up to me, threw the stuff down that I had given him, an wuz all scary an made a big scene and front of my friends an family. I thought that would be last I heard from him but he sent 2 doz roses 2my house<rs
2 months ago
Update: The nxt weekend I took weeknd trip w/my gal friends-they wanted me2get away4while.He called and yelled so loud they all heard it. I told him he made his own choice an2 ccept it wuz over. he started makin threats that he'd do character assanation on me
2 months ago
Update: He sent my home address to his old buds tryin to get them 2 write me bout how good he is. I have ignored all from him 4 past 5 mos. He's sent me txts and emails and called an has said he's gonna tell people a bunch of stuff on me like I'm "easy" etc.
2 months ago
Update: I have blocked his email, an am changin my cell# because of him. I am now dating that friend he wuz rude2 an I scared if he knew that he'd come back an hurt him or somethin or me2. What can you do to get someone2leave you alone like dat?
2 months ago
Update: he's and law enforcement trainin an he nos how far not to go to keep someone from bein able to file a restraining order. Done looked n2 dat. He's narcissist or schizo or something. Seriously. It's been 5 months now and I just want it to end. :-(
2 months ago
Wow, quite a story. I read Hercules' answer and your comments. I have to agree with what he said.
His distant threats by eamil and text may be an avenue to explore. They're easy to trace and Isn't there a law in the states now against this sort of thing?
You have legal rights. If he calls, and you tell him not to call you again, and he calls again, I believe you can go to the police. Try and tape record his violent outbursts. If he goes on your property, and refuses to get off, you can call the police.
You'll need proof so ALWAYS have a tape recorder with you. If he makes ANY kind of threat on your life and you have proof, take it to the police and he's hosed.
The man might be suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. He seems to latch on to people, and go insane if they try and break away. He should stop bothering you eventually. He does seem psychotic.
More than anything you HAVE to get evidence of what he's done and take it to the police. And I wouldn't tell people you're dating that guy, if your ex finds out, he may flip again.
He should eventually move on. Just get a tape recorder, save the emails he's sent if they contain threats, etc. When you've got enough, and he still harasses you, take him to court. Just go to the police and say, "I have a psychotic ex boyfriend who I believe is planning to take my life".
My boyfriend and I tried to keep things as quiet as possible for that reason, but after 2 months people eventually found out. My boyfriend had a long sit-down with me last weekend about it and said that he's more concerned over what the guy'd do to me than him, and he believes that even though he's now moved 1,200 miles away he might still try something. I've kept all the emails, just in case. I do believe he is mentally unstable. Seriously. - 2 months ago
Answerer
Just be safe. Lock your windows and doors, all that, and like I said, always have a tape recorder or video camera with you. Restraining orders come from evidence. Law suits too. - 2 months ago
Answerer
Also, what country and or state do you live in, so I have an idea of what the cops will be like, etc. - 2 months ago
Question Asker
I have friends who are cops and I also know the police chaplain for the city I live in. It's in the South of the US. In my area, they don't take kindly to men giving ladies a hard time whatsoever. I even had a guy harassing me once and was stalking me and I told my friend and her dad (who's a lieutenant in the dptmt.) came and made sure the guy didn't hurt me and told me the steps to take to get the guy to leave me alone--legally--and it worked. This is a different situation, though. :-( - 2 months ago
Answerer
Why not approach that same cop who helped you before? - 2 months ago
Question Asker
Haven't thought about that... I believe I will. Thanks!
What really stinks is I love my cell # and I'm gonna have to change it cause there's no stinkin' way to block a number. :-( - 2 months ago
Answerer
Well I hope you do get in contact with that officer. Also, how do you know you can't block the number. I thought you could with cell phones too. Maybe you can contact your provider and they can do it for you. - 2 months ago
Question Asker
I did contact my provider and they said there's no way to block a number calling a cell phone and that I'd just have to get a new number. grr. My dad and boyfriend would like me to change it anyway just in case he decides to give out my cell number as he did my home address.
Personality disorder sounds highly possible. He's lied so much he's actually convinced himself certain things are true. And his messages he sends me make no sense. I have not contacted him and 5 mos in any way. Grr... - 2 months ago
Answerer
Alright. Glad to see you've tried to work out the phone, and I'm sorry you'll have to change the number. Little inconveniences like that are annoying.
He likely has a personality disorder, yes, and he seems violent in some regards. If he didn't do anything drastic to his last girlfriend after she broke up with him, then you shouldn't worry too much about him doing anything to you.
However, the possibility exists. So be careful. Always be on the safe side from now on. I want you to be safe : ) - 2 months ago
The good thing is that you are embedded in a strong social network, and don't ever let anyone lure you out of it. These people around can ensure your safety, because a mentally unstable person will rather focus on a "victim" that stands isolated and is more vulnerable to him. I don't think the guy is strong enough to put up with a group of people.
You can still file a restraingin order if he keeps contacting you you can file for harassment and he will no long be able to contact you or come near you.
He sounds very possessive of you and protective. He wants all attention on him from you, I suggest stay far away from him as possible, if that doesn't work tell someone whos very close to you who can protect you. I can see this guy is "bad news".
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: 2 months ago
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