I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of months ago. I had a lot of worries and really had a lot on me. I was suffocating, and thought she was the problem (She had begun to act depressed and was really upset if I didn't spend time with her, which rarely happend). We had even been talking about marriage. I spent a few weeks away from her and started to realize that I should have worked harder through those problems instead of just breaking things off. We hadn't spoken but see each other at church. I realized we couldn't have this space between us and I apologized. She was upset (mad) at this, but I was trying to at least let her know I was sorry and that I didn't want any bitterness between us. I know that's asking alot, but still I had to take the first step. We talked it out over a week or so and agreed to be friends after. After another week or so, I began going over to her house and we'd talk for a bit or watch a movie. She'd always hug me for a long time and run her fingers through my hair when I'd leave. That's when I began to feel it. It started slowly, but after a few days I KNEW that I had made a mistake. I love her. It took being away that time to make me see what it was that I needed in my life.
The night before she was supposed to leave on vacation, we went shopping, I took her to dinner, and we went back to her house and watched a movie. She let me hold her close and I eventually kissed her. She said it didn't feel the same, but continued on.
The next day I stayed to see her off, and I txted or talked to her every day she was gone. While she was gone she began to talk about taking things a day at a time, being friends, and how she was overwhelmed (she has a lot of personal issues w job and family going on). I bought her flowers, fixed her car, everything when she got home. I vowed to break my back for her to make up for my mistakes. She eventually told me she didn't want either of us to make commitments and that she didn't know if we could ever love again like we did. that she was stressed about her personal issues and I was making her not want to be with me by trying so hard. She says she forgives me and cares about me, but she had made herself get over me, thinking I wouldn't come back. that she's always been in relationships and for once she was happy doing her own thing and handling things on her own. I was crushed, but I've given her space. She normally txts me every few days, normally about some random thing. She made a comment to a friend that she wished I would have came to a place the were hanging out one night. She even txtd me to tell me she wasnt avoiding me because I didn't show up". Do you think there is any hope she still wants to be with me? I've not even looked at another girl, and as far as I know ,she seems very bitter about relationships period (she made the comment to some people we know "marriage. that will never happen", and made sure I was in ear-shot). What should I do?
I understand where she is coming from about wanting to give up on love. My boyfriend just broke up with me back in June for the second time in our five year relationship. I wasn’t looking for love before we started dating and when we got back together the second time. He broke up with me the first time because he said that he fell out of love with me and he wants a girl that is perfect on paper. About a year and a half later (January, 2008) he told me that he loves me, he never stopped loving, and that he wants to marry me one day. At the time I never felt so happy to hear those words, because I was still in love with him even though I moved on. He told me that he wanted to start planning a wedding before we got in engaged, so we know what we wanted and how much it cost. In this past May, he went away for training for the job that he picked up. We talked about our wedding plans all to the day before I saw him again; we pick out our song to dance to and helped me pick a song to walk down the aisle on. In June the day I saw him, he told me that he wanted to break up with me. He said that he loves me, but has personal things to work out about himself. He wants to figure if he can handle being with me for the rest of his life even though I don’t match up to everything on his list. He said that I hit all but a few of the items and that they are the important ones. He told me that he needs to if he could love and let go of the perfect list. Even though I am still in love with him, I am starting to give up on love and I don’t see him wanting to come to me ever again. We are still friends and he has been there for me every day. I am glad that you realize that she is the one for you, and I hope that two of you find your way back to each other. There thing that all the guys out there need to remember; a female’s heart fragile and the more that the heart gets broken the weaker it becomes.
I feel so stupid for breaking it in the first place. She's given indications that she wishes I'd show up places she's going to be. She also said something to a friend along the lines of wanting me to ask her to go places, just not all the time. I'm confused on what to do because I don't want to just fill a void of a boyfriend. She'll never want me back if I'm always there. I want to be there for her, but if she dosn't want me back yet then It'll give her security without us ever being more. - 2 months ago
Answerer
It sounds to me that she does want you back in her life but just to repeat bad history if you undeerstand what I am talking about. She wants you around by giving you hints but at the same time, she doesn't want to be all over her as if she can't breath. Another thing, I told my boyfriend when he broke up with me then he is going to bust his behind like he has never done before, prove himself worthy of my heart, and convince not only to me and himself that he finally figure out what he wants. - 2 months ago
Question Asker
I'm afraid that right now, she may be wanting me to ask her to go places and do things by what she's told others... I think doing so would hurt me more than help because It'll just end up with me always there and never any need to commit to a relationship. I look at it as if I didn't even know she was wanting me to spend time with her... I'm no mind reader, and if I suddenly just start popping up, we'll be back where we started. The last time we talked about "us" I ended with "I'm here for you" - 2 months ago
N/A
(Age:Under 18)
When: 2 months ago
well when I went out with my boyfriend.he broke up with me. and I was crushed and angry. I told myself I was better off single and that I didn't want him anyway .but I secretly wanted him to want me back. so the next day he told me how he had made a mistake and wanted me back after making him wait a little while and after he apologized a lot I finally took him back but then I realized things weren't the same. I had lost feelings for him. so hey it happens . but every situation is different, now maybe what she needs is space to realize how much she misses you. but if she doesn't reciprocate feelings don't force it.because you'll only end up more hurt. relationshiops must end sometimes,it doesn't mean you guys can't be friends. NOW on the other hand, she could be testing you when she said it doesn't feel the same.because she may want to be reasured that you won't break up with her again so it could both ways. just talk about it. I also dk how long you guys dated so that needs to be taken into consideration also
maybe she's afraid of getting too close again for fear of getting hurt. I think that you've both got commitment issues, and deep down I think she wants to get back with you.
She was married once and he left her... She had given up on men. I was in a relationship with someone who didn't love me, and we were about to call it quits. Me and her became great friends and she fell in love with me because I was just trying to be there for her. I've never (and would never) cheat. She even said herself that if we were married she knows Id never leave. I wouldn't. It took all this to realize that I do love her and want to be with her. I just think she can't believe it rght now - 2 months ago
Answerer
Give it a little more time, but if she doesn't come around eventually than you should move on. you sound like a great guy who's just made mistakes, everyone makes mistakes. - 2 months ago
Question Asker
I've been giving her space and waiting for her to make a move. She's told friends she wants me to "find some middle ground. Not either always around or nothing at all"... I know that can't work because It'll just go on and on. I've just let her go and if she decides she wants to come back, wonderful. I'm moving on with my life and trying to enjoy it the best I can... She said she was happier on her own right now, so that's what she's got to have - 2 months ago
Answerer
Its great that you're finally moving on. I wish you the best - 2 months ago
Question Asker
Well, not so much moving on as I am letting her get things situated. She told a friend she "still has feelings for me" but is trying to get everything sorted out right now... - 2 months ago
Answerer
I think that no matter what there's always going to be some connection between you two, and you'll both always have feelings for each other, but you shouldn't dwell on it. - 2 months ago
You have scared her out of love and it will take serious counseeling to get to believe this feeling we call love.I am faciing somthin of the same kind and has made up ma mind never to fall for some one.I will care and do all to make you happy but not to fall for you.Love is givin some one the chance to hurt you believing they won't and what have you done.you have hurt her so I guess patience move mountains wait and see what happens next!all the best
lol honestly I'm 17 people tell me I don't know much but man this will show you if she's worth ur while tell her how you fell tomorrow or when ever tell her how much you wanna be with her and how you really feel about her 100% honest and then just back off for awhile maybe even a month or to only text her in bref chat you know only if she text you first and if she really wants to be with you she will click to and see wats she's losing so just play it cool and relax there will be someone else if she isn't the one man trust me =]
I already told her how I feel, but she acted as if hearing that was too much to deal with... Like it made things harder on her with everything else going on... I've laid back about a little less that 3 weeks now... She seemed dissapointed when I didn't show up and she thought I would. She also made a comment to a friend that I'm "never in between... I'm either all into the relationship or I'm nothing at all..." It's like she wants me to try so she knows I'm still there. Not fair to me I think! - 2 months ago
It is fair! you broke up with her and now you need to work at earning her trust back if you want her. She needs to know that you won't repeat history. She needs to know that this time you mean it. So if you really want her, then you need to show it because she has been trying very hard to move on from you. Now she has two choices, 1) to believe you mean it this time or 2) continue moving on with her life. I say if you do truly love her with all your heart then show her you do! - 2 months ago
Question Asker
See, I tried that at first and everything was ok, and the more it went on the more uncomfortable she became. She eventually told me I was trying too hard, when I was just trying to show her that I do love and care for her. I guess right now I'm puzzled because I don't want to push her. We have hung out several times. She talks to friends as if she wishes I'd show up where she's going to be hanging out. It makes me uncomfortable because she barely speaks to me around others. I'd go if I only knew - 2 months ago
After my ex broke up with me. I was the same as her. If I saw him around I wouldn't exactly go out of my way to talk to him because I figured "he doesn't want me anymore", so he should be making the effort to speak to me. She probably does want you, but doesn't want to show you that. She may feel if she does show you how she truly feels, you may take advantage of that in the future. You should take it slow and she may eventually come around. That's how I would want it with my ex. - 2 months ago
Its hard my man.but basically you have to move on for a while. You seem like a stand up guy, and she seems like a good person, but your issue is basically this: you're to young, and you need to grow up a little and experience things. Your not going to win her back by doing what your doing. She probably doesn't trust it. If you really intend to win her back, you'll have to back off a lot more. Send her a note or a gift for her birthday. From time to time call. But in the end, the best thing for you to do is move on. It sounds like her feelings have changed. I'm sorry man, I know how it is. You'll get over it eventually, and start seeing other people. who knows, maybe with a little time and space between you, things may begin again. She'll probably start seeing other people too, so get used to that idea. lay back don't get clingy or jealous, that will TURN her OFF.stay cool. Maybe ask her out after some time has passed.a romantic dinner.something like that. Maybe it'll work.
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: 2 months ago
(Age:Under 18)
When: 2 months ago
