To make a long story short, every time I ignore my ex (who said he wants to be friends) he still stays in contact with me. We've had two episode of physical touching in parts that aren't appropiate (moves made by him) but that was about 2-3 months ago now.
We haven't had sex since the break-up but he has hinted on his intentions of having sex with me in the future (as if he feels he still owns me and it can just happen that way) and his disapproval of me being sexual with anyone else.
I agreed to be friends with benifits (havent had sex yet) but then recently told him I don't think we should even be friends. At first he said ok then he messaged me again and now we're right back to where we started - friends with benifits.
I know it may be nieve to think this, but is it possible he can want more than just sex from me? I mean after I told him I don't even want to be friends with him I'm guessing most guys would just say whatever and move on. He's keeping me around for a reason (sex more obviously) but can there be a hint of something more here? We've been friends for years and even though I feel that I do "know him" I don't want my judgement to be clouded by wanted hopes.
Okay, yes, it does automatically sound like all he wants is sex. That isn't always the case though. I don't know that guy, or anything about him, but if you do and you think that's what it is, then it probably is. I was in a similar situation about a year ago, but I didn't try to keep the benefits open for the sex, as odd as it may sound. Although I wasn't about to complain. In my case, it was that I wasn't ready for the relationship to end and felt like there was more there. I figured that as long as I was still around once she sorted out her issues of what she wanted, she would realize that she wanted to be with me. It worked at first, but then it somewhat backfired on me. We're still friends now, but it's not the same. She's been with someone else for a while now, which I have no problems with as long as she's happy. However, she now spends most of her free time with him, and I still feel like I lost my best friend.
I'm going through a similar situtuation.to make a very long story short, he found me on facebook thru his cousin (who I am friends with) and we started talking right away. he would call me all the time, come and see me when he could (being a cop he worked nites, I worked days) so it wasn't a whole lot, but we did keep in contact all the time by messenger, phone, and texting.
So he started being distant the past month and I asked him what was up. He mentioned how his ex has been callign him, wanting to move back in (to the house they bought together - and he was with her for 4 years, blah blah blah).and he wasn't sure what to do, but he still wanted to talk to me and see me because he did really like me, and told me he could have played me and not have told me, but he respected me.
Anyways, I told him I would not continue having sex with him, or talk to him, or even be his friend, as we didn't start out as friends, we didn't know how to be "just friends", and I wanted more from him and was not going backwards so he can get back with his ex. He said he understood, but wanted to sit down and explain things to me, and told me to call him if I wanted to talk about this further. I didn't. He kept contacting me (more than he has in the past month) and telling me he wishes he was there with me, wanted to be with me, - you know, all the things a girl wants to hear! So I asked him the million dollar question - "so if you want to have sex with me, and spend time with me and talk to me, HOW can you think of going back with your ex?" His reply "i ask myself that all the time".
Its so confusing.and liek the more I ignore him, the more he contacts me! I don't know if its the chase or what! I mean I can see what you mean as well when you say that most guys would say whatever and move on (if its just sex they want - and you aren't giving it - they can get it from whoever and won't waste their time on you anymore). But then it comes back to the chase. I told my ex there was no way I could be just friends with him, let alone continue to have sex with him (especially if he went back to the ex - which I don't know yet if he did - I mean I want to know, but I don't at the same time). I am just avoiding him and I think that is the best and right thing to do for you too.
If your ex really wants more than just sex from you, and you are not responding to every contact he makes with you, he will not give up. He will try harder to win you back. I know its easier said than done (i'm going thru it too and it's SOOOOOOOOOO hard to not respond) but if you really want to know the answer.ignore him.
Hope it all works out for you! (and sorry for my dramaful story haha)
Actually I really liked reading this story, it has calmed me down a bit. It's ok to see that I'm not the only one . . . keep me updated on how it goes with you in the future. - 2 months ago
In this situation, I don't believe ignoring him constantly is the right thing to do. Communication is the only way to truly resolve an issue. I feel that the best course of action here is a conversation where both parties throw all their cards on the table and determine where they stand. Personally if I were in a situation like this, and I have been. I would just decide that if she's not even willing to talk to me, that she's obviously not the person I thought she was and not worth my time. - A month ago
Continued... Ignoring a situation doesn't make it go away. By you constantly pushing him away and yourself having difficulty ignoring him, you will only succeed in making your own feelings stronger. By the time you realize that maybe you should talk to him, it may be too late. I would say talk to him and clear the air. If nothing else, at least you can stop wondering and maybe get to the truth. - A month ago
Because all he does it just insinuate physical contact. There hasn't being any conversation about how to mend the relationship and how to move forward to make it better. - 2 months ago
I think that you have to say no to him about sex if he wants to be something more than ok but clearly he's being like the typical guy. I would cut him off completely. You have to think is it worth it. Give it up and have nothing after feels like crap I know. We've all been there and there will be more to come. There will be other guys out there who won't treat you like that.
I don't mean to question your judgement (assuming that you just might have been in this spot before) but what specific clue or action gives you this conclusion; that its strickly just sex? - 2 months ago
Answerer
I don't really know anything about you or your relationship with this guy but. for instance I'm talking to this guy right now and all he ever wants to do is talk about sex. From my experience he doesn't want to get to know me. he's in it for something else. I think if talking or hanging out is all about being physical then it's pretty cut and dry. maybe he does care about you but from his actions he wants to have his cake and eat it too. - 2 months ago
(Age:25 to 29)
When: A month ago
asked Yesterday
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