Ok can anyone help me... I'm really jealous of my ex-boyfriend getting back out in the dating world... I know he's not dating anyone and he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now but I have these uncontrollable urges of anger and hurt any time he talks to another girl... I need to know how to control these feelings so that I don't upset him or hurt any of his future relationships... any ideas?
If you dumped him, well, somethings wrong with you because you dumped him. You shouldn't care. Or you want him back
If he dumped you, maybe he is trying to prove he is better off without you. Or maybe he is just gonna move on. Get over it. Lose connections with him and move on.
You have to lose all contact and connection with him so you hear nothing from him or about him. I time...and I mean a long time....these feelings you have will melt away as you start living your own life and find a new happiness that you once found in him.
I have met women who have experienced this, and I give you a lot of credit for having the strength to ask questions and making the decision to do the right thing.
I used to get angry from jealousy when I was younger. I learned that it was my insecurity and lack of spirituality that kept me from focusing on moving forward and not letting others control my emotions, but controlling them myself. I learned to accept and love myself, so I learned to only develop and have feelings for people who treated me right. Love and hate can be the same thing. The opposite of love is not feeling anything.
What goes around comes around. If you try to destroy other people's relationships and upset people, you are still letting other people control your emotions and torture you inside (that negativity always comes back, either by his reactions or your emotional distress over external things).
I didn't believe in God for a long time. But when I was having a tough time in relationships I read a book that answered my questions and filled my void. A lot of people try to fill their spiritual emptiness with things like love from imperfect humans, drugs, addictions etc. You can't depend on people to fill your void for you, IMO that is something only God can do. When you learn not to put your faith in people (who are imperfect and will let you down) and put your faith in God, you will accept people for what they are and not get hurt by them because they and you are imperfect. If you read a lot of psychology and self help relationship stuff (which is what this forum is) a lot of it points to spirituality. To me these are all different roads pointing to the same place.
Very well put - curious as to what book you read? - 8 months ago
Answerer
I was very strong willed, independent and kinda self centered. I believed I could (and was meant to) do it all by myself, it was my life and it was only about my plans for my life. The book is a Christian book called "It's Not About Me" By Max Lucado. - 8 months ago
Interesting point of view; I like the part about not letting others control our emotions; I'm not sure that people will get the "God" thing unless they are spiritual or are religious; Good thoughts otherwise! - 3 months ago
It sounds as though you really still wish you were with him. You could talk to him and find out if he's interested in getting back together. Be subtle about it though - don't push yourself on him or look desperate. If he's interested, then you two can work on your relationship. If not, I would cut off the relationship totally and move on because being around him will continue to hurt you.
I am sure that you talk to other guys. You really have to be fair. Right now you are hurt, therefore you need to keep your distance from him. Loose all contact with him. Go out with some friends to keep your mind off him. Pretty soon these feelings will start to fade. Give it time, and give him space.
You need to move on... I have jealousy issues and I have learned that I am stupid at times.. I will get upset with a friend we are all with cause I think he is interested in them. when they really are just friends and I am just being stupid. so if this is someone that you want to be with in the future, you need to just walk away and give him the space to miss you and that will give you the time to try and get over it a little.
You are still holding on to him, you need to let go make a clean break. Just go out there and meet new guys and don't think about what he is doing or who he is with. Remind yourself that you broke up for a reason. You won't get over that jealousy till you get over him and I'm not saying to rush back into a relationship but sometimes another guy is just what you need even if it's just a crush to get over your ex good luck girl!
All sounds good until the end - can't say it seems fair to me to use another guy as emotional Advil. She should move on to a new relationship when she's ready, but spreading the hurt? Not so good. I've been that guy - it sucks. - 8 months ago
The best way is to effectively move on and find a new guy for yourself or fill your time with things you are passionate about, besides men. Also, accept the fact that you'll be jealous for a long time...it's natural because you had (and likely still have some) feelings for him. Once you find a new boyfriend or really start enjoying being single (lots of great things about being single!) then you shouldn't care so much what he's up to. Good luck
is it possible even if your hot and heavy and in the mood is it possible to control it especially if your mind is thinking about another girl?
View Answers
Describe your ideal first date; Where do you go? What do you wear? How does the date end?
He would call out of the blue and just tell me to be ready at a certain time not saying where or what we were gonna do. Then he would pick me up and we would drive around for like about 30 minutes and finally come to a place with an amazing view. Then he would have a wonderful meal all planned out we would stay up all night looking up at the stars and finally say goodnight at 6 in the morning.
Afterwards..what will your date know about you?
My date would know that under my shy shell is a fun and exciting romantic person just waiting to burst out. They'll know my hopes and dreams of seeing the world first hand and helping some one with a great cause. They will know that I have a wonderful personality and I'm a true hearted person and that if you just give me time I could love him with everything that I have.
(Age:25 to 29)
When: 8 months ago
