My ex and I fell in love 4 years ago while both of us were still in high school (I was in the 9th grade and he was in the 11th). 3 weeks before his senior prom I found a naked picture that one of his "friends" gave him...it broke my heart and destroyed my confidence and trust in him. Shortly after he went away to college in Atlanta (I was in DC) he began suggesting that we should separate, but I was determined to make the long-distance things work.
During this time I would always wonder about what he was doing and with whom, and after snooping my worst fears would be confirmed and I would take myself through depression for weeks at a time. 2 years had passed and it was the weekend of my prom when we had our last blow-out. He was angry that I was so jealous and insecure and told me "I don't want a girlfriend right now, all I'm going to do is keep hurting you." My whole world shattered. He was my best friend and my first love.
We remained best of friends and it really didn't seem like nothing had changed. We still went out, and we still were intimate; the only thing missing was the title. Often I would want to be his girl again because I felt like I wanted all of him, he was more to me than a lover I was in love with him. I ended up going to a school in Atlanta and I had no idea all the people I would meet. Guys left and right wanted to wine and dine me...now I could see how hard it was for him to be in a relationship with me 700 miles away and being exposed to so many new people. I was having so much fun hanging out that for the first time in four months I thought about another guy. I was moving on and that was important to me.
Then the bombshell.....he wanted me back! He caught me so off guard, I really didn't know what to say. For so long I wanted to be with him but I wasn't sure I was ready to be in a relationship again, I was enjoying the single life. Of course I still loved him but I just couldn't be with him with other guys on the side...He took the news hard. We still had our thing going on and we still were around each other enough for people to think we were 'together'. I started to realize that I wanted him. HE was the one I loved and HE is the one that was always there...no one could make me feel the way I felt when I was with him.
I have tried asking him back but he just brings up the fact that I told him I wanted to be single. I know him enough to know that he is talking to other girls and doesn't want to be with anyone. He has also said that I don't trust him...but technically he hasn't giving me any reasons that he should even be trusted. I need him to assure me that I have nothing to worry about. It's killing me because I don't want to lose him to anyone or anything like my insecurity...I really want to be with him again.
You should get over him and move on! Reading that has given me a headache. So god knows what it's doing to you. He broke up with you, then wants you back. He sounds like a controlling idiot to me. Life is 2 short darling, get out there and enjoy it. You don't need the hassle of this guy. Enjoy the single life, going out with friends, meeting new people etc etc Good Luck! =)
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