How do I break up with someone who isn't who I thought?

I agree with Artist, just be blunt and truthful. No one likes being lied to, or would like it if you were holding in your feelings of breakup. Just break it to him with honesty.

Bluntly ... This guy is doing stuff that you aren't comfortable with - which could cause potential trust issues down the road.

I would say something like *Calls B/F* "Hey, I understand your with your guy friends. I called to let you know that I'm not feeling the relationship right now; I'm not secure with how your friends drink and go pickup on girls and you're always with them."

He could start screaming, which is just a reassurance you would have been hurt, or he could say "Are you joking?" in which case your not, say "No I'm not joking" calmly

The trick to this approach is you have to be caring but confident -- In the end only you know what you want in life. I would much rather have a girl tell me it wouldn't work now than wait 3 more days to find out "how-to-break-it-to-me"

To get men to speak about their emotions you should talk to him when his wall is down. Such as cuddling, after sex, etc. I would say something innocent like "Hey, I called you last night about whateverwhatever. You didn't call back!" And take the conversation from there. If you are serious about your standards then you need to see where he stands. A lot of men are nice when they are around their women, but when it's "boys night out" they don't treat their women that well.

Find out what he wants and what he's about before getting too involved.

"...and he has taken me to Big Bear ..."

The grocery store?

a guy's friends can have a huge influence on who he is or who he becomes... I'm sure youve heard before that who you are seen with shows a lot about who you are... but I aslo agree with atomizer and others when they say you have small trust issues but everyone does.. and you both have flaws.. that's the way it is.. and the problem seems to be his friends.. but you know wat.. its sad when a guy has all the chances in the world to mature and become a better person.. if not for himself then for his girlfriend which should be reason enough BUT he's tied down by his immature friends.. and its understandable that you feel his friends don't respect you because they don't respect girls in general.. -__-.. so if his friends have that much influence over him, then I'm sorry do say you don't have the power to do much...if you don't see change soon, then you right.. its time to move on.. but please.. if you do break up wit him.. do him a favor and tell him the truth... and I don't mean the truth as YOU see it.. the truth.. flat out, no regrets kinda truth..about his friends and any other flaws you see.. because that will help him learn and become a better person... in the end, that's what you wanted right.

Is this calling/texting thing the main reason you want to break up with him?

If so, you need a reality check. Most guys don't like phones as much as girls do. And if you expect this guy to drop everything when he's with his buddies and answer your calls, you're hugely petty and/or insecure.

But if you want to break up, you sit down with him face to face. You say, "It's not working for me. Sorry, but I'm moving on."

You need to sit back and take a look at this I think. There are not many guys who'd cook for a girl. Does it matter when he's out with the guys if he doesn't talk to you? And so what if his friend pick up on girls.. does that mean he is as well? Have a little trust and faith.

you don't need to break anything to him; he ignores your calls and texts sometimes.

just tell him the two of you don't hold similar expectations about being in a relationship.
don't feel bad...it just isn't working out.

obviously picking up girls is no respect toyou. I would just dump his ass cold. This is an exception to my notion of being considerate. You can just text him, since you're busy with other girls, you can go f*** yourself. But maybe be polite about it...I wouldn't though. I have a hard time when a guy doesn't respect me, it doesn't end well for a guy who disrespect me lol. I have a bad thing about my temper. obviously this guy has no respect for you. I'm on your side.

If he were decent, then you could consider talking it face to face break up, but obviously not in this situation. Don't be worried about him, just take care of yourself.

Evaluate the situation, make sure breaking up is what you really want and they he really isn't the kind of guy you want to be with. If you decide breaking up is what you really want and you won't regret it later, and that you really are unhappy with him then just tell him he wasn't the guy you thought and you don't want to continue dating.

Let him have his time with his friends. Don't be the needy girlfriend. You don't want him bugging you when you're hanging out with your girl friends. He'll ultimately respect you more if you're not constantly trying to reach him while he's hanging out. If you give him that time he'll be less likely to think that you don't trust him. If you suspect that he is picking up girls as well then confront him and see if there's really a problem. He could be a great guy for you and your fears could be totally unfounded.