Christmas 2006, I broke up with my girlfriend of two years. Since we've gotten back together and split up again. But the last breakup occurred because I found out she cheated on me. Three times. Here's the story behind it all:
As January progressed I tried to tell her how much of a mistake I had made, and that I really wanted to continue things. I told her that I had "grown" in that short period and that I would change. First off by going to therapy to deal with some verbal abuse (talking down, manipulation) issues that I had, and to also understand how she was feeling in this situation. April came, she went to Paris for two weeks, and I watched the house (we are really good friends, and we have close relationships with each others families.) She came back and said that she really missed me and we got back together.
Things were perfect. Vacation in Cape Cod, and then... We come home and she says she needs some space... Now mind you, we still have our arguments. Most of them about my behavior, which refers to me not doing something. And I argue with her about the same thing. But towards the end of vacation and when we got home, her arguments became really irrational.
Back in March, I found out that guy she was hanging out with during finals in December of 2006, was spending time with her... She had went over his house one night... Now given that we weren't in a relationship, I still thought that was not cool and upset me very much. It is now July and I find out she's been hanging out with him again.
After a little investigation I found a suspicious text message in which I told her I knew about, and suspected she was cheating. I stood there, like a man and said, "I know you have been cheating... I need you to stop. Before you can admit it, I forgive you. I want things to work, and they are. Lets not destroy what we've built. It's a beautiful relationship, that has both its ups and downs. Stop what you are doing..."
Two weeks later another message turns up. I ask her one night after her being shy with me in bed.
She had sex with the guy three times in the past week. It was the second and third time that occurred after I told her I knew.
It has now been 5 months, and her and I have been hanging out... since then. I can't get rid of the sick to my stomach feeling. But I still love her...
HELP!
Update: (After seeing a couple of responses): What makes this decision difficult, is the fact, I feel I've done something wrong... But in my mind I don't think that justifies her cheating on me. Three times.
7 months ago
Update: A lot of you are saying she's a slut or hoe... I dunno if this applies. But she has a knack of always having a guy friend always around... Not saying stuff happens, but still. I dunno why. But I told her about it as something she should think about.
7 months ago
Update: After she admitted everything. I told her to get out... The only thing she wanted was to make things work again... I made her call that guy and explain how much she messed things up with me and her family. (She was lying to them about me...)
7 months ago
Update: At first she seemed interested in working things out. Now she keeps her space sometimes. As stated somewhere else; its the fact she doesn't keep constant communication that makes me wonder.
7 months ago
1. She (( IS )) a slut, and don't bother defending her.
2. She is a horrible person
3. Now I will answer the question. You need to leave her. She is a bad bad person, she will use you until you are back into therapy! You try sooooo hard to make the relationship work.. that is very apparent but she does nothing. She goes on fancy trips, and bangs guys will you guys are together. Plus I am guaranteeing you she will do it again. NO, and I mean NO girl, slut or not that has a boyfriend and he tells her he is giving her another chance would EVER go and cheat on him within the same week 3 times unless she is a PROSTITUTE! SHE has issues.. NOT you!
You are trying the best you can.. what is she doing? Sleeping around. Yes that is exactly it. Tell her she's a slut and walk out. Her reaction will prove how much of a bad person she really is.
Im not going to lie to you.. I have did really slutty things and I'm only 16. But I would NEVERRRRRRR cheat on a guy that likes me that much!!!
Dump her sad ass, and hope for the worst. She will never succeed and that would be a good thing!
Sweetie, friends or no friends..She sleeps around. Can't make a hoe a housewife. She is what she is. quit trying and move on. I know you are hurting in the worst way, but you can find a girl who does not need to treat you this way, and sleep with her guy friends that did not know about you. You need to pick yourself up, get back out there and be happy. YOu can do it.
You did nothing wrong. She did. She is acting like you are nothing and you don't deserve that. Why try to hold onto something that is not worth holding on to? You can find someone who doesn't feel the need to hoe around all the time. Take control of the situation and ignore her. I know, it's hard, doing it now but remember once a cheater always a cheater.. Dude, she has really proven that.
The story reminds me of my story.. well I Dumb him.. I don't regret it.. It hurt for a lil bit but then you move on and find someone who truly loves you... I think you need to find yourself a girl that will love you and respect you.. Cheater is always a cheater..
You need to move on and let her go. What she doing is hurting you. If you love her and want to be with her, then you need to realize that you are putting yourself to suffer these shitty feelings. Relationships is now all about love...there is so much more. NO matter how much you work at it and she is not on the same level then its not going to work.
Seriously, ask yourself do you really want to be with a girl who has already cheated on you so many times. I know it takes a lot to let go of someone you love..but ask yourself are you loving her for the right reasons? You might feel like you can't love someone else but Trust me...you can and will.
this is just a situation that needs to end. and your a damned fool if you continue to have any association with this woman for any reason whatsoever. I really don't feel sorry for you. your both wrong and its never going to get any better.
"A lot of you are saying she's a slut or hoe... I dunno if this applies"
I'm sorry, I just find it funny how you're still defending her actions. Your words: "She had sex with the guy three times in the past week. It was the second and third time that occurred after I told her I knew."
Not only did she have the nerve to do it after she already admitted cheating previously, it sounds like she's not even remorseful at all. You would have to be a nutcase to stay with somebody like that. She always has a guy friend around? That means she's a slut of the worst kind, not your average run of the mill slut, a class A whore. Do yourself a favor and cut off all communication with her.
Sorry if I come across as harsh, but it sounds like you're not grasping the gravity of the situation. The only thing you did wrong was stay with this person for so long.
Just all so confusing, when you look at it from my point of view... You wonder what goes on through a persons head. Mind you, I was the one accused of being a bad person, and a cheat. I guess it is textbook, I'm going to make you feel guilty first. - 7 months ago
Answerer
Exactly. I've been there, believe me. - 7 months ago
She cheated with her friend more _after_ you found out than she did when you weren't even together. This is her way of telling you that she has absolutely no true feelings for you. She's doing it to hurt your feelings and because she lacks self-control.
Stay with her and you'll deal with this kind of infidelity and manipulation for the rest of the relationship.
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What is your favorite outfit for a night out with friends?
Hanging out with friends I would wear cami or baby doll tank, light washed destroyed jeans, leather flip flops,(all A&F, HCO or Aero) and a Tiffany's neckless or cucko shell neckless.I would also wear one of my favorite perfumes. Guess by Marciano, Chanel Coco, D&G light blue or Abercromie 8. :)
How do you style your hair and do your make-up?
I would probably wear it in a relaxed pony tail or long beachy waves with a hawaiian flower pin behind me ear. (I like the comfy beach look). As for makeup I would just wear a light bronzer (nothing that wld clog pores) or a natural looking blush and a light pink lip gloss. (VS Beauty Rush has my favorite flavors!) All in all I like looking casual, pretty, and classy. :D
(Age:18 to 24)
When: 7 months ago
