First I think you should know he is 24 and I am 29yrs old. Two weeks ago everything was great with my boyfriend and I, we were about to buy a house and he was even going to propose! I was on top of the world...but ever since he started his new job with new hours (where I barely saw him anymore) he became more distant.
The more distant he became the more I reached out for him..he told me that he was suffocating and needed some space. Well I must not have known the severity of it because on Thursday I left work early to confront him about some girls from work texting him in the middle of the night and he said he was working on a surprise for me and to have faith( because he works evenings so he's up late now).
He said I am always prying and don't trust him. Well this fighting led to him breaking up with me and he moved out that night..the next day he called me in the morning and said he still loved me but things were going so fast with us he just felt suffocated and needs time, and he asked me out on a date on Sunday. Well Saturday night he told me that he isn't ready yet and canceled our date. When I asked him that I thought we were going to try dating he said 'he just isn't ready yet and if I want us to work I need to relax and just give him some time and space'.
All of his friends are just as shocked as me and say he still loves me but I don't know what to do. I do have insecurity issues which lead to jealousy and all of his friends( who are my friends too) say he is a real stand up guy and isn't the sleeping around/cheating kind of guy. I don't know what to do, if I give him space will he just forget about me or will he come back to me? Things were sooo great up until a week ago so I don't know what to do..he keeps going out with his friends every night and still talks to those girls from work but as much as he hates work dramas, I don't know if he would risk it by dating a co worker...help me please, I love him so much and just want my life back.
I can't think of anything else. Is he trying to get over me or does he just need to figure out his life?? He is the one that initiated everything that moved quickly :(
Update: He told a mutual friend that if there were someone else he wouldn't be so miserable but he's been going out every night because he wants to be around people. If he needed space to think then why is he going out? Is he trying to get over me?
7 months ago
Update: I realize I was a codependent and I'm afraid this may have cost me my relationship.He is still going out every night but hasn't moved all his stuff out, picked up his paychecks, separated the phones, or given me my keys, does this mean there is hope?
7 months ago
Update: I still haven't spoken to him in a week and I would think if he missed me he would have wanted to contact me by now.I don't knw how to move on,2 go from planning our future together( which was all him) to not talking to him, I miss my best friend
7 months ago
Update: He called me back yesterday morning & ended things. Still has my keys tho & stuff @ my house. He seems like a totally different person now,I found out he's been partying with a lot of girls every night and sending pics of them out, I wonder if he loves me @ all still
7 months ago
If he says he needs space you need to give it to him. I think the last thing you would want is for him to come back prematurely because you didn't give him his space and one or both of you ended up being miserable. If he decides he still wants to be with you, he'll make that choice and let you know when the time is right.
It's pretty clear that he wants to be away from you for a while. It sounds like you're trying to control his life, even though you may not see it that way. Becoming jealous, constantly checking up on him, depending on him more and more. You were burdening him with guilt about the relationship and adding to the pressure that he was already experiencing from working at a new job.
basically, he was dealing with too many big decisions at once, and he determined that cutting you out of the equation for a while would relieve the most pressure. Therefore, he needs space from away from you to sort out his feelings. If he's not the kind of guy to sleep around, why are you still worrying about whether he'll forget you? It's only been two weeks.
I'm worried that he is trying to forget me because he is a very stubborn, strong man and the more time away from me the more he can forget about me and fall out of love. He is he type that would rather cut ties then deal with it. I don't want him to forget me - 7 months ago
Answerer
If he's the type to drop you rather than work things out, you might want to reconsider marriage. How well do you know him, and how long have you been dating? - 7 months ago
I agree with acuzio, you're trying to control him and he's recoiling. Guys typically don't like talking about marriage and and all that unless they are the one's to bring it up. - 7 months ago
Question Asker
I just wanted to state that I never brought up marriage, he brought it up around mutual friends. I am fine with still dating, we don't even have to live together. I just want to know there is hope but the more time that goes by, the less hope I have - 7 months ago
Tough situation all around, because of course, nobody knows what he is doing with the girls at work; also, it doesn't help that you have trust issues. If you're prying around too much, maybe he realized he doesn't want to be with somebody that does that and he could be re - evaluating his relationship. All you can do now, is give him the time and space, and see what happens, because honestly, is no fun to be with a 'prying' person.
He told a mutual friend that if there were someone else he wouldn't be so miserable but he's been going out every night because he wants to be around people. If he needed space to think then why is he going out? Is he trying to get over me? - 7 months ago
Answerer
Not necessarily...going out and maybe talking to his friends could be re-evaluating too....I would just think he could be thinking that maybe life could be better not being in a relationship at his age... - 7 months ago
Question Asker
Prior to dating he told me he had a 5 yr plan, house, family,marriage,etc and all his friends say he isn't the dating around kind of guy. He has always been a committed relationship guy and even acted like a family with my daughter, I just don't get it - 7 months ago
Answerer
Well, how long were you dating for?Again, I don't see what your lack of understanding is; maybe he realized this is not the relationship he wants to be in and well, he hit the eject button. Do you really know how he felt about the relationship? - 7 months ago
Question Asker
I just don't understand how he could go from wanting to propose one week to leaving the next. If the relationship was questionable and he had doubts, why would he be planning to propose and be out picking out things for our new house? - 7 months ago
Well, I am going to agree with the Sexwiseman. You need to watch co workers I would be example A. Had the same type of thing happen. He is dating her now, and wants to be my friend. He is known on this website as the Jerk. He dates the Hoe. Anyway, this is your question: I think, he has maybe gotten a little attention from some co workers and he is really confused. Why would they need to text him at all at night? I would not contact him. If he needs space? Give it to him. Act as if you need it to and live your life and be happy. Now, I know and you know that is not true, and you are hurting. But, does he need to know this? No. So, do not contact him and when you do talk or see him? Be happy. Guys hate when they think they let go of a girl that can live without them. You will be fine. Just give it time.
I agree; give him all the space he needs. Be prepared to move on.. too much drama in this relationship. Even though it hurts now, I think you would be better off without him. You shouldn't have to coax someone to want you! - 7 months ago
The question is simple. Having gone through the first real relationship of my life, it ending in a relatively quick way. She was my first. I think...
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