Does anyone have a clue?

Oh so true! I have been hit with a dose of reality!

Preach on brother!

I think that you are so right.

I couldn't agree more. I very much have a "tough love" approach when giving advice, however it's pretty cool a site like this exists. People come to this site for a variety of reasons. Some people really may not know any better based on their upbringing, environment, etc. Or had good teachers- like Mom and Dad! Also when you're in the heat of the moment and are overflowing with emotions people don't always think clearly.

Many of the questions do seem repetitive. I would never discourage someone from asking a question no matter how petty it seems. To the people here asking questions- having an answer may make all the difference in their life.

This is a questions category. Put this type of comment on the write an article page. People deal with issues in many ways and just want to talk and get advice. I think if you don't want to read us wallowing in self pity? Don't read it. I agree with some of your statement, but a lot of people don't think like you do and need advice. Please do not make them feel bad for it.

Nice post. But as being emotional human being we can't help but feel and feelings are confusing.

What can you do? Emotions are very powerful and, if left to their own devices, can cause havoc. For everyones safety, the brain should come before the heart - think first.

Amen Dudeonfire. But be honest, have you not yourself stared down the barrel of self pity and wallowed in it at one point in time?

Everyone griefs differently but I think we all come to the same conclusion eventually. It was not worth it but it is a process we must go through to make us right.

I disagree. Love is perfect, if only you will see that. I agree it is powerful and rewarding and it is real. I agree we should use our brains and our hearts incongruently, but also all of the rest of our being which has no end. I disagree, cheaters can become faithful, abusers can become healers, people may come to love someone they didn't want to, but I agree they cannot be forced from their free will. Accept the best but also all that is good.

I fully agree: self pity keeps you small and keeps you hurt, but you deserve to come out and be free of it.
We do not deserve anything, rather take everything out of generosity.

I think we all have a bit of a clue, some just a bit more than others, and when we put all these clues together we get a bit of a picture. And that is what we are doing on this site. Getting the picture.

The fact is people just aren't honest with each other. I have begun to understand that when someone is not honest with me I tend to look inside myself for the answer. I try find out what I did wrong. Now I realize that I don't need an answer from myself I'm beginning to trust my own instincts instead of questioning them. I can give partial thanks to this site. I appreciate that people are willing to give their own opinion on my topic.

I don't agree that all cheaters will continue to cheat and that all abusers will continue to abuse. People can change if they do it for themselves and not for others. Just because YOU are not willing to change yourself does not mean other people are not willing to change. You must have such a perfect life to be able to come on here and criticize everyone who is looking for help. But then again this site has provided me with some stress relief. Maybe you are just releasing your own stress. Welcome to the club!

You have a good point but there are a few things to bring up:

1: the case of monkeys and surrogate mothers - where monkeys were taken away from their mothers and provided with a mother just for comfort, and another mom just for food. In which the monkey chose the mother for comfort the majority of the time. And when the comfort mother was taken away, the monkey cowered in the corner.

So I mean there is freedom of speech, but also compassion for others and reasonable lines of communication. Like if I don't read any animosity in the question then you won't see any in my answers.

And that goes into 2: treat others as you expect to be treated. This goes a long way. If your teacher was to make a mistake on the blackboard, would you heckel them to make them feel stupid or to lower their self esteem. I hope not, It's just inconsiderate, and demoralizing. And you would have something to say when someone did this to you, or at least I hope you would stick up for yourself.

And then there's point 3: You wouldn't let someone treat your children in this manner, at least I hope not. Children learn the most from compassion instead of tough love - look up where they had the study or spanking vs other forms of punishment put forth to wayword children and how they responded.

5: there's tough love and then there's bullying, where nobody like's a bully.

And then there's 6: placing yourself in the question asker's shoes, and other answerer's to give the bet possible advice that you can.

And 7: audience and purpose - this is the internet so we as the question askers and answeres do not know everything that is going on - on the other side of the computer. So that's why I take that into consideration when answering or asking. And I ask for more details when I feel necessary, and not just give out tough love right away.

I have, but 8: there's a time and a place for it.

9:You have to know when to hold 'em and now when to fold 'em. Just like with you tongue, a slip of the tongue (or just what you say or type) can be interpreted the wrong way and some people may act the way you do not want them to, or take your advice in the wrong sense, even though it is in the best of the person's interest to move on or whatever. So, there's nothing wrong with your approach to answers or questions, that's why this site is here, it's just your meaning, the other person reading it's interpretation; and the truth of the matter may get mixed up in the heat of the moment or whatever. And then what do you got, other than another problem.

And another thing I notice is that there is a certain level of commitment and friendship that a person gets from a good, compassionate answer. There is more of the feeling that the person answering has "Been there and done that" and their advice may seem like something that the question asker might want to continue, like updating a question for example. I do it all the time. So a wise man once said "you get more bee's with honey, than you do with vinegar.

Like most of the other people who answered this question think you are correct that a lot of these people are blind to their own emotions or they fool themselves into thinking what they want to believe.

The part where I disagree is where you question peoples overall quality of character or in your words "blind ignorance that borders on stupidity", who are you or I to judge how people deal with there emotions or hardships. People grieve in many different ways and sometimes especial women break ups are a grieving process. Also I can't help that there are guys in this world who have the audacity to treat woman the way they do. All I can do is do my best to better myself as an individual and part of that is trying to help people. Not put them down because they are young or are experiencing things that they never had before. I may not be as wise as you in your 35 years or even be as lucky as you to find a fairytale love but I like the general population of this site am just here to give advice to people who share my same experiences. Maybe you should stick to answering questions that deal with your life experiences. I think having someone on this site to give that harsh reality check answer is great. If you have to tell someone something 20 different ways as long as they get the eventual point that is all that matters. The last thing I would like to point out is look at the ages of half the people who are asking the questions. They are kids looking for answers and look for a place where they can ask questions and not be judged by there friends, Families, or anybody else. I thank the creators of this site for giving people a healthy outlet for there questions. The great thing is you don't have to answer questions that annoy you. Just don't take it out on the kids trying to find answers. Just be true to what you are and answer with an objective mind. And if it continues to bother you just don't be on the site.