I have been having a casual relationship with a guy for more than 7 months now. I quite enjoy it because we have the most amazing sex and like each other. We have really never talked about us. Well, he has asked me "what do you want from me?" and has "complained" several times that I only want him for sex. I have always somehow got away without answering his questions. However I have suggested I don´t want a relationship and I hate men who are possessive and want my freedom. My problem is that I sometimes get annoyed when he is unavailable. I want him there for me always when I want. I know this is selfish but I get frustrated if he can't meet or does not contact me for a while. Although I do the same... I am not familiar with this situation as it is the first time I am single ever after 2 very long relationships. Any tips on to how to best deal with a casual relationship to avoid frustration! :) thanks
Seems like you have a friends with benefits relationship. You should set some ground rules now if you want the relationship to stay the way it has been. Basically, TALK WITH HIM about the relationship and what you want from it and him. Honesty is the best policy, right? and it is the mature thing to do. He should agree not to change anything if he's smart. And that's what you want, right? Although, the friends with benefits relationship are great in the short term and can ruin friendships in the long run if he/she loses the perspective. (one or the other begins to have an emotional connection.) He might not like being kept on a leash like a toy. Especially after 7 months! I would suggest the best thing to do is have a serious, but not too serious, talk about the relationship. Good luck!
You are so right and here is where my problem resides. I don't quite know how to approach him. I don't want to sound as if I am demanding something from him. I am very shy to talk about feelings or worries to someone I am not sure of. I know this is inmature and I should talk to him but how? - 3 months ago
Answerer
First, take some time and think about what you really want to say before you tell him.(of course) He should understand. You never know though. Its pretty simple, just tell him you'd like to talk whenever you both can meet next time. It's obvious you like him and he likes you so this is the best thing to do. What do you mean "you're not sure of him", how? I think the convo should consist of you not being willing for a relationship at this time. - 3 months ago
Question Asker
I am not sure of whether he would withdraw if I start setting up rules. Part of the beauty of our affair is that there are no rules.I don't wan t to say anything that could jeopardize our sexual encounters. We are a perfect sexual match!! I have hardly got intimate with him tho and that is why I am unsure of his potential reaction. At first he tried to get closer to me but I did not follow. How could I tell someone who is not asking for a relationship that I am not willing for a relationship? - 3 months ago
Answerer
Good point. I was assuming when he asked, what do you want from me? he was hinting towards taking the relationship to the next level. but if he's not wanting to, then all is well. just go with the flow. you know the saying "you can't have your cake and eat it too!" You can't expect things from people. Most of the time your setting yourself up to be let down. Just BE PATIENT and when the time comes that you two get together, take your frustrations out on him then... if you know what I mean!!! - 3 months ago
Question Asker
I don't know for sure whether he wants to take it to the next level. He hasn't asked directly that he wants to but I am assuming he doesn't because he stopped making any hints a while ago after me talking about not wanting to be in a relationship. See? It is all my fault cos I have never been open to talk about us when he wanted to. You are right when you say I should go with the flow. I know I want to have it all but giving very little which is not fair. thanks again for your wise advice ;) - 3 months ago
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