I recently starting seeing a friend from my past for whom I have intimate feelings for (and vise versa ... I think).
About 3/4 months ago he broke up with a girlfriend after much "soul searching" and moved to a city near mine...and we had our first date.
Anyways, over the course of the date... I asked him to give me his usual "pitch" to lure in women. Since we have been close friends for over a decade... I usually offer to be his wing-chick in a platonic fashion. At which point he said to me that over the course of the last 3/4 months he no longer seemed interested in pursuing the pitch or that life. As a legendary playboy... and someone in their late 30's I guess I was a bit stunned by this disclosure. We ended up spending the rest of the night together... and we both disclosed significant feelings for one another and he "made love" to me (we had had feverish sex all night... and after holding me for two hours in the early morning... he asked if he could).
So, I was wondering how do men know it's time to settle down? What is the catalyst? How is this expressed? Was he trying to tell me something?
Mature question. The catalyst is when you realize there are more important things in life outside of that boost of self-esteem when you pick a girl up. He is ready to settle down when human connections seem more worthwhile than rehearsed lines and the 'next best thing'. When he is ready to settle down, you should clearly see the difference between someone who is and who isn't. He will listen more, compromise more, he is ready to share and give a piece of himself. He will act as best friends do as opposed to ignoring what you say because listening is too frightening to him. Do you follow me? It is taking the responsibility for another person while knowing who you are, as a man, as well.
Thanks for the great answer! I will definately reflect upon his actions as of late. From my vantage point he is going out of his way to tell me that he is ready to settle down.
Bought a house; establishing roots in a city; telling me he is no longer interested in "the game"; being very domestic with me (cooking; cleaning); and flat out telling me he wanted to make love...
He is definately acting out of character from his past. - A month ago
Question Asker
I guess the confusion for me lies on the fact that we have been close friends for so long. I mean I see a radical difference in who he is... and what he is looking for. I have seen him with other woman... and we dated a decade ago... and the changes are mind blowing in his actions towards me. I guess I should just realize that I am lucky... and pursue with blind faith and trust.
Men generally make the decesion when they feel that they are with someone they fear losing. A lot of men equate good sex to love, and therefore want to "always be with" the one they have the best sex with or the most sex with, if in fact there are romantic feelings and emotional ties -- not just sexual feelings. Other men see marriage as a way to combine incomes, and live a better life devoid of all the late nights and hungover mornings. Personally, I would think any man past 35ish if they have any inclination of ever wanting kids and family life would have to serious consider starting soon. 40 seems a little old to be just "starting"...
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(Age:25 to 29)
When: A month ago
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