How many dates do you think you have before you actually feel chemistry or attraction? I am a little frustrated that even with an attractive guy the first date or more I just don't feel that spark. I already know a lot about them and we even have a nice date but I still feel no initial desire for them. When I was younger I remember having at least some flirtatious feelings.
It seems like the guys who do get me going on the first date are the ones that turn out not to be interested in anything serious. Anyone been through this and actually ended up in a relationship with someone they did not feel anything for initially?
Away from your question, I get the sense that you are guarded on the first few dates. When we are guarded those that are not interested in a serious relationship appeal to us more, because they have a similar response and demeanor as us.
Being guarded tends to mute our true selves, and is a horrible way to present ourselves in the initial stage of courtship.
Simply because when we finally reach trust with a person, we revert back to our regular selves, which tends to be much different from who we are when guarded.
And that throws those people off.
If being guarded is how you are making it through dates, then you are not ready to date.
No, I am not guarded. I smile, laugh, try to have fun even when my date is doing the craziest things. So, last night I went out with a guy that I met through Eharmony. Through their process you get to know a lot about each other. But by the time the date was over I felt like I had been through an interview. He wanted to compare notes on dating, to know why my marriage had broken up, did I have tattoos, talked about how important sex was. I left feeling no interest or desire. - A month ago
Answerer
So, you felt he asked for too much personal information?
And just because someone smiles and laughs doesn't mean they are not guarded.
And your statement about your dates doing the "craziest" things is somewhat telling. True, there are dates that go bad, but if you had two or three dates that were disasters, like most people, you are more likely to classify future dates as such even if what goes on during those dates is not as extreme.
It's good to take breaks from dating sometimes. - A month ago
Question Asker
It is just harder to date in my age range. I remember what it was like to date when I was in my 20's. So, we can agree about one thing, taking breaks is good. There is no amount of openness that would have made my last date better but luckily all of my dates have not been bad, just not always a match. Thanks - A month ago
Answerer
Not all dates are suppose to be a match. That shouldn't be the lone intention in any date. Dates are about learning about new people, and learning new things about yourself in the process. If a date leads to a match, that's great.
But you shouldn't have the expection going into anything. That sets a very unachievable bar for any person you interact with, because then you have a specific person you are looking for, and that leads to you being critical about everything they do on the date. - A month ago
Question Asker
I agree. I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them. Guys in my age range can be very hard to get to know. The guy the other night was discussing all the things he wanted in a partner. He wanted her to have nice hands, nice toes, enjoy sex. He told me about different women who had not worked out. He said there was another physical quality that he had to have but he didn't want to tell me, but if I didn't have it we wouldn't go very far. He smelled my hair when we left. - A month ago
Question Asker
He wanted to make sure my grooming was up to his standards. He grilled me about my divorce, and was I really sure I did not want anymore kids (I am). He asked if I had tattoos and said he wouldn't go out with someone who did. All of this within an hour. I think first dates should be a lot more fun and lighthearted. - A month ago
Question Asker
Have you gone out with a girl that you had no attraction for but after a few dates you ended up with it? On a first date do you keep it light and fun or are you real serious? - A month ago
Answerer
It should be more fun, but I will answer serious questions as they come up. The date you describe sounds like the guy was a weirdo, and I would not judge others by his nonsense.
It doesn't make sense to make a first date serious, because there is no true commitment beyond showing up, and serious questions up front can be awkward since you have to have a certain level of trust to be able to disclose personal information. - A month ago
Question Asker
Well, that is what I am talking about. It hasn't been just this date but others as well where there is this level of seriousness from the guys that I am not expecting. I feel a first date should be fun and more lighthearted and certainly you can ask a few questions but really you should focus on developing rapport and chemistry. It may just be that when guys go online for a "relationship" it is unnatural and keeps them from taking it easy. - A month ago
Answerer
It's also fair to say that the type of guy you are dating in the recent past wants to take things more seriously.
Guys that I know of that indicate that they are looking for long-term relationships are guys that take things really seriously.
Try dating someone who is not announcing they are looking for marriage essentially. - A month ago
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(Age:Over 45)
When: A month ago
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