So I have a female friend that I've known since we were both little kids. We were separated for quite a while but now we're taking a class together, so that's pretty cool, cause we see each other 5 days a week, sometimes help each other with homework, etc. Here's the catch: I *think* she's developing a crush on me, which is the last thing I need right now, and I'm not interested in that kind of relationship with her anyway. Now obviously I'm not going to lead her on purposely, but would anyone have some suggestions on what not to do/say, etc? She's pretty cool and I really don't want to hurt her, so how can I make sure the relationship doesn't go that way, without walking up and saying "hey, lay off, I'm not into you! " Thanks in advance.
This is the painful thing about friendships. There's no way you can do this to where she isn't hurt in some way shape or form. The mere fact of you saying "no" is what's going to kill her.
All you can do is be yourself, and not take any steps forward. When you develop a crush, sometimes you will actually see more things from the person you have a crush than they actually do. For instance. He brings her some candy because she said she wanted some. He thinks he's being nice, she thinks he's being extra sweet. Thus the onset of a relational bond.
My best advice to you is, as you said, not lead her on. If anything, pull away just a bit. Don't avoid her. . . That would hurt her more, but make sure you don't do anything that you normally would to make you two feel closer. If you truly feel like she's developing a crush. . . You have to put some space there. . . Or put your hand out to show that she can't go further. Subtle pushes. . .
Please bear in mind, this might still hurt her, but if you approach this like a gentleman, later the friendship can continue as it always did.
I hear you. We probably won't see each other for several months after this class is over, so I'm hoping I can just play it cool until then. - 7 months ago
Answerer
Yeah, even after that class if she wants to get close. . . there will be elemental factors going on that will put things back to normal. She won't see you everyday. . she won't have a chance to feel that way. At least less likely anyway. God Bless. - 7 months ago
The best thing if you can, would be to get another girlfriend asap so that she might give up on you. And if she ever gives you subtle compliments, try to not not laugh about it just be like "ok" well no don't say that be nice just don't encourage any of her flirting, break it off and change the subject. and lastly try your best without totally ignoring her to not do things alone with her. Like you said you do hmwk together, if its over at ur house make it instead of there, at school r something
Well other than the obvious answer of not flirting with her. You should give her some hints like "I'm really happy that we're friends," things that refer to you guys as friends. Also talk about other girls to her and ask her what she thinks. I know that that's kinda harsh to do to her, but some girls don't always get the clue right away and need something big like that to help them realize that the guy doesn't like them other than a friend.
Right, that's easy enough, but what might she consider as flirting? When we were doing homework together I used to tease her that she did something wrong (she didn't) and that we would have to start the entire assignment over again. That or sometimes mock voice inflections she used, etc. Do you think she might take that wrong? - 7 months ago
Answerer
Nah the things you're doing sounds like something a friend would do rather than flirting with her. Just make sure you don't do it just to her. So in case she thinks you're flirting by doing those things, she can sense that maybe you're not flirting at all since you're doing it to other girls - 7 months ago
You're in a situation where someone's feelings are bound to get hurt, so you have to be as soft about it as possible. Leading her on would be the WORST way to go and in fact, I would have a heart to heart with her and see how she feels. If she is developing those sort of feelings for you, I would address the issue and let her know how much she means to you (as a friend). Your honesty will go a long way with her (or any girl). Let her know that you don't want to lose her. And definitely don't say anything like "you're too good for me" or "you don't want someone like me" (trust me dude, it'll just make her feel worse). You never know, maybe you were reading the situation wrong and she wasn't that into you at all.
I hope you're right- that I'm just reading the situation wrong I mean. I wouldn't ever think of telling her those things, its just that I want to stop it early with as little hurt on both sides as is possible. - 7 months ago
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