Guys, can he truly care that much if he didn't leave his girl immediately for me, or am I being an idiot?

I actually just got out of a similar situation.. well I hope I'm out of it. I probably never will be. But you're being an idiot. Naive, just like I was. You like him, and he likes you. But I honestly think you should try to get over it. Whether it be not talking as often or blatantly ending the friendship. It's not worth spending all your time and effort on him if he isn't willingly to spend it with you.. and ONLY you, not you and her.

Yea... Idiot. I was just in the SAME situation. ended up getting completely screwed. I believed every word she told me while her actions told me the complete opposite. I continued on telling myself it would change and someone that meant so much to me and had been there for me for so long would never lead me on like that. She did, she went back to him for good and left me in the dust. Do yourself and your friendship a favor and just say forget it. Tell him that no matter how you feel about him you can't be with him in that sense until he has completely gotten over and removed himself from his girlfriend

Dont be her and you are golden. Make it a point he needs to try something new (you) and have a better time with life in general(because of you)

Do everything you think she isn't doing (hey use your female radar and judgement). Its going to be a slow proccess but be persistant if your goals are for the better good. If she is that bad, don't be ashamed to try and get him. Its not like they are married so everything is fair.

Just remember what you are giving up though, you would be giving up friendship BUT it will be a much better relationship if everything works out. Anyway friendship is a good foundation to build on. I say go for it BUT be patient...that girl is already his girl and he may keep banging his head against the wall to make it work...even if it never does.

OK, I'll try to be totally honest, even if it's impolite:

It sounds like he doesn't "truly care" for anyone. He's dating two girls and telling both of them he truly cares about them. I've heard girls tell me that they loved me while they were sleeping with someone else and lying about it. You can easily guess how those relationships turned out.

One major problem with trying to win him away from his girlfriend is that you might succeed. He's definitely willing to cheat on his girlfriend, so the best case scenario is that you end up dating a guy who will almost certainly cheat on you. I'm not sure that counts as a success.

I wonder if there will be some girl asking this same question and referring to YOU as his girlfriend that he fights with and...

Look at how this guy treats other people and stop and ask yourself "Do I REALLY think he will show *ME* more respect?"

If your answer is YES then you need to seek some professional help for YOUR OWN personality problems.

If your answer is NO then you know what to do and when to do it.

It sounds like he is not as into you as he says. If he was, he would have no reason to go back to her, UNLESS they have children together.

Good Luck,
James

Congratulations!

You're "the other woman"!

How does it feel?

Title says it all - your being an idiot - Even I have these moments.. Just move on - he had another girl and he spent time with you = PLAYER!

nah you aren't being an idiot, but you should tell him to break up with the other girl before he gets together with you

He can care a lot for you but he might doest want to hurt somebodys feeling you aren't bein a idiot just don't fall to deep and drown because you never know what he is going to do so you need to be standoffish and sit back and observe the situation. He also might not want to mess up your friendship so ask him some questions get it out of him.

Hey, if he'd do this crap behind his girlfriend's back, he'd do it behind yours eventuallly. Way I see it.

Ok. So as much as I hate this, this is usually how it goes. If a guy is going to leave another woman for you -no matter how bad the relationship is- there's always going to be the question of "Would he do the same thing to me?"

His hesitance may be a sign that he's either not ready for a new commitment or that he isn't entirely sincere in wanting to be with you. Sorry. I don't want that to sound harsh.

I had this same situation last year. Sorry to say, but yes, it's idiotic. Why would he break up with her if you can have you and her for free? I'd say ditch him. You deserve a guy that wants you and only you! Apparently you aren't as important to him, or he would have left her way before you guys started "talking" Right now it seems he just wants to have fun with you, but everything else with her. You are just a backup girl. I'm sorry sweetie. I know it sucks, but you can do way better. There are so many guys out there that would be happy to have you and only you, so go out and find him!

put yourself in her situation. imagine you're with a guy you're in love with. it's so passionate that you two get really intense with each other and it ends up in fights. these two may not be right for each other, but that's not to say they don't love and care deeply for each other. If they keep breaking up and getting back together, there's a chance that she will be part of his future in some way, shape, or form.
would you really appreciate your boyfriend leaving you for another girl? that could quite possibly be one of the most hurtful scenarios you could be in... plus, if a guy jumps into a relationship right after one such as this - it's most likely that that new relationship will not work out. if and when they do split up, you should wait for him to deal with the intense emotional roller coaster that coincides with a break up - as I'm sure you want a healthy relationship with this person.
you should also be aware that if he's willing to cheat, and yes this is considered cheating, on a girl... how do you figure he's going to treat you in a relationship?
just some things to consider.. :) good luck.

well how does it make you fell to wait around for him to "make his decision"? not good I'm sure! and that's what's important, how he makes you feel about yourself. here you are questioning if you are being an idiot, I think you already know your answer deep inside. Don't you want better for yourself as far as dating a man? I think since you guys have been good friends, that's good.. but keep it that way. you will thank yourself when you see him treat other girls down the road this way, or even worse!

take care

* not the girl above me the girl who posted the first comment*

I totally agree (with the girl above me), regardless of the fact that he "loves you" or not you were the idiot first for going after someone in a relationship. Answer me this question first "would you like it if he was finally with you and some girl came and did the same to you?" No, I didn't think so. I had to deal with a share of girls like you throughout my relationship and trust me its not pretty. Fortunately my husband was man enough to do the right thing and walk away from people like you. Going by the description of your situation I can tell you that this guy is nothing like my husband and if he is doing this to her guess what honey, he will most likely do it to you too.

You asked for brutal honesty, so here it is. He's spending 1 night a week with her... but he's dating her. He "seems" to love you, but the man is taking his sweet time, and enjoying 2 women at the same time... doesn't seem that difficult to me. You're being duped out of a real relationship. Don't do that to yourself! He's getting everything he wants, and you're left with breadcrumbs. Men can seem to be a lot of things, but if he's not with you, it's because he just didn't want it bad enough. So walk away, and if he's smart, he'll do what he needs to do to deserve a relationship with you. But honestly, why would I want to be with a man that just didn't want me bad enough? Doesn't sound like the romantic beginning to a relationship.

Don't give in to those romantic feelings and continue to hang out with him. He's comfortable with his situation, and obviously is in no rush to change his relationship status. If you continue this road you're on, it'll be your heart that is broken.You have to respect yourself before someone else can respect you. So don't settle for a pretend relationship... it's not fulfilling. And technically, he's cheating with you- don't be that woman.

Best of luck!

Drop him! Think about it...if he would do this to her, even though they fight, he will eventually do it to you. Also, don't let a guy make you disrespect yourself or anyone else! It is not cool to get involved with someone that is taken. Even if they say it is not working out with the person they are with because it drops you down to a very low level! If it was that bad, wouldn't he have left her already? Before he started seeing you? It is possible that he is stringing you both along. It is also possible that he doesn't know if he wants to break up with the person he is with until he sees if it is going to work out with you! Don't put yourself in this position! What he is telling you may very well be true, but you really can't trust him completely if he would do this to another person.
You need to do what you feel is right. I hope whatever decision you make works out for you! Good luck!

Stop poaching another girl's boyfriend irregardless of whether they hate each other or not. Have the decency to wait until they're over and done with first!