Where are all the nice guys?

We're there, its just the fact that in general, nice guys are invisible. I honestly think that's a proven fact. Nice guys can be there to lend a shoulder to cry on, help you make it to the toilet when you drank way too much, but when it comes time for Friday night, women would rather go with the jerk that will say whatever he needs to get in their pants and leave. I would take a stab at a guess that the mean girls that ended up with nice guys probably made the first move. Most nice guys are kinda shy.

You sound like a top chick and I respect your very rare kind. Quite the opposite about losing spunk, cos a girl such as yourself I would find very attractive and respectful:)
Good day to you
P.s. The answer from Tex151 I fully support

I agree with you. I as a "nice guy" according to all of my friends who are female went relationship/ dateless for years and found a myriad reasons why girls go for bad boys or why the naughty girls get the guys, but eventually I ended up where I began: in a pontificatory paradox. If a nice guy dates a bad girl then he may be nice, but misguided, if a good girl dates a bad boy she may be good, but her reality is also askew. I will however give you a quote that really provides a glimps into a mindset that might permit you to relax a bit.

"In the pursuit of happiness, people often settle for pleasure."

OH yeah sometimes nice guys staty quite because they do not feel as if women like nice, polite people.

Here's why there aren't any nice guys, because guys learn from the past , if every time there nice to a girl and she rejects them and they see their friend the ladies man or the asshole getting all these hot girls well they adapt to be that type of guy. I used to be nice like every other guy out there, well I learned pretty quick that that's not the type of guy girls want, so I decided to do an experiment and see which would get better results, the asshole or the nice guy. The nice guy gets girls who are just friends, and the asshole he gets girls who are girl friends, so which one do you think I picked? You guessed it the asshole. Nice guys get walked on by girls because they are you guessed it nice and have no backbone, and the asshole well he won't let them walk all over them he is a man with a backbone, the kind of guy all girls are looking for. I think its funny how women always say they want a nice guy, and then they meet one and they go yeah he's really nice but I'm not attracted to him. So they find some other guy who's an asshole and they go he's such an asshole but there's just something about him that I just can't resist. When it comes to the nice guy you never wonder where he is, because he's always there, but the asshole well you always wonder where he is and who he's with.

Well, I feel your pain. I feel that I'm in the same situation except the gender roles reversed. But I'll add my two cents.

I feel much in the same way that you do. Every girl that I seem to be interested in is already in a relationship or gay. It also seems that, with a few exceptions, that the meanest guys get the nice girls. There are some exceptions, but again.it's rare. As to *why* this is, I think there's differing reasons behind both.

My issue: Mean guys dating/marrying sweet girls - I think that this combo has a threefold reason for existing. I think that the girls think that the guy they are with is all they can get/can't get anyone better, that any attention he gives her (albeit good or bad) is him showing he loves her, and that she can "change" him over time for the better. I think the latter reason has a lot to do with it. Perhaps it's *my* bitterness but it seems women love to change men, for better (not being abusive or mean) or worse (turning him into a slave with no friends).

Your issue: Sweet guys dating/marrying mean girls - I think this combo has a twofold reason for existing. I think that the guys think that the girl they are with is all they can get/can't get anyone better, and that they're getting sex (how much isn't necessarily relevant). One of my best friends married the first girl that he was "with." She doesn't allow him any freedom and doesn't like him being with his friends. If confronted with this, a response has been "Well you're not giving my any!" (FYI, this is something one guy reeeeaaally shouldn't say to another) :P So this leads me to believe that as long as he's getting some, however little, he's placated and/or happy.

As to what to do about it.well, I honestly don't have a real good answer for you. You might try asking guys out at work, but that could be a danger zone. You don't want to get slapped with a sexual harassment suit (though I would state I think it'd be easier for you than vice versa. A guy just has to look at a girl with his eyes open to get a suit slapped on him, with a girl it'd take more than that). But you'd also have to deal with workplace gossip. That could be a pain.

Personally I've thought of trying bookstores and the like and maybe striking up a conversation. My problem is that I'm horrendously shy and that's a big problem for me. I also feel that I'd have to know the girl some to date her, if that makes sense. However, these issues may not be relevant to you. It might be something that you could try. :)

To answer question, I really don't *have* a definitive answer.just some suggestions and thoughts that I hope will help.

What do you define as nice guy? If your expectations involve being tall, handsome, wealthy, obedient, race-specific and the like then you will find very few. But if your expectations truly measures his personality first and material stuff last, then WATCHOUT! You might be shocked that nice guys have been standing next to you all these years but you never opened your eyes, your heart or your mind to them. It is only natural that we look to attractiveness first before we look at what makes then a nice person. We automatically think that tall, handsome men and sexy hot large breasted women are always nice.

WRONG!

Try looking at men whom you would say to yourself things like "nice guy but not my type" or "He's a wierdo but a nice guy" or even "No thanks, clearly not my type, but." These men just might surprise you. Seems like I've posted 100 answers just on this topic alone and almost nobody agrees with me, most everyone is brainwashed on how much a person has to be physically attractive first especially women. Read some of my questions in my profile for proof in what people say.

The guys who go for the real mean girls may find out they made a mistake. But then later they may be scared to date anyone. A lot of a guy's appeal in this society , like it or not, is rolled in with how successful he is. Most girls want a guy who is at least self supporting, but also somewhat generous. With all the stuff companies have inflicted on the workers, many guys (often the nice guys) have been taken down a notch and lost retirement savings. Or they just don't get anywhere. That can make a good guy lose confidence. But let me ask this. Are you ALWAYS nice, or are you ready to be a bit of bad girl behind closed doors?. Sometimes a guy likes some sort of a clue that you can get into character for him. Just a hint - a joke, or maybe a comment about what someone else said. Lets him know that his love live won't be just nice.

Nice guys are all around. There is actually an article that someone wrote about this. The only problem with being a nice guy, is that the nice guy never gets the girl. You probably knew one or two nice guys that probably had feelings for you that you just blew off.

I think that guys need to get the juvenile part of them out of their system before they are ready to commit to a serious relationship. (I am equivocating "Nice" with "mature"). This is of course also has to do with the fact that girls mature faster than guys. Girls look to marriage and the rest of their lives together with that "special guy", whereas most guys are just looking for what feels good at the time, and as soon as that relationship has lost its shine, they move on.

Maturity in guys IS hard to find, I agree with you. but there are nice mature guys in the world who are waiting to meet their lifemate. Good things come to those who wait.

Don't try and stoop to an immature guys' level by showing more skin, or acting sluty, or anything, those guys are not worth the time it would take to turn them around to see the errors of their ways. Don't turn yourself or a guy into a "project".

Know this; NICE GIRLS DO DESERVE NICE GUYS! you'll find him.

Well are you really a nice girl? If you are try checking out your local Gaming Store, Lan Party Locations, or DND/Tabletop Gaming Events. Sure they may seem nerdy at first but many Gamers are quite nice guys. Avoid anyone who gets picked up by their mom in a mini-van though.Besides that.I would Recommend the Dungeons and Dragons Players as many of them (although depicted by many as hallucinating lunatics) are actually more stable and more normal then the guys who hang out at home and play Halo 3 6 hours a day.

I feel the same way. I am a nice woman, but I always seem to get bad men. Don't get me wrong peole can decieve you. I have met some real nice intelligent men, but after I get to know some of them, they turn out not to be so nice. So, it is hard to find someone who is really nice all the time. Like the saying goes most time nice people end up with the bad ones. Just have to pray and ask God and hope you can attract the right guy for you. I get discouraged alot,but I feel like maybe it won't be to long to find him. Most time we fall for the bad ones. I am nice and most of the guys that I really like or attracted to are bad. Sometimes you cannot help it. There are some people who prefer a mean woman or man, or a bad one.

The fact of the matter is, a LOT of people in my experience (guys and girls alike) just don't go for the nice people until they hit a certain point in their life. Even when they SAY they want a nice person. it's like Avalace said, a nice person is interested in them and they blow them off.

Back when I was single I had a lot of guy friends who were really nice guys and were always complaining about how girls were treating them. And these girls were really mean to them all the time. One of the guys I later ended up dating. I'm a nice girl. Wouldn't you know it, he ended up being a total jerk to me. I sat and listened to him complain for over 2 years about "why can't I find a nice girl" and then he gets one finally and is a total ass. I'm not just saying that either, like a year later he realized how bad he had been to me and totally apologized for it, lol. Just at the time he didn't really want the nice girl, even though he thought he did. Another one of these friends is STILL dating girls who don't treat him right. It's literally like 12 years later and he still dates mean girls. All I ever hear from him is him crying because he can't find a nice girl, he wants to get married, why can't he find a nice girl to marry him. Yet he's NEVER interested in any of the nice girls who like him! It's a little infuriating, lol.

Also back when I was single, I can honestly say that I just plain did not want a nice guy. I'm sure I probably said that I did, but looking back I really didn't. I just wasn't in the right place in my life and I had some "issues" I guess you could say. But eventually the time was right, I met a great guy, we fell in love and got married. A little hint. it seems like it ALWAYS happens when you least expect it.

Holy Crap! where do you live cause I think the same thing sometimes except there are obviously nice guy at my church. but I really don't know I mean my Boyfriend is nice but he used to kinda mean like maybe a little more then kinda. But he's really nice now cause he knows that I don't want to be treated like shit, anyways, VERY good question.

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.