I have asked questions for the last 2 weeks about a girl I have been dating for almost 2 months but who has had glandular fever for just over 2 weeks. Up until that time it was great we were so happy together and loved talking to each other . But since she was ill she acted differently towards me, not having me as a guy she really liked but pushed me aside, I became as last priority as she could no longer see her friends, work or dance which were the most important things to her. She showed no interest in wanting to meet even when she was feeling upto it and showed no interest in me when we talked. It was like I was giving her all this care and sympathy(she often foned me when she was upset and would just cry down the phone) and yet showing less interest and affection towards me which made me feel like I was being used. She also got really funny and essentially broke up with me 3 times in one week when she was ill only to phone me and say she was sorry after each time. This impacted me by having me become annoyed and confused, why is she not interested in me as much? what have I done in the last two weeks to put her off me when I havn't even seen her? She has been getting upset about being ill and tired and calling me and crying to me like a boyfriend but I don't get the interest or affection I would get as a boyfriend so it feels horrible for me and that I'm being used, even if it is inadvertantly. She has complained I have been different over the last two weeks which I have as I don't like what has happened. How would most people act if they were shown less interest but then used like a boyfriend in terms of emotional support?(we are just dating not together) I am almost completely sure this has only happened because she is ill but I'm worried it may have created such a negative situation we may not be able to get out of it once she is better. Last night I said to her she can't use me like a bf. She said the situation has become all stressful, she is worried about things as it is and now has to be worried whether I am annoyed, confused etc. Have I done anything wrong? I believe it would/could work if she hadn't have got ill and things had of changed but do you think it will be possible to make it work when she is better? It seems terrible to me that something good could end, not because two people arn't right for each other, but a 2 week illness gets in the way. :(
You've been there for her.and she is sick? Wow.she sounds ill alright! Emotionally and physically. If you like being used and last on her list, stick around.more to come! Otherwise, be done with it! You don't deserve that kinda treatment from someone. Her behavior is unexcuseable to me, sick or not. We all should treat others as we would want to be treated!
Maybe she feels that her illness has changed the way she feels about you. She seems to be using you as someone to talk to and nothing more, so I would tell her that she needs to sort her health out and then you guys can talk about your relationship, but till then it's just a friendly relationship. Don't put pressure on her to make a decision - it's not your fault that she's ill, and certainly not your fault that her feelings have changed. It's nobody's fault. Just hang in there and talk to her.
It sounds really weird to me. But what happens next time she gets sick? Is she going to do the same thing to you again? If you don't want to go around in circles with her, then I would suggest moving on. It is way too early to have problems and it sounds like when she says you have been really different these last two weeks, it is like she is blaming you for the problems. That's just my opinion though, you have to decide.
This is why you date several women at once, so that when one flakes out you can put her on the back burner.
Which is what you need to do. You need to cool it with her for about a month. After that month, go back in, and make sure she treats you right this time. If she doesn't, she's probably spoiled, and you can either take her as-is (NOT recommended) or drop her.
You let this girl develop some bad habits (withdrawing affection, snippiness, general emotional instability) and rather than nip them in the bud, you waited until the behavior was utterly unacceptable before beginning to correct it. Rookie mistake. Don't make it again.
Good advice thanks! Would the best way to nip them in the bud be to just tell her to stop, or are there more subtle ways to get it across? - A month ago
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: A month ago
Wait till she gets better. Don't be pouty and rub all she did in. She should realize what she did and apologize if you give it time and don't push things too far. Patience. And learn.
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: A month ago
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