Why Doesn't Anyone Take It To The Next Level?

I ask women out on dates all the time that's the only way your going to get a date with her, you have to ask her if she would want to, who cares about rejection every one gets rejected it makes you stronger, makes you not care if she says no, all you have to do is go oh well at least I tried and find another chick.

I think that the reason for asking how to ask someone out is that most people are young and not experienced with love, so they're afriad of rejection. I personaly would ask the person out, if I got rejected I'd be upset, but for me it isn't really the end of the world, though I've always found it harder to reject, than be rejected.

If only it were that simple lol. I have told the guy I like that I feel that way and he has recipricated the feelings, however... we still remain friends. I don't understand why and I don't want to pressure him. My guess is that now a days everyone is so self centered. They are always looking for the next best thing instead of enjoying what they do have. People cheat, lie, and break hearts, so that they can get, what in their eyes, will be better than what they had. Due to this people are afraid to commit to anything and to trust what anyone says. Thus making it more difficult to read a person's actions or words. A vicious cycle...

Yeaaah , I deffinatley agree . good point. If someone really wanted to kno the exact answer to their question , does he like me , or does she like me , and what to date me , the only way your really going to find out , and to get the right answer , is if you talk to the person , make a move , approach them , whocares about being rejected , it's life , not everything is going to go perfect , things happen , and at least you get the answer your looking for , without guessing and having to ask 20 questions. Take a chance and just live.
You never kno if tht certin girl/guy likes you , soo just go ahead , and approach them , It will make things 10x better for you , and the person.

Lol yes that's a very good point but just as well like everyone already knows, its easier said then done for some people.

Good point. My best friend in the whole world keeps telling me that I need to do that. But I'm such a chicken shit. (Pardon my french) But I'm getting better. My first step is to break up with my first love who I've been together for almost 4 years now. I must admit that's a bit of a chanllange for me, but I intend to suck it up and do it here soon. And then my next step is exactly what you said go up to "so-and-so" and say of and by the way I really like you and would really like to go to dinner with you, what do you say? Maybe not so corny but you get the idea.

I've noticed exact same thing about this website!
I also noticed, that most of my answers now are basically along the lines of "why don't you just start a casual conversation with him/her?"
There are SOO many people out there, most of them are fascinating, smart, kind and vulnerable since pretty much everyone worries about approaching someone, so that right there gives us a lot in common :)

I absolutely agree with user "tex151".

I hate rejections period. Also I am a shy person and that I'd always wait for the guy to make the first moves. After of years being single, I decided that I shouldn't sit around and wait for the guys to do all the moves. Now I started to approach guys and also learn to be directed with my feeling.

It's human nature to dislike rejection.
no one likes to hear that they aren't "Good enough"
the main reason I don't usually tell guys how I feel is because I don't run into very many guys that I like enough to fall for, or, as my luck would have it, I fall for the guy that already has a girlfriend.

I've been in college for about 4 years now, and the entire time that I've been here, I have fallen for 2 guys.
one was a casual friend whom I had 2 classes with. He was a chemistry major who use to play football. Cute as hell! and an awesome guy to boot. And... had a girlfriend . So in a situation like that you of course SAY NOTHING, unless you wanna ruin any chance of having a cool friend to bum notes off of in class. He's still dating his girlfriend, I occasionally run into him from time to time, and he's still as cute and smart as ever, but I know nothing is gonna happen between us. My feelings aren't gone totally, but they're not on the surface anymore, and I don't even think about him all that often unless I run into him
The 2nd guy is a friend. He's one of those rare people that you run into. I mean, he's not perfect, no one is, but he's got this personality that is just so, genuine, it's hard to explain.
the thing that makes this hard was the fact that I considered him a best friend before I fell for him. I spent many months and weeks laboring over what to do about this. I decided to just go ahead and tell him how I feel about him, even though I knew he didn't feel the same.
We are still friends, and being the nice person that he is, he was more worried about me pouring my guts out to him than anything else.
to me, that makes it worse, knowing that he cares more about my feelings than anything else and still wants to be my friend, and spared me and out and out rejection, is waay harder than if he had been a jerk and told me to never talk to him again. that I could of handled pretty well, but sympathy just plain old sucks

hhahaa.. LOL! that would be a cute intro to someone you like.. "hey am so and so... I find you really interesting... would you like going out with me sometime squirrel hunting" :) LOL... hahahha...

seriously, I am with sweet17 -- definitely, it's the fear of rejection - 'cuz in general rejection affects ones self-esteem negatively so I guess people would rather play it safe than get burnt...

Because everyone's worst fear is rejection. Just a fact

Yeah it sounds like it makes sense, but it's easier said than done. No one wants to be rejected and why put yourself out there and make a fool of yourself if you don't have to. In some cases you're seeing this other person on a regular basis, would you like to see the person that rejected you on regular basis? I know that I don't. It also depends on how long you've like the other person, I think that it's wise to give it some time so that you can get to know them and see what they are really about. I'm not saying to wait on the other person to make a move, it's just not that easy to walk up to the person that you're interested in and ask them out.

Well I can only give you my opinion.

I'm personally very open and straight forward. If I want to dance, I ask her to dance. If I want to f***, I ask her for sex. If I don't want to get close, I make it known. If I think she's a psycho, I tell her off. If I like a girl, I will ask her out and make it obvious.

People are not used to this. That's why people like me get shut down alot. Yet I must make the point that I get good dates way more often than others do. Fearless people will get rejected more times and hurt more times than the average person because the average man/woman won't make themselves available to these opportunities. It's Economics 101. The more opportunities you have, the higher the opportunity cost.

There's a certain social stigma against being open and honest. Dating is a Machiavellian art. People play games, test each other, sob to their friends/mothers/websites about the outcomes. The only way to do it is to go out there and find out yourself. You are the best judge.

It amounts to your ability to take and handle rejection. I shrug it off in most cases. But I do get hurt when I become emotionally invested, only to see the other side is immature and resorts to playing games. If I get rejected by a girl that I put in a lot for, it's usually for these reasons because I can tell pretty quickly if a girl isn't into me, and in that case, I don't waste her time or mine.

Furthermore, on a sociological note, it's because of feminism. It created this culture in which men put women on a pedestal. Think of it this way... four men get slaughtered execution-style in an urban area is not as shock-inspiring as a woman in her early twenties getting raped in a suburban setting. Social and economic factors aside, its very true that our whole culture puts women on a pedestal when they are meant to be equal to men. Thus, women who by nature are coy and insecure, are not willing to step up and be equals to men in the dating scene- causing a perpetual confusion as to who's role it is to be dominant. The man who like me, takes things in his hands and holds doors open, calls the shots, etc... is frowned upon by women who largely view this behavior as chauvinistic. But they don't want the wuss-types either. Women don't know what they want, and it's because of the sexual revolution.

This creates a scene where both women and men don't know what they want, because men are socially aware of their advances on women and the boundaries that cannot be crossed. Thus, you have confused men and women who come to these sites complaining and moaning.

Amen.

take mote that even though I preach this myself its a lot harder to do and people are afraid that theyll do something wrong

No one wants to be rejected. Traditionally, it's expected that the man ask the woman out. Feminism is great for making the point that men shouldn't be too agressive. Missing, however, is the message that men should be, well, at least a little aggressive.

And then there are all sorts of dumb messages in media, movies, and magazines that actually encourage women to be flaky, play hard-to-get, and make long lists of demands they need from men (without ever considering what *they* have to offer in return). So, even when a guy actually takes risks to ask a girl out, he's faced with telephone games, misdirection, and co-dependent format relationships. Keep in mind, that this is when the girl even likes the guy...

Guys, on the other hand, basically have a non-existant education about relationships throughout childhood. They don't tend to play house, dream about their wedding, or talk girl-advice with their dads. If they show too many emotions, they're called wusses.

It`s cause you don`t want to scare the other person off by going like a bull at a gate. Relationships are a fragile thing and that is how you should treat them. I once did like you described on one particular evening and moved from one girl to another asking them " Hey shouldn`t we leave and go to your place?" Really stupid( I was much younger) I still have to apologize for this from time to time when I meet one of those girls from that evening.

Because people are oversensitive and insecure.

They assume rejection for a date means that they have no value. It's an overgeneralization, and blowing things out of proportion.

It's a little disappointing to get declined for a date. But a little disappointment's better than feeling like a wuss and wondering "what if?"

I know how that's feel like skydiving with out a parachute, I will ask the worst they can say 'no'

Bottom line, people are afraid of judgment and rejection by others, especially that by prospective romantic interests - but those fears can make make us captive and afraid to live our lives, which is the biggest tragedy of all. I was a shy guy until age 20, and I know the feeling all too well. Though things aren't perfectly ideal at the moment, I've greatly matured and become less reluctant to express myself to others. This change allowed me to date several years back, take more chances, gain some life experience, and become a more well-rounded person - and how I wish I realized this much earlier in life, but oh well.

For me it is an issue of personal investment, or in other words how well I know the person. I would be comfortable walking up too a complete stranger, telling her how attractive I find her, and inviting her to join me for coffee or dinner. On the other hand, I am quite shy with people I know. I have had great difficulty working up the courage to ask a girl out that I knew well. I guess it boils down to I don't care what a stranger thinks, but am very reluctant to face the possibility or rejection from a friend.

Fear of rejection, embarrassment, inferiority. It's easier to imagine that things *could have* gone well if you didn't actually try. Then you'd know for sure that they didn't. I don't personally think that's a good attitude to have, but those are the reasons that people have it.

People take these things too heavily, and fear being judged by the person and society for their actions. Were afraid of the unknown and just don't want to be put down but it's much more painful to lose someone that could have "been" than to make a move and get shot down.

In the end though you just have to push and endure to get results, otherwise if you do Nothing, nothing will happen..

Thats what I tell people, just ask the worst that could happen you get a new friend or they say no