I am 21 years old, I just turned 21 this past January, I never had a girlfriend before in my entire life, always been single. How does a guy get his first girlfriend? I am not a very social and outgoing person, I don't have a lot of friends, I have a hard time meeting new people. Pretty much the only places for me to meet girls in person are in school, I go to community college, or at Bars/Clubs, I have no other places to meet girls. All of my close friends are guys, and they don't know any girls that they can introduce me to or set me up with, so basically I can't meet any girls through the friends and the people that I currently know right now, like I can't meet friends of friends, because my close friends are not very social and outgoing either, like we don't have the life of the party. Every girl that I have pursued and asked out for the past 2 years was either taken or not interested, almost all the time it's been because the girl had a boyfriend already. When the girls were not interested in me, this happen 4 times with 4 different girls, they gave me their real phone number, but they never answer or called me back. Probably the main reasons why I don't have a lot of friends is because I went to 3 different high schools, so I had to start over making new friends a lot, and also I did not get my driver's license and first car until I was 18, which was after high school graduation, also all the close friends in high school did not have a car or their driver's license either, so I had to depend on my parents or my friends parents to take us places. Another reason why I have a hard time meeting new people and making new friends, both guys and girls, is because I might have Asperger Syndrome, which is a mild form of Autism, however I am not 100 percent sure if I have it, my Psychologist has speculated that I might have it, but however, me and him are not completely sure.
Update: Seriously, how does every guy out there know how to talk to women without being nervous or saying something stupid? How is every guy born with "game"? Is it an instinct? How are guys born or develop the social skills and confidence in order to get a girl
10 months ago
hmmm... I actually look for the guys that don't seem to meet people easily. while at school, try to talk to the girls more and show them you're a good person. the "friend circle" that everyone talks about is a myth. we like our guy friends to stay friends, but that's to keep them from leaving us. my last 4 boyfriends have spawned from tight friendships. don't lose hope. a girl will find you.
Man but 21 is a bit too late to start dating. - 10 months ago
Answerer
Not necessarily. you act like you're the 40-year-old virgin! lol. you have time. listen to what spear mint said too. it's legit - 10 months ago
Question Asker
The part you said that "a girl will find me", how is that possible if girls expect the guy to pursue them and take the whole entire initiative, and ask them out? girls don't really chase guys. - 10 months ago
Question Asker
Eventhough 21 is far away from 40, but still, most people have their first boyfriend girlfriend when they are like 15 or 16. - 10 months ago
Answerer
So you're not like everyone else... big deal. and I've done the pursuing for ALL of my relationships. some girls look. some girls dont. you seem to be the type that wouldn't pursue for fear of rejection. that's the type of guy some girls look for. just go with the flow. - 10 months ago
Question Asker
Yeah well I don't like being different, I hate being a late bloomer, I wish I was like everyone else, but unfortuneately it's too late to catch up. - 10 months ago
Answerer
Well sorry, can't help you there. I tried. - 10 months ago
Question Asker
It's okay, I was not expecting help right there, because there is nothing I can do about it. That is why sometimes I wish I was a girl, not becaus I am gay or anything, I wish I was born into this world as a girl, because I would already be instinctively attracted to guys, because all girls have to do is approve of the date and relationship. - 10 months ago
Answerer
Being a girl sucks. if we're interested in a guy, we have to wait for them to make a move so we don't mess up our friendship. if all we had to do was approve a relationship, life would be simple. next time you see a girl you like, just go up and talk to her. either she'll talk or she wont. it's not the end of the world if she doesnt. remember that. you can always just talk to another girl. somewhere, there are other girls like me who like to meet new people. - 10 months ago
Question Asker
Yeah but still, even waiting a while for the guy to make a move and ask you out is not as bad as being rejected, because you girls get to do the rejecting instead of receiving rejection. - 10 months ago
Trust me hun, I've had my fill of rejections. - 10 months ago
By
Question Asker
How do girls get rejected even if they are the ones initiating the date and relationship? - 10 months ago
By
Answerer
Well lets do a hypothetical scenerio..... say girl likes boy... a lot... boy sees girl as friend/sister... girl shows that she likes him as more by actions or just straight up saying it... boy stops talking to girl about anything.... ever...... - 10 months ago
By
Question Asker
My bad, I meant how do girls get rejected if they are not the ones approaching guys and asking them out? I forgot to put the word "not". - 10 months ago
Well, you already know what your flaws are (aside from Asperger Syndrome) so it should be fairly obvious as to what you need to improve on. And thus, I won't get into that part of the issue.
However, let me tell you this. Getting a girlfriend is almost like a numbers game. Out of fifteen or twenty girls that you meet, about five may be interested in you, but only one will actually be available. I know I'm pulling numbers out of my ass but take a look at the big picture here... my point is that you gotta go out there and put yourself out there. For every girl that you're interested in, "advertise yourself". Eventually, one of those girls will return the same feelings and want to be with you.
Word of caution though, when I said "advertise yourself" I don't mean to be a fake and act like someone you're not. Girls can usually see through all the bullsh*t so no point in messing around with them in that way. Be real, be true to yourself. Show them what you're good at. If you're not good at anything, learn a new hobby and be awesome with it. And most importantly, enjoy life as it is. No healthy, sane girl wants to be with a guy who acts insecure and depressed.
Girls have it so much easier when it comes to dating. - 10 months ago
Question Asker
So are you saying I should keep persistent? The semester is going to end at my school soon, so once summer starts, I'll have a hard time meeting girls. Because public places, most people don't end up meeting their future boyfriend/girlfriend there. - 10 months ago
Answerer
Well, I wouldn't say girls have it much easier. They just have a totally different situation from us guys. As far as meeting girls, it's okay to do so in public places. You never know unless you try. Remember, whenever you see an opportunity that's when you go for it, regardless of location and timing. - 10 months ago
Question Asker
Yeah also a lot of times why I don't approach girls is because I am afraid I might try too hard or look and sound desperate, I don't want the girls to think that I am desperate or trying too hard. Plus when there is an opportunity, I don't bother to approach or talk to the girl because I figure she has a boyfriend already, and that is the story of my life, whenever I see a girl that I am interested in, and I go talk to her, she tells me she has a boyfriend already, and I feel I wasted my time. - 10 months ago
Question Asker
Well it's very extremely difficult to have confidence and a positive attitude, and not be desperare since I have always been single. I just want to end the single streak already, I want to finally jump the hurdle, I would rather be in a difficult relationship with a girl than be in no relationship at all. - 10 months ago
Answerer
The trick to not appearing desperate is to have a cool, relaxed, fun persona. If you approach a girl in a light-hearted yet calm fashion then you won't come off as "trying too hard". Also, you DO need to "bother to approach" the girl you're interested in. Don't use previous situations as a show-stopper because you really won't know if she's available. You're not being fair to yourself if you don't give into opportunities. So just go for it, end this "single streak" as you say. - 10 months ago
Question Asker
Well thanks, that gives me some motivation. Also I never make up stories, lie, or try to act like someone else just so a girl will like me, I am always myself. People told me when a guy is not being himself, that makes him look desperate. So I guess I am not as desperate as I though I was before. Also after I find out a girl is not interested in me, I forget about her, I don't bother pursuing her anymore. - 10 months ago
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