I have known this guy for the past 2 years (we initially met each other at work). We became really good friends and have always kept in touch with each other -- through bad friendships, break-ups, love triangles, traveling, etc. He lost of a lot of weight recently (approx 130 lbs), and he always shared his struggles, difficulties, and subconsciousness. I have always told him no matter what, he is one of the nicest guys I ever known (he is loyal, gentle, and gets along with a lot of people) - but, I know he always sees himself as that fat guy (he is really skinny now though) but mentally I think he has been scarred by his experiences. I am two years older than him (22, 20 respectively). I had a strong feeling that he really liked me. So, I asked him if he did. And he said that he didn't and was sorry that he didn't and apologized for giving me the wrong impression. I was mostly embarrassed for asking, but admired his truthfulness. We didn't talk for a couple days, but then we got talking like everything was back to normal. As far as I was concerned he made it clear that I was only a friend, and would never be anything more -- and I was fine with and accepted it fully heartedly.
For last few months he has been texting me every morning, talk on the phone, sometimes he calls me when is out, he brings up various girls who a crush him. And then he always says 'you're jealous aren't you'. LOL). I always laugh because I really find it all very funny. . I am not seriously damaged or hurt because his past rejections, I moved on. And stayed true to our friendship. I don't understand why he does what he does. He told me jokingly of course that he would die without me and he considers me to be one to his best friend (the guy has cried in front of me. So I mean, come on! ). We joke around and he a lot of fun to be with. But, his signals totally confuse me.
The other day, while out with I remarked that would be funny if we hooked him up with a girl while out on the town. His friend replied, "no we should hook him up with you. Don't you know he is totally crazy for you" (granted his friend was bit tipsy at the time when he said). I replied, "hey is my buddy we are not like that. He know that and I know that". Then my guy friend turned around and gave me a confused look.
Ah, I don't know what is with him -- he tells me all these girls have crushes on him but he isn't interested in any of them, he always tells me that he is reading books (he thinks I am really smart so he always tries to say thing like this), and sometimes he jokingly says, "you want me don't you. " (even when he is sober. ) of course I was laugh and sarcastically reply, "yeah, rite, I want YOU". That's it.
Any suggestions to what is going on?
Update: I forgot to mention that I am completing university this year and he is will be moving to London for 1 year. He invited me to visit him in London. I am going to be hosting a party for him.
9 months ago
The short answer to your questions is yes, he does like you. I think the key clue to all of this is his recent weight loss. Back when you asked him if he liked you (and he was still overweight), he probably said no because he thought you could never like him back, and he didn't want to make the friendship awkward by admitting his true feelings for you. Now that he is skinny, he sees himself as more presentable and actually having a chance with you, hence the recent increase in calls and texts. Him bringing up all the other women who are attracted to him is classic: he is trying to show you that you are not the only woman in his life and that, if he wanted to, he could date any of them (but he has chosen you). By doing this he is trying, either consciously or subconsciously, to make you jealous and hopefully prompt you to make a move on him for fear that if you don't, you'll lose him to all these other women. Furthermore, he most likely feels that he can't really make a move on you because he already said he wasn't into you, and he doesn't want to be caught in his now-obvious lie.
Lastly, if there's one thing I know for sure, is that the word of drunk friends should be trusted implicitly. He has obviously told his guy friends that he likes you, but sworn them to secrecy. Alcohol, the little miracle worker that it is, loosened the friend's tongue enough for you to get the truth: your friend really is crazy about you.
All that said, what you need to decide is whether or not you like him. If you don't, it's best to tell him that up front. Don't hint at it, don't avoid it, just spell it out for him. Will he be hurt? Probably. But it's much better for a guy to be rejected straight up and begin the getting over process than it is for him to stagnate for years, hoping that some day you'll just show up at his door and leap into his arms. If you do like him, might I suggest just showing up at his door and leaping into his arms? :)
As one final warning, I feel I must say: if you do feel something for him, ask yourself if you've felt these things all along, or just since he lost weight and became more attractive. There's nothing wrong with wanting a partner who you're physically attracted to, but if that's the only thing your attraction to him is based on, the relationship won't last long and won't end well. Just something to think about.
Thanks for you insightful feedback. I should clarify that I met him during his skinny stage. He showed me a picture of him when he was overweight (I am talking obese. Not chubby but extremly large). He lost all the weight naturally. And he looks like a normal guy now. But, I think fat people always feel a little underconfident especially if they grow up as fat kids. Again, appreciate your thoughtful answer. - 9 months ago
I did ask him. See first part of question. - 9 months ago
Answerer
I read that lol but I think you should ask again but in a joking way such as,"Hey you've been acting like you like me or something" and see what he does - 9 months ago
Question Asker
Thanks for the suggestion, LilMiss. - 9 months ago
In the two years you have known him, has this guy been seriously and romantically involved with ANY girl? If not, does that maybe suggest anything about him, and what he's about? Just asking.
No he has dated 2 girls (he was thin then). Um, well, he does get a lot of attention from girls because he a really nice, outgoing, and polite guy. And he has a great sense of humor too. But, no he hasn't had any serious relationships. The 2 girls that he did like (one ended up liking his best friend) and the other girl. Not to sure but I believe they just went separate ways. Neither of them were long term. Butm, granted he is 20 so that may explain is lack of dating experience. - 9 months ago
Answerer
Hmmm, I suspect this guy may not be interested in a serious relationship with a girl, for whatever reason. He seems to have plenty of opportunities with girls, but doesn't pursue them. That's most likely a choice on his part. So don't take it personally if it turns out he doesn't want to date you. Just enjoy his company and his friendship. - 9 months ago
Question Asker
I suspect you are right. I don't think he is ready for something serious (he travels quiet a bit) and has expressed previously that he doesn't really want to settle down. Yeah, I will continue to enjoy his company. He is a great friend! - 9 months ago
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: 9 months ago
asked 5 days ago
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