I met a guy and we've been spending a lot of time together for the past 8/9 months. By spending time together I mean that we talk on the phone several times a week and when we do get together (he lives 3 hours away) once or twice a month, we're all over each other. But we've talked in the past about him not wanting to get serious. Initially, I said the same because I had just gotten divorced, but now I feel differently. Our friends were giving us a really hard time because we were pulling the "we're just friends" bullshit, but it was obvious we were more - he would hold my hand or put his arm around me in front of everyone - including his entire family. I'm not like that with any other friends and according to his friends/family, neither is he. I eventually called him on it. We had a long talk and he said that while he thought I was absolutely awesome and he's really attracted to me, he never wants to get married and therefore can't see the reasoning behind getting serious with someone. He had a really bad break-up (engagement) and doesn't want to risk getting hurt again. Blah, blah, blah. Who hasn't? Shit - I'm divorced and I'm willing to take the plunge.
So. At first I was really bummed and told him that I couldn't talk to him anymore because I really liked him and couldn't be just friends. He said he didn't want to lose me and eventually said that he'd give me a couple weeks to see how I felt. For the next two weeks he never called or text messaged. Two weeks to the day, he called. He said that he wanted to make sure I wasn't still mad at him and that it was hard to hold off the two weeks and he almost caved more than once. So from that time on, we were right back to where we started. And now he's even more serious acting. We'll talk for hours on the phone and he's coming up again this weekend just to help me fix some crap around my apt. And watch scary movies. We're talking a 3 hour drive one way and about $50 in gas.
So do you think he likes me more than he wants to let on? I mean, I know this is ridiculous, but even if it ends badly, I'm willing to risk it. I really like him and we get along SO well. I'm dreading talking to him about this again because I don't want to keep harping on it. I really love spending time with him and I don't want to screw that up. I really just wanted to see what a guy's take on it was. If I'm just fooling myself into thinking that his actions govern his heart more than his words. Does that make sense?
Here is my opinion. They guy definitely does like you. If he didn't he wouldn't spend time with you on the phone, hanging out with you, driving 3 hours to see you, being all over you when you do see him, holding your had, and putting his arm around you. These are all obvious signs that he likes you. He also told you that he's attracted to you, and the proof is in the fact you guys are all over each other when you see each other. If your not attracted to someone your not going to be all over them. Your also not going to spend hours talking to them, and not going to drive 3 hours to see them. He obviously enjoys your company otherwise he wouldn't spend hours talking to you on the phone and drive all that time just to see you. Even if all he wanted was sex, most guys aren't desperate enough to drive 3 hours, even if the girl is really awesome in bed. You said you had a talk with him and he answered you. His behavior is consistent with his answer to you. Here is where the problem comes in. He probably does not want a serious relationship, and probably is most serious at least for now about not wanting to get married. He's interested in hanging out with you, having fun with you, having sex with you, and taking care of you to a point (example: helping fix stuff around your apartment). He was quite clear with you about his feelings towards you and to what level he's willing to get involved with you. He said it quite clearly. I strongly think you need to figure out what it is you want, and come to terms with your own emotions on the subject. I think you know quite clearly how he feels about you and what level of relationship he is willing to have with you. He's not playing hard to get. Guys don't really do that. Besides he already has you. He has sex with you, fun with you, and enjoys companionship with you, all without having to commit to you. I know you must know this. Be honest with yourself. What you are not clear on is if you are willing to accept the level of involvement he's willing to have with you or not. In the last paragraph of your question in your first sentence you even if it ends badly your willing to risk it. No your not! Because in the third sentence of the same paragraph you say you don't want to screw that up. You have to decide which is it? In the second sentence of the third paragraph you say you dread talking to him about this because you don't want to keep harping on this. No you don't dread it. If you did, why are you going to ask the same question you already have an answer to? I believe the answer is because in one way or another you want to make him have a relationship with you. I say this because he already stated his boundaries and you want to keep going about it. Here's what it all comes down to: Either accept the level of commitment he's willing to give you, or move on. Trying to force him into a relationship will most likely make him run. His not calling for 2wks. Was a message.
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(Age:36 to 45)
When: 9 months ago
asked 5 days ago
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