So I've recently fallen for a girl that already have a somewhat well established boyfriend of two years. And though some effort, I've managed to get some attention from her and we do hang out once in a while. She and her boyfriend have an occasional fight every week or so, yet I don't feel that they are heading toward a breakup anytime soon either (at least not without other outside influences). I've become close enough with her to be invited head over to her place for the night and have a few drinks and watch a movie or something. But I'm afraid that with one wrong move, we are just gonna end up being close friends. A part of me also feels really guilty because she have a boyfriend.
Any ideas on what to do or how to sort out this situation?
Update: Well, I went to visit her and we had a really good time talking and watching movies. (though she talks A LOT about her private life and past boyfriends and even her sexuality. ) am I on the good side? Or too deep into the friend zone
8 months ago
Yes, you absolutely have every right to hang-out with this girl regardless if she has a boyfriend or not. As long as you haven't put any "suggestive moves" on her - then it is basically you and her hanging out as friends. Remember, if you do anything to suggest that she break-it-off with her boyfriend you will end up looking like a house wrecker. She needs to realize in her own time that the boyfriend she is currently with is not really who she should be with. Convincing or even hinting that she ditch her current boyfriend is not gonna make you look too good (again, your the GUY who got between something that was special -- she will always question if she have stayed with him). Let her come around in time. Next time she has fight with her boyfriend, do suggest that she can come and talk to you about it (show your support. Offer advice IF requested) - mostly hear her out. Give her your utmost time and attention. Right now, your the go-to guy until she officially decides that her current boyfriend is not worth her time or attention anymore. She has been with this guy for 2 years. And you know what, your probably the sign that she needed to consider leaving him. Let us know how it goes. And just as always, be a pillar of support to her. And yes, continue to have one-and-one time with her. She'll find in time, that you are the one she really wants to be with. Patience is key. I hope this helps you!
Thanks, those are some good points and it helps a lot to have you agree with my theory for action. to be honest, I've already suggested, and she already comes to me every time she has fights with her boyfriend. (one reason I know how frequently then happen. God, it's a lot worse than I initially thought lol) and sadly, I've already tried to seed some logic into why she should break up (nothing on me though). She took it pretty well and thanked me for the advice. - 9 months ago
Answerer
Yes, sometimes it can get irritating to hear anyone talk about someone over and over again -- all the fights they have them with and they absolutely nothing. It can be very frustrating - especially she has an opportunity to perhaps be with someone who is better than the man she is currently with. At the same time, if you do end up getting to the end of the line - ask yourself if this girl is worth it -if she is willing to get continually disrespected by her current b/f, what does that say abouthe - 9 months ago
Question Asker
Hmm, that's an interesting point you raise there. I've actually never thought of it that way before. Most of her friends actually strongly object to her current relationship (to my knowledge), and apparently the story goes that it was more or less something of a rebound that started off nice, and the attraction is really wearing off at this point. and since both me and her are pre-med students at different ivy league universities, I almost feel that it makes sense for us to be together. - 9 months ago
Well the same thing is going on with me but I'm the girl with the boyfriend, and there is another guy who I'm crushing on but I know it would be wrong to do anything of that sort. This guy and I are becoming real good friend although I only have known him for almost a month now. I wouldn't feel guilty, got over my guilt of having a crush because it's so natural to have those feelings. I'd still be freinds with her, because that's basically all you can do, you know? HTH.
True, there really isn't much I can do at this point. But how's your relationship with your current boyfriend? Because this girls has probably had a dozen breakup/makeups already. And it's seriously getting on my nerves and almost encouraging me to do something. - 9 months ago
I wish you the best of luck. Sounds like you both really enjoy one another's company (that is the most important -- and in the end that is what keeps people together in the long-term). She needs to realize that she is worth it - and does not deserve to be disrespected. And that is something she will come to realize on her own. Anyways, good luck :)
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: 9 months ago
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