I'm not sure myself. I'm going through that exact situation right now and I even posted a question about it. I guess the biggest question to ask is, if the person you want is happy in their relationship and their significant other treats them well. If so, you'd best just move along. But if not, that's where things get complicated. On the one hand, you trying and succeeding will accomplish 2 things: You'll get what you want, and you're saving them from a potentially abusive partner. On the other hand, if you try and fail you will only embarrass yourself, potentially destroy the friendship, AND, worst of all, could possibly make things even worse between them and their potentially abusive partner. This is my dilemma in the situation I'm in right now.
I would let them know I was interested and leave it at that. I don't believe in trying to split people up when they're already together. However, if I seriously liked the person I would have to let them know. I'd explain that I don't expect them to break up, I just had to let them know and then reassure them that I won't be getting in the way. Then, if it's meant to be, it'll happen. If not.something better might just be on the horizon.
Sometimes guys just get stuck in a relationship and we don't end it because we don't think there's anything better and we don't want to be single. So, just because it's long term it doesn't necessarily mean we are committed, it's more of a status-quo thing. Haha, I know how bad that sounds, and yes it's not fair that we lead you girls on, but sometimes we just want to be in a long-term relationship without the prospects of getting married, having kids, moving in together, etc. they are simply there to fill a void in our life because sometimes you just don't want to be single.
Personally, if I didn't know who the guy that the girl was dating I would definitely make a move. I don't believe in that whole home wrecker thing, if a girl is willing to leave her guy for me then she wasn't that invested in the relationship in the first place. It hurts the other guy, but in the end is better for him because he's no long with a person who doesn't care about him. It works out for me because I get the girl, and it works out for her because she's with someone she's interested in.
I know, I know, I'm such an asshole for stealing this girl and how would I like it if someone did it to me!? It has happened to me, I'm not going to lie and say that it didn't hurt at the time, but I now realize that it hurt because I was emotionally attached. She obviously wasn't and in the long run it's better for me because I'm no long with someone who doesn't care about me enough to leave me for someone else.
I asked this question because it made me upset seeing people try to steal other's girlfriend/boyfriend. But I'm pretty open minded so I try to see where others are coming from. I can understand where you're coming from, but I'm not agreeing on that that's a right thing to do! :) Anywho, thank you for your honest answer. You wouldn't make a move if you got turned down every time right? I don't have worries, and I don't show it, but this girl annoys me by the fact that she doesn't give up. - 7 months ago
Answerer
Hey, I respect the fact that you're open-minded and can accept the fact that others may have a different opinion, despite you disagreeing. It infuriates me when people just repeatedly say you're wrong, without even considering that an alternative opinion exists.
To answer your question, no I can take the hint. If I'm turned down the first time, I would not persist thereafter. Actually, I don't really see the point in doing so, but understand that it's probably common and reasons for it. - 7 months ago
I completely agree with everything crapshoot said. I'm always saying this actually.
That said, I don't think I would make a move at all. Not because of any profound reason, I just can't bring myself to do it intentionally. It happens plenty without my trying anyway, lol. Now granted by "making a move" I mean something clear cut. Asking him out, kissing him, etc. I WOULD flirt with him because if I really like the guy then I probably can't help it. I tend to flirt without even realizing it all the time if I really like the guy. If he responds favorably then odds are, things are going to escalate. But if it ever reaches that point where it looks like we're going to get together I would make sure he was no longer with the girl anymore. I feel like if you hook up with a guy and he is still with another girl, then most guys don't feel any incentive to break it off with her and just keep you as the side dish. I don't do "side dish".
Thanks for agreeing with me, I actually agree with a lot of what you said too, particularly making a clear-cut move. Also, definitely agree that you shouldn't hook up with the guy while he's still with the other girl, no girl should do "side dish."
If a guy wants to fool around, be a man, break it off and then play the field. Don't do it behind someone's back. - 7 months ago
Well 3 years is a long time, I say they're pretty solid. But some guys stay in relationships they're not necessarily happy with because it's convenient for the time being. I have to know to make a proper opinion, this person who's hitting on the 3-year taken guy, is he flirting back? Or is he straight up not interested, and they just keeping trying?
I'm not worried about this girl. I've been with my guy for 2 years in high school, but moved on when we went to college because of the distance. So I know his family pretty well too. Kept in touch and now we're back and living together. So it's not like we haven't been with any other people. It's just annoying that she's still trying when he clears respond to her that he's not interested. This question is just out curiosity to see other's opinions. But I really appreciate your concern! Thanks!<3 - 7 months ago
Answerer
Oh okay okay.. so you're the girlfriend, I wasn't sure if you were the flirt or the girlfriend on the other side going 'wtf'.. haha, so basically, this chick sounds desperate just to be the 'homewrecker'. I've definitely known a lot of those, their interest in a guy is heightened when they find out he's taken, they give no thought to what they're actually trying to f*** up, it's just a challenge to them. It's pretty lame, but all in all, I wouldn't let this girl get under your skin.. - 7 months ago
Answerer
*Continued*.. don't let her get under your skin, I know it's difficult when you wish she would just f*** off and die.. but as long as he is staying faithful and not giving her the time of day, you guys are solid.. and you definitely seem to be. If you don't have an issue with conflict, I say you get this girl face-to-face and tell her from you that she needs to back off or she'll have hell to pay.. harsh? Don't think so.. she more than deserves a mouthful. - 7 months ago
Honestly, no. I don't think I am the kind of person that would make someone's relationship go bad - that's just me. I might be a little jealous and feel kinda let-down because I liked him, but still I have limits and making someone's relationship go bad is a guilt trip for me afterwards. It'll drive me insane. I'd definitely want to make a move on to being just friends but nothing more. Only if they break-up on their own terms will I make a move lol
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