Okay. So I have a medium case of approach anxiety regarding girls. However it's not severe so I can start talking to anyone random but that's about it. What I want to know is whether it is acceptable to girls being approached by guys who they don't know and if so where? Till now I also approached people who I know but not random girls whom I meet (say in a cafe) and find her cute. Yeah, so can you answer these two questions please. I am rephrasing them for your convenience again:
1. Is it okay if a random guy approaches you out of the blue ? 2. If it is okay then what are places and situations which you think are okay and which "places" and "situations" are an absolute no no?
The trick ( and it is a trick) is to approach in a way that doesn't seem as if sex is the only reason why you are approaching. If you notice something of interest--like a book she is reading or an activity she is engaged in, you may be able to strike up a conversation with her. You will know within a few minutes if she is interested or not, and can move on.
Courtesy is always a good ice breaker so if she is struggling with packages and trying to open the door help her... once inside ask her if she needs further assistance. She may not respond at that time, but if she thought you were sweet or cute, she would definitely remember you the second time around. You could even say "What? No packages today huh?" something like that--girls like the idea that you remembered them and she may take a second look.
1. Yes--a guy can approach me in a cafe or club if he is sincere and respectful ( no lines please)-however 2. If it looks like a girl is studying do not approach--this is seen as rude to most females. During church--no. After church--yes...
There really is no wrong place to approach and if the girl sends a signal she isn't interested move on. the fact that you were respectful may make her seek YOU out--I've done that a time or two...
Good luck hun--u seem like a sweetheart, so it could work out for yah!
1. Yeap, I'd like that, if the guy is anything near my type. :) If isn't I wouldn't be so interested and maybe try to end the conversation, don't want to rise anyones hopes. 2. Well maybe a cafe, like you said, if you are in a queue after a girl, you have a change to talk about daily things, or just about the cafe. Or about some doghnuts, you both are eating. :D Amm, other than that, maybe like train station, buss station, taxi pole after a bar night, school.. There are lots of places. But absolute no no is library, it is akward, 'cos if the girl doesn't want to talk loud. :D And like maybe grocery, 'cos she might have to by some ladies sanitary towels or something. :D And I think that not clothing stores either. You would be on different sections, so it wouldn't be so smooth.
Thanks a lot for taking time to answer both my questions. Also I see you chose my answer as the best answer. I hope I helped in the little way I could. :) - More than a year ago
Answerer
You're welcome again. :) You made the effort to answer me so, this is the least I can do. :) - More than a year ago
What? no library approaches, I work at a library, how can I not try to approach them... I see one every day that walks in to the cd section (obviously best section to be in) and I just haven't gotten the nerve to say hi, yet - More than a year ago
Answerer
Of course that's different situation. But there is not allowed to talk ;) It would be better that a guy would approach in a place that you can talk well. But go for it, she knows that you work there. - More than a year ago
I was gonna say, haha, well, you're allowed to talk, just not very loudly, like you said, that shouldnt prevent us from approaching, she looks like a quiet girl anyway, soft spoken I mean - More than a year ago
1) As a woman, I am uncomfortable personally with a man approaching me when I am alone.i.e. a parking lot, garage, walking alone etc. I am concerned that he may not be making small talk but may want to harm me. I have no idea if this guy is a psycho and wants to rob, rape, or kidnap me. a) In addition, when I am out somewhere and I am obviously with another guy, it's a bad idea to hit on me. It's disrespectful to me and the person I am with. It's also a huge turnoff because it demonstrates to me that the guy has an inflated ego and thinks he can land anyone. b) If you obtain my cell #, it's also a HUGE turnoff if you call or text constantly. It send out a message that you are too clingy or desperate. It's cool to call or text to say "hey" maybe once a week.
2) If a random guy approaches me in a public setting (i.e. a club, a bar, a cafe etc.) I do not have an issue with that. It is truly appealing when a guy approaches me with a great big smile and says something like "Hi, how are you? Can I buy you a drink, coffee etc. Would you like to dance?" a) Other okay places to approach are: Church, Class, when I am with friends (this one may be a little intimidating for some), grocery store, etc. You get the idea.
3) In terms of your approach, try to smile, be friendly and natural with the lady. There is nothing more flattering than a confident, smiling guy coming up to me and saying "hi." It makes my day and smiling is contagious. I would definitely chat with him and see what he has to say.
It’s fine if a guy just approaches a girl out of the blue, as long as there is context to it. Preferably that you have seen this girl before and you both briefly know one another, then there is less of an element of surprise. Of course, if you want to have a girlfriend, you have to seek them out. Public places that you most likely will encounter your possible life-time mate, let’s see, perhaps at school, college, sports center, gym, mall, coffee shop, etc etc, the list goes on. As long as they aren’t drunk and all crazy, it’s all good. Lol. The next thing is that you have to at least look the girl in the eye when you talk to her and try not to sweat too much if you want to talk to her. Of course, you have to be confident. You have to seem confident in yourself because that is a trait that confers that you are secure, hence, I would think you weren’t a weakling (something along those lines). And confidence is attractive also. But please don’t be a cocky asshole because no girl wants a cocky asshole. That aside, talk to her. Find questions to ask that aren’t closed-ended so that you actually have a conversation. Please don’t say stupid pervy things, because generally that’s a turn-off. Also pay attention to any motions that she shows that she really likes you too ie. Smiling or blushing. If she doesn’t like you, then don’t over-talk or whatever. Take it easy and try to set an opportunity to meet her again if you are interested in this girl. Other basics to address; keep your hair nice, generally nothing funny on your face is good and that you're clothes aren't all wrinkly and messed up, you want to have a good lasting impression on this girl that you like and are approaching. Generally speaking, any place is fine, it's the way you ask and the manner that you approach a girl is the most important. For some guys who've asked me out, what they say within a few minutes of talking to me not want to ever see them again in my lifetime lol. *_* Generally public settings are ideal. Generally people would like to talk to you if they aren’t busy. So like say the girl might be a barista at the cafe and you think she’s hot and you want to talk to her, don’t do it when she is super busy. This is mostly common sense. Also, personally, I wouldn’t like it if a guy came up to me when I’m dining with my family or when I’m studying for an exam or something like that. Anyways, just take little steps towards meeting your ideal girl and I’m sure you’ll find her. ^_^
1. Yes there is nothing wrong with approaching a girl, you don't seem like the sleazy type, so approaching them in a friendly manner is a good idea. Some women may not like it, but just walk away if they are like that, they are not worth your time of day if they are not friendly anywa.
2. I don't really think it matters too much where you approach, except maybe dark alleys, womens toilets, dark parks and funerals :)
Thanks a lot. I appreciate it. :) lol @ funerals. - More than a year ago
Answerer
Hahahha you would be suprised at where some people will lol... don't be afraid to hun... what is the worst that can happen.. think of it that way, so they may say go away, or sorry am taken or sure why don't we catch up for a coffee or something, but that comes to the worst that can happen is they say no. :) - More than a year ago
Question Asker
Yeah I know but I think it still seems like it comes of as creepy if a guy comes out of the blue. haha - More than a year ago
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Not always hun, I would find it flattering :).. mainly because a lot of guys don't do that anymore. - More than a year ago
Question Asker
You mean earlier people used to do that more? - More than a year ago
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Hahahha, yes us ancient types lol... its like the world is afraid of everything nowadays... If you like someone or want to approach them the way I see it is if you don't it just might be a missed opportunity :)... life of no regrets I say. - More than a year ago
Question Asker
Lol. Sorry for wording the question that way. haha. You said "nowadays" that's why I asked that. But yeah, that's an interesting phenomenon, I mean if that's what has happened over the years.I was talking about missed opportunities yesterday with sassygal4 (one of the answerers to this question). - More than a year ago
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No apology needed :)... yes life is too short. - More than a year ago
It is totally ok for you to approach a girl out of the blue. Its actually very nice and shows her that your interested. Ofcourse it depends on how you do it. I think you know what's acceptable as far as things not to say. Nothing vulgar or dirty and no cheese such as corny old pick up lines. If you are a shy guy, it might show a bit but that's not such a bad thing either, it can be cute. Definitly try to be yourself. Even if your shy, being yourself kind of shows some level of confidence. There aren't too many places not to approach. If its a place you wouldn't mind being approached at than she would probably be ok with it too. Good Luck
Thanks a lot for your answer. Much appreciated. I sometimes wonder who invented those pick-up lines and what was the reason behind their "now infamous" invention? - More than a year ago
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When: More than a year ago
I get so flattered when guys approach me out of the blue. It makes my day! Even if I am not interested, I would never respond in a negative way unless they did it in a gross or rude way. I don't like it if I am in the middle of a conversation, but if I am with friends and the conversation is slowing down I would love a guy to come over. Public places are usually the best, I think you should look at body language to help make a decision.
Thanks a lot for your reply. I really appreciate it. :) - More than a year ago
Answerer
Just returning the favor =) - More than a year ago
Question Asker
Thanks. It's so nice of you. Next time you have the same type of problem don't let you shyness overwhelm you. Act before you get too shy to talk. :) - More than a year ago
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Haha I wish it was that easy. I'm getting better though! good luck to you. - More than a year ago
Oh this is great! We should meet! I talk to random strangers all the time, just for fun. And I seem to attract these people as well. People are always starting conversations with me. Personally, I think people who do this are interesting and if they do it correctly, they immediately catch my attention. Yes, I think it is ok if a guy approaches me out of the blue, but not in a weird or creepy way. None of that pickup line crap or anything cheesy like that. Maybe a comment about something relevant to where we are at. I think it's all in how good you are at starting a good conversation and how nice and genuine you seem. If it seems like you're trying too hard, forget it. But if you're just very casual, I'll be right there with you enjoying the talk.
I don't think there are weird places to do this, but I'm an incredibly random person and really enjoy this kinds of stuff, so who knows? Maybe there are places this shouldn't be done.
I hope this does help. Btw, this is me from the other question you've been answering. =) - More than a year ago
Question Asker
Thanks for your opinion. I appreciate it. :) The main point is have your own good time and if you find someone you want to get to know to go and talk to her. Well that's how I see it. - More than a year ago
Question Asker
Put in more simpler terms "Don't do it for the sake of doing it. Do it in the way of you doing your own stuffs." - More than a year ago
Question Asker
Oh lol. Hahahaha. Okay so you are sassygal4. Hmm. I see. Thanks a lot. :) - More than a year ago
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Exactly! I can always tell if there is a genuine interest and usually these guys seem more relaxed and confident about doing it. And it's more fun that way, even if once you do start talking you realize this person isn't really your type or whatever. The way I see it, it's always an opportunity to meet a new person because you never know what could happen. I also believe that everything happens for a reason so there may be other reasons for feeling the need to approach someone new. - More than a year ago
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Yes, my identity has been revealed. Not quite why it's so funny, but ok. Lol. - More than a year ago
Question Asker
Yeah you are correct. I once watched this french film, in fact my favorite film of all time "Trois Couleur: Rouge" by Kieslowski. One important aspect of the film is missed opportunities. It shows you kind of how we always miss opportunities because of fate, because of our inability to act at the right moment. So doing your work and meeting new people in the way is really a way of living each moment of your life to its potential. I highly recommend the film. :) - More than a year ago
Question Asker
Hahaha. it's funny because of its suddenness. All along I answer and talked to anonymous and suddenly her identity is revealed as someone who regularly posts on the site. The suddenness has a humor of its own :) - More than a year ago
Answerer
Ah, yes! Lol. You have a good sense of humor. Yeah, I forgot I posted anonymously before. :-) And the movie does sound interesting. I tend to live my life by that rule. If I feel a sudden urge to do something, I usually go for it. But that might just be my impulsiveness, though it usually works really well. Like I said, I am completely random and I never know what I'm going to do next or what's going to happen. It's an interesting way to live life. You should try it sometime. =) - More than a year ago
Question Asker
Thanks for the compliment :). Yeah totally. I believe in that and try to live by that too. - More than a year ago
Yeah, I live by it so much sometimes it does get me in a little trouble, lol, but it always works out for the best I've noticed. I just go with the flow. - More than a year ago
I think it is incredibly flattering when a guy approaches me out of the blue. In fact I wish it happened more. I think the only time when I might find it a little "weird" is if I was clearly busy with friends, but other then that anytime you feel a "connection" I would say act on it. If she reciprocates, fabulous!
Thanks for answering. It seems like the majority of girls are totally okay with being approached almost anywhere except when there are no people around or when it's dark. Basically as long as she feels she in a safe environment, most girls (an overwhelming majority) are okay with it. - More than a year ago
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Yeah I just wish more guys could realize this and do the approaching! =) - More than a year ago
Question Asker
Mind if I ask a few question to understand this better? What were the best and worst approaches you ever had? What did you do when you didn't like the guy? How do you turn them down? - More than a year ago
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The worst was when these two guys were looking at me when I went to the mall and then one of them run up to me after I had walked by and was like, "Hey my friend back there thinks your pretty. He wants your phone number." ha ha...never do that! If I don't like the guy, I keep it really short and unpersonal, so they can usually get the point and not bother to ask for my number. Oh and I definately do not look the guy in the eyes if I do not like him or find him attractive. - More than a year ago
Question Asker
Haha. I definitely found that approach hilarious. But is it really bad because - the guy didn't show confidence and sent his friend? or because he never even tried to talk to you and made a connection and there was no reason for you to give the number? or both? - More than a year ago
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Definately both. but I am definately not gonna give someone my number who doesn't bother to try to at least talk to me first. it comes off incredibly shallow. and yeah he should have done it himself. =) - More than a year ago
Question Asker
Yup. Kind of childish. lol. Fun story though. I would tell this story to a lot of buddies. Hahaha. Good for a good old laugh. - More than a year ago
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Too bad there aren't more guys that are mature enough to approach me. kinda makes me sad. - More than a year ago
Question Asker
Yeah it's kind of hard to finally finish the conversation and ask for numbers/contact info etc. I mean I can talk to people at random but then I don't know how to ask for number/contact info etc. I feel like I would come off as desperate or creepy or something. Is it just an unecessary fear and I shouldn't be concerned about it? - More than a year ago
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Trust me...I find it flattering. Especially after a nice approach and meanginful conversation. Just master the whole smile, head nod, and deep eye contact...if a girl reciprocates that then she is definately open to any advance from you. From a girls perspective...its really frustrating when a guy does all that and then doesn't bother to talk to us and actually make a move. ya know? - More than a year ago
It's frustrating to guys too. haha. Okay now I know that you girls don't find that creepy I would try to make that move from next time :). I just don't want to come off as some creep. That's all. Because that's not what I am. - More than a year ago
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Answerer
Well good luck! =) your a diamond in the rough among guys for even thinking about stuff like this and .....caring! - More than a year ago
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Question Asker
Thanks a lot for all those comments. Well I don't know but I would try to be the diamond. haha - More than a year ago
It's totally fine for a random guy to approach a girl. Just try to be as comfortable as possible in your own skin (ie be confident). Usually a hi and smile works. If you're at a store, you could always ask a girl advice on what to buy. Also, making eye contact could help if you're really nervous about walkin up to random girls, initially. The whole eye raping thing, as I like to call it, is a pretty good indicator on whether she's interested or not.
Good places are stores, coffee shops, lounges, and parks.
Bad places are the gym (for me at least because most the guys there are sleaze bags) or anytime you see me running around in a hurry.
Why do you think parking lot is a bad idea? - More than a year ago
Answerer
It makes a girl feel unsafe. And if she feels unsafe there is no way in heck she will want to go out with you. It will creep her out. - More than a year ago
Lol @ parking lot also deep into the woods at the middle of the night, I wouldn't suggest approaching a girl then either - that's a little bit creepy. - More than a year ago
To many guys I'm the girl you can't approch, many times if me and the guy ever end up speaking, the reason was because I made some sort of initative,apprently I'm quite "intimidating". Most of the time there reason is they thought they will get rejected, which may be what you may be thinking. So here's how I see it for guys with this problem. Before you make any type of conversation with a girl make sure your noticed! The worst thing you can do is approch someone that doesn't even know your presence. If this means going over to casually grab a pack of chips as she does, then perfect. I know when I see a guy is cute I usually will keep looking to see if he is looking and what not. If I'm with a group of girls its usually ten times more obvious because we all start looking and then we get pretty much bagged. You also have to make she doesn't have a guy. I've had time I've been out and I see a guy and were makin eye contact and what not, you can tell weve caught each others attn, and then a girl pops up and is kissing him all over, not good. I think you can approch a girl in any place or any siution given there's NO guy, and she KNOWS your presence. No girl I know that's into a guy will act THAT shy that you won't be able to tell if she's into you as well. If you make your presence she sees you and you never see her make eye contact or anything like that, then there's a good chance she's just not interested. So that's what I think hope it helped ! =)
oh and p.s. make sure when you approch her, have something clever to say, il give you two examples of good and bad.
Good- I was in the school parkin lot waiting for a spot I see a guy entering the parkin lot, he saw me I saw him, we made eye contact, he told me which direction his car was so I could take his spot, but just as he was leaving the one next to me opened up so I took it, so he drove around the parking lot pulls up next to me and goes "u lucked out look at all the spots now" I giggled and he said "well I guess I'm just your good luck charm" and pulled away. He left me smiling, and wanting more. Too bad I never saw him again! But that was a perfect chance to continue talking more
Bad- In the store before I was using my debit card, after I slide my card, the guy walking by smiles and goes, "is sliding the card fun?" hoesntly, if I was there with one of my gfs we prob would have all cracked up laughing not because he's funny, but what he said being sooooooo stupidd, that turned me off REALLY fast!
So make sure your approch line is good, because as you can see we remember! haha
1. I think a random guy approaching me from out of the blue could either be flattering or creepy. I would make sure you get the girls attention first, eye contact etc. and make sure that it seems like she could be interested. Some things that would also make it less creepy would be if they were with a group of friends and you were with a group of friends and there was a mutual friend that could introduce you somehow so it's not so random
some things to consider when you're going to talk to her are 1) be confident - girls like confidence in boys, and are more likely to respond 2) be prepared - think about some things to ask and then go with the flow from there 3) be yourself - we can tell when a guy is putting on a show, so knowing that he's comfortable enough to be himself helps us be more comfortable in our response to you.
I think approaching people is fine as long as you do in a respectable way. I can't stand when guys walk up to me and say "What's up baby" or "Hey Ma". If you approach me in a respectable way, then I will gladly say hi to you. My only advice would be that if you see the woman is clearly not interested, be a gentleman and walk away. If not, it just becomes uncomfortable for both of you. Also, if you are going to talk to her, just do it. Following her around deciding if you are going to say hello or not, becomes creepy. I've had this happen to me. By the time the guy said hello, I was freaked out by him.
The only major no no I can think of is hitting on someone you can clearly see is with someone else. It's just disrespectful.
heres a good trick, especially with when you're publicly speaking: try imagining everyone around you in their underwear, or even something funnier, trust me this works, it starts to make you laugh, that way when you're approaching her, you don't have a straight face on (making you look almost scary in a way) making it easier to approach her... try it sometime, laughter is one of the most important keys to being able to talk to not only girls but people in general
hey can I suggest acting more indirect when talking to them. asking them for an opinion on something, ask for some help, or makeing an observation on something and making it sound like your just speaking your mind. then build a conversation on top of that. then introductions some small talk and a little getting to know each other then some later contact info. sad but true most good looking girls don't like being hit on so its best to disqualify yourself as just some horny guy that's trying to get some :D. but if your going to be direct just say hi and act normal don't try to impress her and act layed back man.
How to properly approach a girl is is probably one of the biggest problems for single guys. Either a guy is too shy and doesn't know how to approach a beautiful woman, or the guy thinks he's "the man"...
Let's face it, they call it the dating game for a reason. The mating ritual between males and females, human or otherwise, involves some serious interplay. Guys have to be strong, strut their stuff...
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