I have no social life...no exaggeration

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First of all, my heart goes out to you. Social anxiety is a terrible, decimating thing to deal with. You have done a really brave thing in facing the fact that you have an issue with it: truly, many people don't have the courage to realize that they have a problem. So the first thing to say is well done for taking the first step and reaching out, it takes a huge amount of guts.

From what you've written, it sounds like the root of your problem is a chronic lack of self-esteem. Before you cross the bridge of thinking about a full-on relationship with a girl, or even with a platonic friend, you need to address the fact that you don't have a proper relationship with yourself. You don't like yourself, and you don't respect yourself; you don't feel good enough to be around people, so you lock yourself away and project those feelings outwards, telling yourself that others are feeling them about you when actually they come from within. You feel your shyness in company, and you believe other people must have as low an opinion of you as you have of yourself. Actually, they probably like you just fine as you are - I guarantee that you are much more lively and fun than you think! You are a special, unique and wonderful person and you have a great deal to offer - to society, to friends, and ultimately, to a partner. I would be willing to bet hard cash that it's not that people are rejecting you, but that you are letting your shyness pull you away from other people, and not putting 100% into the relationships that you are forming.

Dealing with anxieties that are this deep-rooted is not easy, and you will need to work at it. But the good news is that there is a cure, provided you can get the right help. I suggest, as a first step, seeing your family doctor and talking about strategies for dealing with your feelings of anxiety. Because these are quite severe (you are currently unable to live anything like a normal life), the most effective method will probably involve a combination of taking medication and attending counselling. Neither process is straightforward, and you will need to be brave and patient and persevering, especially at first. It can take some time for drugs to start working, and it can take a while to find an effective drug. Similarly, discovering the right therapeutic process for you can be tricky - I'd suggest cognitive behavioural therapy as a good starting point because instead of delving into the recesses of your past, it takes a very practical approach, focusing on changing current destructive thought patterns. You could also look at local groups for people who suffer with social anxiety - realizing that you are not alone can be hugely freeing.

Please seek help. There are many people who have experienced what you are going through, who have sought help and now live normal lives. And don't worry about the relationship issue - trust that when you love yourself, others will love you too.

Play world of warcraft, you need no people skills at all to play at first, so its a good start. get to 80, run heroics, join a heavy raiding guild, and that's your first step.

then get a job, likely one from home, maybe writing for a blog or a newspaper or something.

then get a more people-ly job, like a business man or something.

hopefully by the time your early 40's you'll have accumulated enough skills to actually start a social life.


IM NOT INSULTING YOU OR ANYTHING. I know from personal experience that it is way easier to talk to people when its anonymous like this, and you just need to practice. you will mess up a few times, but after a while you'll get then hang of life.