Can you ever be "too loved" by family? I seriously need all the advice I can get...

Your feelings are all valid.

Your parents are sheltering you more than you feel is comfortable.

They are controlling.

When people, even your closet family and friends say they are supporting you but you don't feel it, they are not.

When people say they want the best for you, then tell you what they think you should do, they are thinking about themsleves.

You are an individual, only you know what is best for you. The people around you know what is best for themselves and are imposing it on you.

No wonder you feel depressed, it sounds like you are being suffocated.

I come from a comtrolling family and it has taken me years to realise just how attached I was, I am 32 years old. Don't let this happen to you. Whatever steps you take to free yourself by doing things YOU like and want and love and need, you are being good and kind to yourself. You are an adult finding YOUR way in the world, NOT theirs. You have so much to give and I hope you find the love, joy, peace and happiness you seek. It may take a while for you to detach from your family, if you choose to but only then can you find the great girl. As hard as it may seem. This is YOUR life, you wrote on here for a reason, your only escape?

Practical advice, leave home and make your own way in the world.

Best of luck, I believe in you

This might be a bit out there… but try having conversations with your family members that suggest that you’re ready to live on your own. Bring up subjects like… tips on buying houses… “how did you deal with me as a kid”… ask what their dreams were for you when you were younger… show them that you respect them, value their opinions… and then excuse yourself to go live your life for a few hours. It’s like reverse psychology – “I want to spend time with you, my family… [So let me spend time with my friends instead.]”

If it doesn’t work, move on the plan B. Whatever that is.

About friends - I suggest you broaden your horizon. If you don’t want to flat-out ditch who you hang with (want to hang with?) now… well, if you’re looking for people who accept you, try searching out someone who respects you more. Talk to the other people in your life – you don’t know them? They’re those filler background-characters. Start from scratch – even if it doesn’t go through, you’ll know you’re trying, and I can guarantee you’ll meet some interesting people. Maybe you can find what you’re looking for.

You’re unique lifestyle makes you interesting. People get sick of cookie-cutter people – be the one who’s different. Show that you care – they’ll see that you come from a supportive background, as that tends to be reflected in how you treat them. There’s a reason your family cares about you. That’s refreshing. You’re the only one not drinking? Well, if they need a ride home at the end of the party…

When you do find a girl, if she’s anything to keep, she’s going to be awed at the supportive family life she’ll get sucked into. It’s a special network that most people don’t get to experience. And yes, this connection is a good thing. Just let your family know she’s YOURS, not THEIRS, and they’re expected to give you two SOME space.

So… I have no idea if this even makes sense… let me know! I really hope you can get this figured out – you sound like a great guy, and you deserve a life that makes YOU happy (not just those around you.) Good luck!

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. The fact that you know what you want for yourself (as far as not getting involved with alcohol or whatever) is good. You need to start trusting yourself. As far as I can tell, you have never given your family a reason to not trust you. Besides, you are 19 years old, and they don't REALLY have a right to interfere (though naturally, they still will, because they DO love you).

I'll suggest to you the things I wish I had known before I got kicked out of my house when I was your age (though we've since made amends).
1- Communicate with your family like a responsible, grown adult. Be respectful of your parents' "house rules." If they ask you to be home at a certain time, do it. If you show you are willing to do the things they can see, they'll likely trust you when you are away.
2-At minimum, let them know where you will be & when they should expect you home (it really helps the transition). If you are being honest with them, they'll be far more apt to trust you.
3-Stick to your guns when you are with friends. If you don't want to do something, don't do it. Screw people who try to tell you otherwise. You CAN just go to a party & hang out & not drink. I've done it plenty of times, especially in my pre-21 days.
4-Communicate (again, reasonably, like a grownup) your wants and needs from your family. Maybe they just don't know that the Facebook comments embarrass you. Let them know that you respect the way they brought you up, and that you do agree with them (or disagree, be honest with them). Let them know that you are growing up, and you love them, but you also want to start to really build friendships. Be clear about your intent to not drink or whatever, and ask them to trust your judgment.

I don't know for sure if this is exactly the kind of advice you want, but I came from a pretty uptight family, too, & was kicked out of my house @ 19 because I didn't transition well back home after a year of college. I want to see you succeed at getting out of the house & living a healthy, enjoyable life while not traumatizing your parents or causing any unnecessary problems with them.

Hope I said SOMETHING helpful! :) Good luck!

It's a natural part of life, at 19 you're of an age where you need to start being your own person. You need to start asserting yourself, find out what values YOU want to live by, what things have personal meaning to YOU.

If your family love you then they will understand that you need to do this. It sounds like they are too scared to let you go, but they're going to have to if they want to see you fulfilled as a person. It's likely that you will end up having the same or similar values to them, but you need to find out for yourself.

This process is likely to be painful, I think your family are holding on too tight. You may need to literally break away from them for a time. The best thing you can do for them and you though, is to explain it to them before hand.

I was in the same situation you were in when I was in high school.. after I graduated, I moved away for college and stuff.. it was the best move of my life.. the thing with being loved too much is, you end up losing your independence.. and that makes it difficult to survive once you are alone..

Your first mistake.. not keeping your social life and family life separate.. of course its not your fault entirely.. but why add your mom on Facebook when you know you will be embarrassed? I'm not blaming you but its one of those things that aren't gonna help you.. I know you love your family but they sheltered you from any real learning experiences.. I'm talking about things learned my trail and error.. not just things being passed down from your parents.. I know how you feel because I felt the same way.. In my culture, religion is a big deal.. once I was able to make my parents realize I didn't give a crap about religion, then they started taking me seriously.. If you are from india, then you know how much religion plays a role in your life.. its a pain in the ass.. and no one knows except the people who really were raised with indian religion in their family..

For friends.. true friends are rare.. like you said, your "friends" just blow you off.. and you need to stand up for that.. you need to think "f*** em".. and live your own life... I made the same mistake you did.. I put my friends in front of my own priorities.. and did things for them most of my life.. and it was not worth it.. you need to stop hanging out or caring about those people.. they are using you.. I've had "friends" like that too.. and once I stopped doing things for them, they stopped calling me and such.. and then I knew they were using me.. and you need to do that to your friends.. just do that and you will know who your "real" friends are..

For girls.. girls will come and go.. the one for you will be there when you don't try.. don't go looking for love.. it will find you.. trust me on this one.. you have to be careful to not make sex or a girlfriend your priority.. you sound like your not one to do that but just saying.. I know what you mean my your family's love not cutting it anymore.. What you gotta do is stand up for your OWN beliefs.. not what you were raised to believe.. that's very important.. and college will really open your mind..

You want to go to parties but you parents don't want you to.. theyre protecting you. but as hard as it is to talk back to them, just tell them in a straight voice.. no attitude.. no yelling.. but be serious.. and say something like "i promise you I'm not gonna drink and ill call you every 30 mins to check in"... that will give them more confidence in you and they will know you will make the right decisions.. and from there, you gain more and more of their trust in those situations.. You will become more independent and assertive that way instead of fighting your parents for their complete trust.

Dude, when I say I know what you're talking about, I mean I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. I think the best thing to do in your situation is take it easy, take baby steps if you have to. Start standing up for yourself in little things, a little bit at a time. Do you have a job outside of the home? Are you in school? Perhaps you can start by asserting your independence at those places (hanging out with people there, etc.). Perhaps when your family starts to see that you're becoming a grown man and you want a life of your own, they'll begin to treat you accordingly.

Also, you probably feel conflicted about hanging out with your friends even when the possibility exists, almost as if it's wrong and you should appreciate your family more (as I said, I know just how it is...). If so, push yourself. Make those efforts to be social little by little. Maybe you can start by just going out once a week, on the weekend, and gradually increase that amount over time.

Also, you might want to peruse this site in your free time: link I have no affiliation; it's simply a site that's helped me a lot to put things in a rational perspective.

Message me if you want any more tips. Good luck man.

You're not alone out there. What you typed is pretty much the story of my life. I'm in college now and was able to move 3 hours away from my family so now I'm able to hang out with my friends every weekend and do what I want to do. My mom still tries to tell me what I'm supposed to do though but since I'm 3 hours away I don't really worry too much about it. Sometimes I feel like they think the world is perfect and nothing is ever wrong but sometimes you have to do things in order to learn from them and become a stronger person. It'll just take time but they have to let you grow up sometime