My fiance and I are considering last names for children. Children are years away for us since I want to wait a couple of years. I want our children to have a hyphenated name. Both of our last names are short so the name won't sound funny. The name if hyphenated would be 3 syllables. My fiance is against the idea on principle plus his dad wants to honor his dad( my fiance's grand father) by excluding my last name. We do not plan to make a decision until we are ready to start having kids. I am a feminist and my mom is hispanic so she has a bunch of last names. I also come from a family of girls. I should admit that my dad also want us include the last name schiff with at least one child. I do not think it's fair for our potential children to just have my husband's name. I also think my future father in-law should consider honoring is dad by the first name. Not by excluding my last name. I discussed this with therapists and a rabbi with a family with hyphenated names.
LOL. I think you had better get a resolution to this one before marriage or it's going to be a stickler for a long time.
As a suggestion. How about naming one of your children Schiff as a first name? A couple friend of mine did this and it satisfied everyone.
Our society is paternal and I do lean more towards the children having the father's surname. If the bride wishes to keep her name and not change it after marriage then that's fine, but the children would be surnamed after the father. This hyphenated stuff is a little too yuppie granola for me.
Hrmm I feel like Schiff does not work as a child's first name. I guess hyphenating may sound yuppie but since I am 25 going to school to get a high paying job and my fiance is a doctor at 28 we sort of are yuppies. We live in a patriarchal society but I'm not big on that at all. I don't want to continue those trends in the home. - 4 months ago
Answerer
Looks like you're in a no-compromise situation then. Does your fiance bow to your wishes and go hyphenated, or do you bow to his and go traditional? OR, you could not get married and have kids anyway. Then the kids would have your last name only. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Well one could just combine the two names without the hyphenating it. With our names it would sound fine. Another possibility for me is just two last names. I found that I've already had to make a lot of sacrifices for this relationship with my fiance. Without getting into details I had to go against my family in a major way to make this relationship work. This is the first time he would have to consider going against his family for me. - 4 months ago
Answerer
Seems like it will be another sacrifice you're going to have to make. I think you have already set a pattern of being the one to make sacrifices. Good luck with it. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
I made sacrifices but I'm not going to have to sacrifice on this one too. My fiance should also be the one who sacrifices not just me - 4 months ago
Actually I agree with you completely. I too am a feminist! I feel like woman are being put down by not being able to keep our last names. Its like we are someones property or something. Hyphenating the name is an awesome idea. I heard the last name Schifferly before. I think it's cute so that could be a potential idea for a first middle or last name. I am not sure that it is fair to exclude your last name for any reason. Why not honor you and your family and him and his family. Honestly, in the end all that matters is what you two as a couple choose. It is a child from YOU and your fiance. No one else. You will go through birthing the child. It is YOUR right to be able to name YOUR child whatever you want. Besides you want your child to be able to identify with YOU and your future husband. Not just him and his family. I am not a supporter of the patriarchy society. I believe in egalitarianism (hope I spelled it right lol). I feel like we live in a sexist society and as long as we woman keep agreeing and supporting it , IT will never stop and we will always be the oppressed! YOU GO GIRL! I am so happy a woman out there actually cares enough to stand up for being a woman! Thanks you just made my day! :) ~Amber~!
My fiance suggest the middle name actually. I just feel that people care more about first and last names. No one really uses the middle name on a regular basis. Btw is your name is Amber? My name is also Amber! - 4 months ago
You are able to keep your last names after marriage now. Most women don't opt for it. Taking a surname simply identifies you as being a part of a familial group. I don't think anyone today identifies that tradition with becoming property. Except feminists. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
In response to AJ, As you said "taking a surname identifies you as being a part of a familial group"; However, they are accepting the tradition that a woman's identity with her family who raised her is eradicated. Notice that a man's identity with his family isn't lost here. Only the wife is expected to cut out that part of her identity. - 4 months ago
Answerer
Yes my name is Amber. Lol. That's a great name hu! Yes, I can agree with that. I think maybe you should just put your last names together maybe. I'm not sure if that would sound good or not. My boyfriend and mine last name would be terrible together. Lol. Maybe talk to your fiance and see if you could just give them your last name, after all you will be the one that goes through child-birth. Are you taking his last name at marriage? I am undecided as to whether I will take a mans last name? - 4 months ago
Question Asker
In response to Amber I agree that we have a great name. So far I'm not just taking my fiance's name. Maybe I'll hyphenate it once we have kids. - 4 months ago
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