Advice on getting my self confidence back

your first break up is hard, but there is something I think you need to understand sex and love are two very different things as is intimacy and sex. From what I can tell you just got out of a relationship vary different then a relationship. I have had some extremely great relationships. The truth of the matter is the first time you meet a boy that is flirting with you he is most likely sexually attracted to you. As a girl you need to chose do you want to just have some fun with this guy or is he a keeper. At 19 you should treat them as RTO equipment (rent to own). Now sex should be fun for all parties involved, intimacy though has some part in the bedroom but is all the other stuff, cuddling, massage, making sure your girl has that glass of water on her night stand before she go’s to sleep. (PS yes we do that even though we know you going to wake us up 3 times in the middle of the night going to the bathroom). Date lots of guys find one you are compatible with. In regards to you finding your grove back and feeling sexy. I can tell you what my female friends do, typically then will put on undergarments, followed by there hottest pair of jeans, and top. They will spend hours doing this, trust me I am typically drinking in the other room and check on them periodically through out this process. Then they go out and prance around. Flirt with guys, tease guys, whatever.
The other thing you need to keep in mind is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder we all have different things that catch our eyes, and every guy has been out with one of his friends and see a girl he thinks is totally hot, and the other guys is like she is ok but her friend is the bomb. Mean while your wonder when you buddy started taking mushrooms, because he is obviously on drugs if he thinks that girl is better looking then her friend.

So in short my advice is go out date a few guys at the same time, keep the one you like discard the rest.

I'd first like to say you are definitely not ugly. You are very pretty. Though, me saying that probably doesn't mean much to you, I still had to say it. As for the loss of confidence, everyone loses it sometime, in someway, and at varying degrees. It sounds like you lost it pretty badly, but despite this I'm glad to hear you can still act yourself in front of friends.

I think you realize not every guy is talking you to with the sole purpose of sex or abuse, but it really is hard to start up again with a fear like that. Me, I'm afraid I'll hurt another person, even
though every one of my friends says I'm the nicest most caring person they've ever met, I still fear I'll hurt someone, so I stay out of a lot of relationships. (among other reasons). It isn't easy to trust someone especially after 3 years of being lied to and juggled around. The most important thing to realize right now is that the relationship you had with him was horrible, and you're better off without him. I know going back to how things were might be easier in the short-term, but in the long run.it will be miserable. Though I'm pretty sure you know this too.

As for what can be done. Find friends, guys, girls, who can make you comfortable, who go out of their way to make you happy and are willing to sacrifice for you. I do realize these kinds of qualities might make you fall in love with them, but that's almost the point. Earning trust and recovering starts with baby steps, and that starts with friends. Then, with boys you start to like, the hard part comes. It's never easy to fight forward but if you truly want to recover you've got to!

Find people to confide in so they can help you when you become scared or begin to push someone away. The more you put yourself out there the easier it be comes, but of course, it still hurts like hell initially each time, I know this from personal experience. Also, if you're that worried about guys taking advantage of you for sex, when you start a relationship with them, tell them directly, "I'd like to go at a slow pace." and if they try and go past your comfort level, warn them. Guys aren't going to know you've been hurt, so just help them keep a pace that works with you. Many guys are after sex, but many aren't.

Ask yourself, how long after dating is it okay to,
a. kiss
b. fondle
c. super fondle (.yeah.lame)
d. sex
e. super sex (.again.lame)

Then, find a guy who can match those, or, who is okay with keeping that pace. But really, all this starts with you doing what hurts only so much that you're able to recover and get stronger each time. It's like working out, when you work out you make micro tears in your muscles, so in time they recover and you become stronger, but if you work out too much you can rupture your entire muscle! Just do things slowly, at your pace, but if it doesn't hurt at least a little, then you aren't making progress.

I hope I helped and I'll be here to help more if you need it. GOOD LUCK!

I was in a mentally abusive relationship for 7 years so I feel your pain. I finally got the balls to leave my ex. I vowed to really gain my self esteem back before I jumped into any other relationship. Right now I think it would be wise for you to spend some "me time". Focus on yourself and build your confidence. For me it was hitting the gym, eating healthy, taking myself to movies.I just did all the things I wanted to do. Once I felt I was more confident I felt ready to date again. I always figured it wouldn't be fair to myself or the men I dated for me to start a relationship still broken hearted and damaged. By starting to date when you're still hurt you run the risk of some new problems coming up and hurting relationships.

Honestly, I think you're gorgeous. And I'm really sorry you were treated so poorly.

My only advice is to forget about the dating scene altogether. Just be yourself for a while. take up a new hobby or revisit some old ones and focus on yourself for a while. Then, when you finally feel better about yourself. start dating again. Once you see yourself as beautiful and worthy of wooing. others will see it, too.