Dating a guy for a month/month and a half. He was really into me the minute we were together, we both kind of pulled back because we just "fell" for each other and wanted to take it slow. We talked about this also, the taking it slow routine. My question is "how slow is too slow? " He barely called me after 3 weeks, I had to ask him if he wanted to go out. He kept saying how busy he was with work, but would make time for me, which he would do last minute. After the 5th week of dating he hadn't called at all for 4 days, hadn't made plans with me for the weekend. So I got the picture. I texted him and said I would come over on Sunday about 1pm, I went over, told him this was obviously something casual and I was leaving my options open to date other people. He flipped out! He said he couldn't believe I wanted to see anyone else, he wasn't dating anyone else but me, was yelling about how could I want that. I said that because he stopped calling, texting, emailing I figured it was coming to an end. His response was he was hurt really bad before and wanted to take it slow. Slow!? I told him it was in neutral! I wasn't going to wait by the phone for him or assume he was still into me, after 5 weeks it should be going forward, not backward. He said it was him, he doesn't know what he is feeling, doesn't know what to do, he really, really likes me, he thought we were together. He was an emotional basket case at this point. I said I would make it easy on him and tell him exactly how I felt about him, which I did. Really into him, we clicked immediately, thought about him, didn't want to date anyone else but him, etc. I said, "how do you feel about me? " He yelled "I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think I am ready for this! I was hurt before! " and then he took off from his own house and left me standing there! What is going on with him? It was almost scary how we got along. Had all same interests, liked same everything, and I am low maintenance so I just went with the flow with him; but felt he was pulling away, I didn't want to seem needy or clingy, so was ready to move on and obviously he wasn't. I am really confused by his behavior. I need some insight on why he would assume this was a "relationship" when he stopped calling, making plans, etc. Or was he scared off because he was really falling for me and wanted to put me aside to figure it out?
A relationship means the two of you are actually relating to each other. If you can't figure him out and -even asking for his help isn't enough- there isn't much you can do. That said, how have things been since then?
I know if guys who create in their minds the 'rest' of the relationship. But this doesn't seem like that. It feels more like he's scared shitless. Will he talk about how he was hurt? Maybe you can find things to do that don't seem threatening to him? Have you asked him "What would the right relationship with me look like? ". Maybe he has some ideas? 'Cause I certainly don't. :o) I wish you the very best of luck. A guy that sensitive needs a nice low-maintenance kinda woman such as yourself.
It seems to me that he had a really bad relationship and that's eating at him emotionally. He probably feels that moving on with someone new might work, but that doesn't take away what he's been through. You coming over to straighten out a few things perhaps brought back some emotional memories of his last girlfriend. I could go on, but nothing will make it any better.
He needs a lot of time, away from you and any woman for that matter. He's obviously not over what his ex has done to him/them, and unfortunately no matter how wonderful you are, you're always going to do or say something to remind him of the past.
There could be many reasons for the long delays in calls, he could be doing other things to get over this ex-relationship and unfortunately a phone/text to you, isn't part of that agenda. Regardless, unless you signed up for therapy sessions, there is absolutely no reason for emotional outbursts when it was clear all you wanted was to get past nowhere.
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