My boo has an ex whose family is very close with his family. He broke up with her many years ago, but they have remained good friends, and sometimes friends with "benefits". Since him and I started dating 3 years ago, he has had hardly any contact with her. About a year ago she started writing to him more and more, telling him that he should be with her. Her messages are getting more and more vulgar and inappropriate. Including many photos of her, some in very low cut dresses coinciding with coy little sexual phrases. These messages come about twice a week, sometimes more. He keeps telling me that he feels terrible that she is acting this way, and it makes him upset and disappointed.
Now my boo and I are engaged and I don't want to invite her to the wedding, but he does because her family is so close to his. I feel as though I have given her a vast array of opportunities to prove to both him and I that she can behave in an appropriate manner, but NOT to my surprise she has yet to do so. I want people that I care about to be at our wedding, and I could really care less for her.
Girls and Guys how would you handle this situation? Keep my enemies close or have nothing to do with her? And is it normal for my guy to want to invite her to the wedding after all this has happened?
I agree with what XPER 526 said he is being open with you about the past relation BUT he is not being a MAN about it. First if he is marring you than you must come first above everyone including his MOTHER! He has to make a choice and grow up it must be very flattering to think she still has the hots for him but set the record straight, she is an adult and if he will not stop this inappropriate behavior than maybe you should tell her. Second and most important maybe you should rethink about you commitment to marriage you say dating for 3 years and for the last he has had contact with her? How long will this go on? I don't think you are in any hurry to get married are you? Better to wait than to find out later he is only playing around! I have been in a relationship for a very long time now and I have friends of the opposite sex but if they get inappropriate I tell them if they do not stop than I have nothing to do with them or their family. Best wishes for your life together?
I should clarify that he does not contact her, and she has been told to back off. In fact the only contact he has with her is to tell her that she is out of line... I think he could be more direct with her but that's out of my control... - 3 months ago
Answerer
Let me clarify my comment, advise is free you don't have to take it because the one who gives it really does not know what is going on only you do. Many of my friends who married and years later divorced the first thing they said was they were not like this when I married them and all their friends think yes they where you just did not want to listen, but I am sure this is not your case. If you are saying everyone does not know my boyfriend like I know him. Good luck! - 3 months ago
It seems to be a difficult situation for him because the families are close. From your story, it appears that he is being very open and honest with you regarding her making contact with him and that's a good thing. But this inappropriate contact can only be ended by him.
I agree with you that she doesn't belong at the wedding given her behavior. You didn't mention his responses to her messages (if any). If he's not telling her that the messages are not welcome then perhaps that's why they and the behavior continue.
If she has been told to back off and hasn't, then she definitely does not belong at the wedding and needs to be told.
Don't it's not your battle it's his and he needs to remember that he was the one sleeping with her not you , you should not have to worry about nothing he needs to handle her and put her in her place.
If I were you, I would take steps to keep this girl away from the wedding. This is your special day -- one of the most important days of your life. If this girl shows up and makes a scene and does her best to ruin the event, how would you feel? Can you be sure she WON'T do something horrible like that? But, if at all possible, try to convince your fiance to make the decision not to invite this girl. It will be SOOO much better if this comes from him, not you. If he is seen as the one making the decision, you won't be cast as the wicked witch (or overly jealous gf/wife). And the families will be able to accept the decision coming from him, where they might not accept it coming from you. So that's what I'd do. Good luck!
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