My friend started hanging out with this guy a few months ago. She thought he liked her after a mutual friend mentioned that this might be a possibility. I think this factored into what happened next: she decided that she liked him. Well, as time went on, he became more and more integrated into our group of friends and started hanging out with people other than my friend. He started hanging around me especially, sometimes to the point of neglecting his friendship with my friend. I had resolved not to like him, partially because I was interested in someone else.
And then the potential relationship I was working on fell through and I started paying more attention to the signals I was getting from this guy. We'll call him Jack. So, Jack is constantly around me. He is a huge flirt, but sometimes says things to me that he does not seem to say to the other girls he flirts with that make him sound more serious. I'm still not sure if I want to get involved with him at all. But my friend is furious with me for him even acting like he might like me.
It seems unfair that she is mad at me for this, since I can't really do anything about it. I don't want to not be friends with him because of that. And I might be interested in a relationship with him if he is actually interested in me. But am I obligated to stay away from him because my friend likes him? I honestly feel that he views her mainly as a friend, and so do several of my other friends who have watched us all interact. So I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to do. Should I just sever all contact with Jack? Try to remain friends even as he flirts in front of my other friend who likes him? Just tell him what is going on so maybe he can tone it down? I think he probably has no idea that she likes him, but should I tell him that she does?
It's also possible that he is just flirting with me more than her, and that he has no real attachment. In that case, how awkward would it be to tell him what is going on? Would it be worthwhile?
Any advice would be nice, from both girls and guys, since I am less familiar with how guys would view this situation. And thank you.
# 1 she doesn't want you to be happy and 2) likes to break up a good thing going for you. I seen this type before. She is destructive and de-energizing. She is unhappy in life and misery likes company.
Don't let her stand in the way of your happiness or liking for a guy. Ask her what is she doing or being like this. If she 'acts' clueless, talk to her honestly and ask her to try to be more mature in her actions and thought processes especially about and around guys.
If that doesn't work, then she isn't a real friend of or for U-get rid of her before she breaks up a very good relationship that you would have had by her taking your man away or to bed (if she can)!
It is often tough to choose between a girlfriend or potential close boyfriend.
Your girl-friend needs to grow up. It is not your fault that Jack is attracted to you and continues to flirt with you. And, You need to STOP sitting on the fence. You need to decide whether you want pursue Jack as more-than-friends or decide that you do not want anything to do with him (and in the same token tell him his flirting is not really appreciated since you are not interested in him). Your decision regarding Jack has to be made objectively, regardless of your girl-friend's feelings our not. Obviously your relationship with your girl-friend is clouding your vision when it comes to your feelings/or lack of feelings for Jack. If you truly care for Jack and see a possible future with him, then yes, absolutely go for it. If you don't see anything happening with Jack in the long-term (other than playing flirty games that ultimately upset your girl-friend) then it's time to tell Jack to step-back & clearly let him know that you are not interested. Sitting on the fence is not only hurting your girl-friend further, but is also causing Jack a lot of confusion. You could in fact end up loosing both of them. Time to face reality and time to make a decision. You know the repercussions, but you absolutely must make a decision otherwise this situation is only going to escalate & get more & more complicated.
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