My boyfriend and I live together. We spend tons of time together because we both work freelance from home and we create & perform music together. He is super affectionate and attentive, truly awesome actually. Despite all this, he has profiles on dating sites up saying he is looking for someone and his Myspace site says he is single. I honestly don't get it. It makes me feel totally upset and disrespected.
Whenever I try to speak to how I feel I get emotional and he gets angry and acts like I am trying to control him. He says that if he flirts online with someone it has nothing to do with our relationship -- it's just a fun thing -- and that I should judge our relationship based upon how he treats me day to day (which is great fro the most part). He thinks I am wrongly focused on what I fear could happen when I should be focused on what is happening. He told me the dating profiles were old and didn't mean anything but he has ot taken them down. His myspace still says he is single. What the heck is going on? He acts so into being with me when we are together but has some need to get attention online.? He told me that if he really wanted to be with someone else he would just tell me and do it, not sneak behind my back. So why does he insist on having these sites up that say he's single. Honestly at this point I am more worried about him getting so defensive and angry than the fact that they are actually out there. He really didn't try to hear why it bothered me and he told me I was insane and stupid for bringing it up several times. I'm really so laid back and honestly I know I am a catch. I feel I am being disrespected in this. Wondering if anyone has any thoughts or ideas about how to handle this without another blow up between us.
"I could go out and be with them if I wanted to, instead I am here with you! " That's essentially translated into "I'm cheating on you. " He gets angry because he's getting caught.
He definitely shouldn't be posting a profile on dating sites, looking for women, when he has a relationship with you. If he had the sites up, and they were old, that would be something you could maybe overlook. But to get on the sites looking for dates, and flirting, while he's with you? Thats the same as cheating! Even if he is only flirting, as he says. The intent is there. I would confront him about this, and tell him he needs to get off the dating sites if he wants to have a relationship with you. If he doesn't want to, you may want to just leave him, and move on to a guy who really respects you.
I agree with sexwiseman. I had a female friend who was married. Her husband had a profile on myspace, said he was single, had lots of female friends there. He had cheated on her before, she refused to believe what she knew! She always asked for my advise and at my wits end I finally told her that she either had to divorce him, or let him have his other women too. There really is no middle ground here. Good luck!
Yea, I must say, this guy has guts. Couple of guys that I know have done this, do it behind their girlfriend's back, and they do it to cheat on them, not just to flirt. After all, some girls will agree to meet you, and then, what's your boyfriend gonna do? Is not like you can watch him 24/7. So yes, is not only disrespectful, but I would go as far he will cheat on you, if h hasn't done it already.
If he truly knows how much it bothers you than he would get rid of the dating profiles and would happily share your relationship on his myspace page. If you really love him than I would say try one more time to sit down and calmly, not emotionally, talk about how this makes you feel and that you would like him to get rid of the dating profiles, especially if they are old like he told you. If he can't do that for you and your relationship than I would say maybe it is time to more on. Good Luck!
He's cheating. I would leave him because he's pretty much doing it right in your face and has the nerve to get mad when you call him out on it. If a man wants to act like he's single maybe he shouldn't be in a relationship. Like CUDAGTO said, either leave him or put up with his other women because he's not going to stop.
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